Resentment is an energy vampire.it is insidious and directly affects relationships. You know you are feeling resentment when you harbour animosity against someone. Perhaps you are holding a grudge,are really angry or feeling upset about a particular event.There is either a deliberate unwillingness to forgive the other person or an inability to let go.
Resentful people rehash and relive the anger. This does more harm to the resenter than to the other person because it’s like a self- fed poison eating away at the resenter’s soul. There are many reasons why we become resentful. Check to see if any of these situations apply to you:
- You agreed to do something and end up feeling used or taken for granted.
- You have unmet needs and feel ignored or rejected.
- Others have let you down in some capacity .
- You see others getting ahead who haven’t worked as hard as you.
- You feel that you are one who always make sacrifices in a relationship.
- You have experienced divorce,infidelity,being mistreated or abused.
One of the big challenges in relationships is infidelity. When this occurs,it is extremely difficult for most people to overcome their resentment.
“My first reaction after discovering Bill’s affair was to divorce him,” says Racheal. ” Then I tried to come to terms with it; we had three children and too much to lose. I know my attitude toward him prior to his affair may have contributed to his temptation. I’ve accepted my part in that; now it’s time to rebuild. Bill is working hard on our marriage and says he loves me and doesn’t want a divorce. He has begged for my forgiveness and i believe he is remorseful. I want to have a great relationship,but my resentment keeps getting in the way.
It’s been three years since his affair and our relationship is much stronger. Bill is so attentive now. He has become the husband I’ve always wanted. I still get angry when i remember though, and sometimes i push him away. Will i ever forget?
Resentment is an understatement of the pain and anger experienced whenever memories of the infidelity come to mind. Even after a reasonable time has passed for reconciliation,resentment often lingers. All might be forgiven,but forgetting may never happen.
The resentment associated with the painful memory can be overcome with time and the rebuilding of trust. Many marriages do outlast the scars of infidelity.
Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die-Malachy McCourt
It is healthy to become angry and voice our feelings when we feel we have been wronged.it becomes a problem when we connect it to self-righteousness, adopting a superior position of I’m right,you ‘re wrong. Instead of confronting the other persom and being assertive, sometimes we prefer revenge. We feel that by getting back at him or her,it will cancel our pain.
To let go of resentment,put it in perspective by asking, “Is this worth getting steamed up about? Am i over-reacting? Is something else the root cause of my resentment?”
In all of this,learn to let go and forgive. This is the higher road.
Life is an adventure in compassion- Norman Cousins.