The benefits of boundaries: Vent your feelings,then talk

If you feel like a volcano ready to erupt with anger,it’s not a good time to set a boundary. Anger or any other intense emotion polarizes communication. We use attacking languages or we start whinning like a victim.Often that triggers a similar reaction in the other person and a fight ensues. It’s impossible to think clearly when you are in the heat of a battle. For me,i strongly advise you to first go off somewhere to vent. Let it out. This is healthy. Repressing your anger is not.you are just stoking the volcano when you stuff your emotions. When am home,if someone or something is really pushing my buttons,i march upstairs to the bedroom,grab the pillow and punch it for all am worth,or i go for a long walk. Physical activity helps me let off steam. Some progressive companies have a stree-release room equipped with a good old-fashioned punching bag for their irate employees.

Here’s another tip if you happen to be in a supervisory position at work. When a staff member corners you and uncorks her volcano,force yourself to listen quietly. Don’t say a word,just listen and care. He/She will give you a verbal laundry list of complaints and eventually run out of steam and be quiet. Then,and only then,do you say: “Are you just here to vent your feelings,or do you want me to take action on this?” More often than not,you will receive a sheepish look and the response will be, “No,I just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for being a good listener.”

Most of the problems in life are because of two reasons:We Act without thinking or we keep thinking without acting-Anonymous

AI ‘ll never forget the time i sat in front of a group of hostile employees,outnumber twenty five. It looked like a lynch mob. The atmosphere was extremely tense. They had been been mandated by their manager to attend my workshop on Telesales marketing. These employees were upset that this was yet another personal development program,when what they really wanted was to learn practical office skills. It was obvious they were not willing to participate or cooperate in any way. They ‘d had enough personal work and i became the scapegoat for all the pent-up anger and frustration. So i let them rant and rave and let off steam. It was one thing to criticize my program,i drew the line when they started attacking my character. I felt this was completely uncalled for. Trembling with supressed anger,i first set a boundary with my emotions. I deliberately choose not to play their game- no attacking or shouting. Using the more honourable discipline of quiet humility,i decided to leave them with a few memorable words. When i opened my mouth,however,all that came out was a high-pitched squeak. Sometimes being emotional sucks!

Somehow i left the meeting with my dignity intact,but inside my anger was boiling over. Back at my hotel room,i erupted. Dignity and decorum thrown asunder,I pummeled an overstuffed chair. It was one of the best tantrum i’ve ever had,and it felt so good.

We must learn how to explode! Any disease is healthier than the one provoked by a hoarded rage-Emil Cioran

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