The reason why many people find it difficult to set boundaries is that they get stucked in the rut of wanting approval. “But I need you to like me…”
The need for constant approval will rob you of your self-respect and self-esteem. Being afraid to do or say something that might disappoint or hurt someone is no way to live.
If you keep collapsing your boundary so that your child,your husband,or your boyfriend will love you more,they will eventually stop trusting you,and you will end up resenting them. This is a big lose-lose scenario. Keep reminding yourself that you are of more value to them when you love yourself. You cannot give what you don’t have.
A story was shared about a woman named Beatrice.
One bright morning,she phoned her neighbor in a panic. “Tina,the clinic just called. They have an opening for me at noon if I can make it. Would it be possible to look after my kids? It’s okay to say no,I can always call Cathy.”
“Yes,of course,I’ll help,send them over.”
“Are you sure? I know I’ll be at least two hours.”
“No problem.It’s a nice day,they can play outside.”
“Thanks Tina,I owe you one.”
A week later,Beatrice heard through a mutual friend that Tina had put herself out that she was being a good neighbor. True-excepth that she did not really want to help. Underneath, she resented the intrusion and even complained about it to others in her circle.
“What could Tina have done to respect her boundaries and the friendship we had?” Beatrice asked.
Of course,that particular incident affected the level of trust she had for her neighbor Tina.
But really,It does no harm if you are being sincere with your feelings at every point in time.If you aren’t willing to offer help to someone,it does not mean you are a bad person,it just means that you are that person who cares so much for herself as much as she does for others too. At the long run,it sets an atmosphere of trust and respect because of your sincerity.
If you are guided by your values,then being real with the people in your life comes naturally. You have the strenght to withdraw from any relationships that is leading you nowhere. Also,you can tell yourself, “it’s okay to close the door on anyone trying to mess with my emotions.”
This is one of the best gifts you can ever give yourself – To be in control over your life and not allow anyone dictate it for you. Absolutely nothing to lose at the end of the day.Remember,it’s a deliberate action.
Self-Reverence,Self-knowledge,and Self-Control.These three alone leads one to Sovereign Power–Alfred Lord Tennyson