As we press on in life, trying to find meaning and purpose to our existence,many have grown cold in their hearts and out of touch with what’s truly important. We try to prove our worth by climbing social and success ladders,acquiring material possessions and so on,but in the quests and pursuits we lose invaluable gifts-the people God gives us-in the journey of life. How? We lose them by rejecting them.
Rejection can be defined as the feeling of being unwanted. You desire people to love you, and you believe that they do not or cannot love you. You want to be part of a group,but you feel excluded. Somehow you are always on the outside looking in,trapped,unable to do what you desire most.
Rejection can come from any source. It can come from parents,children, friends,employers,colleagues or even total strangers- the list is endless. The truth is,I can reject you and you can reject me,except we have knowledge, understanding and of course genuine interest in people.
We reject people by our nonchalant and careless treatment of their feelings and needs. We reject them by our selfishness and self-centeredness,always wanting our way and making choices and taking decisions that are self-centered. Many are suffering today because of these selfish and careless attitudes and actions. True interest in people is not about what works for “me” and “I” but what works for us.
Here’s my take on handling rejection and living the life you were meant to live.
- You have got a Choice
You are the one who can stop the terrible effect of rejection.This means your choice in life will determine your destiny. It’s not about what people have done to you,it’s not your education,or lack of it,not your background or the connections I have,it’s not your gender nor your parents….it’s your choice,your attitude,your mindest,the way you think. You are not born with any other power but the power of choice. Whatever you choose to do,nobody can stop you from doing it,the devil cannot and God will not. You must understand that God is fair. Background differences does not affect destiny fulfilment. The important point to note is that if your friend made a right choice and you do not,she can become more successful in life than you. So watch out!
In relating with people,therefore,you may not be able to control how people treat you but you can choose either to respond or react to what they do to you. Inorder words,in any given situation, you have the power to choose your attitude. This is awesome power! Life is 10% what people do to you and 90% how you choose to react to those situations. Put it this way,you can tailor-make attitudes to fit those situations. Your choice plays a major role in your wholeness and total wellbeing. This does not mean you must be perfect and never speak up or confront people who mistreat you. When you react to a situation,it must be under the control and directed to the action the person took and not the person.
Fred Smith,founder,and president of FEDEx,says, “When others deal with us in a dogmatic or even in a mean or vicious way,it does not necessarily mean they want to hurt us. It could mean,and generously does,that they are acting that way because they are hurting.”
A hurting person will always hurt other people.
American author, Zig Ziglar, also said, ” If you will remember that every obnoxious act is a cry for help,you are way ahead of the game.”
Many times when a person rejects you,they want you to perform in a certain way. By using rejection,they manipulate you until your actions fall in line with their desires. Inorderwords,people who reject others have a bigger problem than those that are rejected but because we are ignorant of this truth, we internalize every ill-treatment from people and allow them to steal our joy and mess up our lives.
Regardless of the misgivings of the past,your tomorrow is a clean slate. You make the choice each time you decide to believe God or choose to wallow in self-pity or unforgiveness.
- Rediscover yourself
Typically, many people today excuse laziness and their failures to how hard or difficult the times are,yet in these same conditions so many people are working hard and succeeding.
I have discovered that largely our challenge is how we define or interprete our circumstances. Sadly,we do not rise above these definitions. It does not matter how cruel life had been to you,it also does not matter,if you had no opportunities in life,if you choose to agree with God and choose His ways,you can overcome life’s troubles. This is why you must learn to set yourself free from the prison of rejection and low self-esteem which is a gross departure from God’s original intention. A dejected and rejected spirit can not enjoy or appreciate life. The tool to appreciating and enjoying your life is the Word of God. The God you choose and the people you choose to be with will influence the limit you can go.
Also rejection makes people needy and co-dependent and this stems from wanting to to be are often needy of accepted and approved. Whether covertly or overtly,positive,or negative,no matter how misguided or misunderstood,their actions are usually a cry for attention, love,and understanding.
Sometimes, such people do not trust anyone to do anything for them. They would prefer self-dependence.
The inability of some people to delegate duties to others can be traced from the fact that there are roots of rejection-mostly probably from childhood. People who want to do everything by themselves have been named by the world as perfectionists. But the truth is, perfectionism is not a sign of strenght but that of weakness. The fact that you cannot trust anyone to do anything right but yourself shows that there is fear and distrust in you which all stems from rejection. Well-adjusted people,with balanced self-esteem and self-image do not care much if they are correct or not because they know that failure is not the end of life.
Rejection is a negative emotion that makes men in designer suits weak and picture perfect women unattractive and needy.
At the end of it all,we come back to choices. What would yours be? Are you still going to sit and throw a pity-party,pouring put the sob stories of the past to anyone who cares to listen or are you willing to do something about it and step out of the box.
Take full charge now!