Marriage involves the fusion of individuals and families.Knowledge of the background of an individual,as well as the level of influence his or her environment has had on his or her perception of life is important when planning marriage.These issues,if not handled properly before marriage,could be the source of unnecessary argument and discord. Some of these issues which need to be addressed include:
- Am I from a broken home or a united home?
Your experiences on the homefront will come into play in your marriage. The person you marry must be someone who knows where you come from.
- Where my parents leaders in any way, i.e politically or in their field of endeavor?
If either or both of your parents were leaders,you are bound to have leadership qualities but even if it is the other way round,be sure that your intended spouse accepts you in this manner. Be certain you do not present any form of threat to him or her.
- Do I have God-fearing parents?
Being raised in a family with parents who delight in the things of God will definitely have imparted some Christian tenets in you. How compatible are you with your intended spouse?
- How did your father treats his wife and children?
Research has shown that children pick habits from what they see and not what they are told.Chances are that you may have picked some of your father’s habits while growing up.If these will not be complementary to your marriage,you need to get rid of such habits.
- Was my mother very dependent ,or independent-minded?
If as a woman,your mother was very dependent on your father,this may have rubbed off on you,or the reverse may be true if she was independent-minded. Be sure that the man you entrust your life to is comfortable with the way you are inorder to avoid frustration in marriage.
- How much of my past does my intended spouse know about?
If there are things about your past that your intended spouse should know to help him or her decide if both of you are compatible,hiding these could be dentrimental to your marriage. By the time he or she found out the truth,you stand the chance of being rejected.
- Do I know all I need to know about his or her future?
It is important for you to know the total man or woman. In case you are wondering how to know what his or her future looks like,subtract the past from the present and you will get the future.
In order words,look at the present situation,then take a peep to the past to see how he or she got to where they are now. If you bear this in mind,it should be clear to you where he or she is heading to in life. Beyond this,you can ask questions about personal visions and dreams. Add this to what you consider his or her potential to be true and you will get a good idea of your intended spouse’s future. If you are not happy with your discovery, then this person may not be a good fit for you.
- How much of my intended spouse’s past am I willing to accept and put behind me?
When you have a full knowledge of your partner’s past,look at it critically and see if you can actually live with what you know without getting hurt emotionally,or hurting him or her by recalling those episodes from the past time to time. If you cannot,then, it may be unwise to get married.
- What kind of reputation does he or she have?
Everyone has got a blind self,that is,the part of their character that they are unaware of. It is important to take note of what people say about your intended, for when you heart is on fire,smoke gets in your eyes.
- What are my holiday customs?
How do you think holidays should be spent? Are you someone who is not bothered about holidays? Or are you the kind of person that will take time off regularly to relax and let off steam quietly at home? Do you like going on holiday trips? Or you could do with a change of environment from time to time?
Find out what your partner’s holiday customs are as this will help you avoid frustrations in the future.
- Do we have different family values?
There must be some things your family hold dear. For instance, some families like coming together for particular occasions. Some have a way of christening their children. Other families think it is abhorrent to eat certain kind of food. You must discuss this with your partner to avoid clash of values in the future.
- Have I or my partner been engaged to someone else before?
Having gone through a divorce may make a person susceptible to divorce again,because he or she may be less tolerant of difficulties the second time around.
There is also the possibility that the divored person is not suitable for marriage . Perhaps, he or she ran from problems instead of facing them and finding solution. The bitter truth is,should serious problems arise,this type of person will likely seek divorce again.
When considering marriage to a divorced person,one should contemplate how much he or she has learned from the failure of his or her marriage. Those who have failed once should learn from experience and pinpoint areas that demand improvement . It is possible to learn through bitter experience how to make better choice the second time around and work more effectively at building a ssuccessful relationship.
- Are we from the same race or tribe?
Though the world has become a global village where people now relate with each other on the basis of personal merit rather than ancestral origin,inter-racial or inter-tribal marriage.It often means disengaging from one’s family and social patterns
Why should an individual choose to marry someone of a different race and cultural background from his own? Why choose to risk the criticism of family and friends by marrying outside one’s racial group?
A simple answer is that love knows no barriers and do not recognize color or creed. Other factors influence the final decision. Is one or both parties idealistic and willing to risk personal discomfort or ostracism to demonstrate the freedom and individuality in which they believe? Could they be rebelling against parents,friends, church,or social control?
Most likely,a couple from different social,cultural,and educational backgrounds will also have widely differing values. The things important to one partner may not seem important to the other. In an interracial marriage,at least one partner is usually ignorant of the other’s cultural values until after the wedding because they meet and relate in the country of only one them. This causes serious problems. Any couple,but especially an iinterracial couple,should discuss values carefully and thoughtfully prior to marriage.
The children should also be considered. Can a child born to racially different parents have a normal and emotionally healthy childhood? Will there be adequate occasion for friendship and interaction with other children of both cultures? When the child has reached dating age,will he or she be able to have normal dating relationship with one or the other race? Will the child have adequate educational opportunities? There are no simple answers to these questions and any couple considering interracial marriage should consider these conditions very carefully.
- Do I know everything I need to know about my partner’s health and medical history?
Be sure that you are informed of every thing you need to know about your partner’s medical records. Does he or she have any hereditary disease? Does he or she have any allergies or terminal illnesses? How does he or she react to seasonal or endemic diseases or ailments? You should have this knowledge before you both walk down the isle.