Assuming an individual decided to take action to make a specific change. I suggest an important consideration: Who will be affected by this new behavior?
Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change – Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
I have a cousin Sandra married with two kids. She has a part-time online job and works out of her home. At the end of the day, she is usually exhausted, but the feeling of being trapped at home has become her biggest challenge.
George,her husband,is busy running a realtor business. His work often takes him into evening. Sandra would love just one night a week where she can be free to do something she really enjoys without worrying about preparing meals and all of the other household chores. She used to enjoy music so she decides to check out the courses at the local community college. There’s one for voice training, perfect! Its one night a week and will take six months to complete.
If you were sandra,how would you handle this potential new change that will definitely affect the family schedule? Would you:
* Just announce one night that you have already enrolled and that everyone will have to look after themselves.
* Reconsider. Maybe this is not the best time. Afterall,the kids are still young and need support. In a couple of years,things will be better.
* Set up a family council. Talk about how you are free really feeling and explain the benefits everyone will receive if you take the course.
If you choose option A, you will certainly get a reaction. There could even be endless debate and gnashing of teeth. But George may feel bad because you didn’t include him at the outset- he was just informed.
If option B is your decision, you are really selling out by justifying and rationalising.This is a classic case of backward thinking(I don’t deserve to be a priority in my own life).
Of course option C is your best bet.Ever to one is included, you express to our feelings, you will have more energy,appreciate your family more and not resent being stuck at home all the time. It’s a real win-win. The point is that when you want to make a definite change,it will probably affect other people either at work,in your family,or with a primary relationship . Always announce the change in the form of a benefit.
Nothing that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed until it is faced – James Baldwin
When i was faced with a situation like sandra’s. This time,i wanted to enrol for a professional certification course in Radio and Television presentation. It was going to take 2 weeks. At that time,i was nursing a 23 weeks old baby. It was a decision i had to take and i wasn’t going to rescind on it. It was an opportunity to realise my long time dream of hosting shows and handling presentations. Of course,i went for option C when the time came to make a decision. As a family, we agreed to fix our little baby in a creche and everyone was fine.
A word of caution: As you decide to make changes,check that your values and standards are not being sabotaged at the same time. Change takes time. Especially if you want to change some old habits and replace them with new ones. Dont be too pressured by our hurry-up syndrome and impatience to see result.Give Change a Chance.
All great changes are preceeded by chaos -Deepak Chopra