Without compatibility,there can not be a fruitful union and fulfilment. Your desire to get married should not override the need to do it the right way. A successful marriage depends on your choice of a partner. This can not be overemphasized. Your partner will have a strong role to play in shaping your destiny and will influence your general wellbeing.
To buttress my point, American Clinical psychologist, Dr.Neil Clark Warren once said, “Your choice of whom to marry is more crucial than everything else combined that you will ever do to make your marriage succeed. If you choose wisely,your life will be significantly easier and infinitely more satisfying. But if you do make a serious mistake,your marriage may fail,causing you and your children immeasurable pain.’
Before signing the dotted line,here are some important issues to consider. I call them sensitive Contradictions.
Am I relatively healthy or Am I Frequently Ill?
You need to be sure that the person you marry knows you the way you are.
In other words,be sure that he or she understands and accepts you the way you are.
Am I Physically Handicapped in any way?
If the person you are hoping to marry complains about your situation, even slightly,he or she is not your marriage partner.
How Is My Attitude When I fall Ill?
When you fall ill,do you take things easy,or do you brood over the situation? Do you need a lot of attention? Are you nasty to people? Do you feel easily irritated? Or perhaps you nag or fuss over everything? Take all these factors into consideration before choosing or accepting a marriage partner. People with hypersenstive tendencies cannot withstand a lot of complaints,even from the sick.
Do I have Unpleasant Natural Body Odour?
If your intended partner is very sensitive,he or she will make you develop a complex and this will not allow your marriage to be as fulfilling as you want it. You can seek medical advice on this matter. Besides,there are couple of good deodorants or cologne that can address the problem. Ensure your partner accepts you the way you are before you say. ‘I do’.
Are Our Genotypes Compatible?
Medically,it is advisable that an AS genotype should not marry an AS genotype to guard against the high possibility of giving birth to an SS child,who may suffer from sickle cell anaemia. However, with God all things are possible.
Be sure to discuss this with your mate. If he or she does not have enough faith to believe that you could have only AS genotype children,then you should not proceed any further. If your faith is strong and you believe,then,you may go ahead.
You should however,consider two things: Do not have too many children; and in case you have an SS genotype child,can you cope with him or her? A ponder on this will help you decide on what to do.
What Initiated My Present Relationship?Did you go into this relationship out of mutual compatibility( social,physical,financial,or mental) and the sharing of similar goals,or did you go into it as a result of mutual hurt,for instance,problems,pressures( both parental,and peer) sexual needs,depression, dependency,or desperation. If you belong to the latter category,you need to work on yourself before tying the knot.
Have I Seen My Partner React Outside The Ideal Situation?
If you only see him or her when he or she is happy or dressed up,or when things are going according to plan,then you do not know your partner. You also need to see him or her when he or she is under pressure or when things are rough. This is why a courstship period of at least two years is recommended.
Do I feel Emotionally Improved When I Am With My Partner?
How does he or she react to the little things that matter a lot to me? Is he or she concerned about the way I feel or is it all about him or her? If he or she loves you enough,he or she will be concerned with the things that bother you no matter how insignificant they may seem.
Is My Intended Spouse A Good Homemaker?
Is the person I want to raise a family with, hard working? Does he or she have what it takes to put together a home and keep it together? In otherwords,is he or she level-headed and home-minded?
Would I like To See This Person’s Qualities In My Children?
If you don’t like what you see in your partner,you need to reconsider your decision to marry him or her,for your children could take either after you or after him. Sadly,you cannot choose whom they will take after. It is not advisable to leave anything to chance.
Am I Marrying My Partner Because I believe I Can Change Him or Her?
You cannot change anyone. If you are not pleased with what you see now,you may not wish to go on with the relationship and spend your life with him or her they way he or she is. People are in unhappy relationships today because they believed they could change their spouses.
Do We Want Children?
Does your partner want to have children? If both of you want to have children,do you have an agreement about how many( God willing) you intend to have? You should talk about it,for this is a potential source of conflict in marriage.
Do I mind Interchanging Duties?
Even though things have changed nowadays,in traditional setting,men and women are usually expected to adopt different roles. Babysitting,for example,is traditionally regarded as a woman’s job,while washing the car or mowing the lawn is regarded as a man’s work.Are you the kind of person that would want your husband in the kitchen sometimes,either to help you with the washing up or even to cook the meal himself when you are indisposed? Would you,on the other hand,mind washing the car sometimes while your husband plays with the baby? You have to discuss this to avoid misunderstanding each other.
What Are My Work Ethics?
How should the house be run? Do you believe that a woman should be a housewife and not do anything else? Or do you believe that women should have a career? What sort of job do you think a woman should do that will give her enough time to still be a wife and a mother? Don’t take issues like these for granted.
What Are My Eating Habits Compared To That Of My Partner?
If you are the kind of person who appreciates eating out on certain days of the week,but your partner prefers all his or her meals taken at home,it may give rise to problems if not properly discussed.
Can We Play Together?
Life is not all about work,business,and serious matters. Sometimes,a couple needs to unwind. Do you play together? Can you indeed play together? Do you laugh together? Are you really friends? If your partner is rigid,you have to decide if you can live with him or her that way.
Have We Had Counselling?
It is important that you see your pastors from time to time. Be open to them and let them guide you. You also need to visit God-fearing and respectable couples whom you can trust. They have been there before you and can help you avoid any pitfalls.
Do I feel Adequate And Comfortable With This Person?
If you feel lonely,emotionally drained,and insecure in your relationship,if you are constantly doubting yourself or feel pressurised to impress,there is a serious need to think twice about marriage.
Have I suffered Any Form Of Sexual Abuse?When a person has been a victim of sexual assault or abuse,there is a high tendency for him or her to have certain reservations about sex. This could pose a serious danger to the marriage. When a couple have an unpleasant sex life,it will inevitably result in a challenging marriage. Be open about such experiences with your intended spouse. Afterall,you should be indiscreet and not ashamed.
What Is My Attitude Towards Repentance And Forgiveness?
There is no way that people can avoid making mistakes that can hurt deeply at some time or another. Your ability to repent of a misdeed and forgive someone who has wronged you will determine the kind of home you will probably build. This area should be properly examined before you finally tie the knot. The danger signals connected with these issues are rarely visible early in the relationship. With this in mind,it is always advisable to have long courtship periods,preferably two to three years. This will afford you ample time to observe your partner in different situations,where he or she may not be able to hide flaws in his or her character.
Your choice of a marriage partner is entirely your decision and,morever,you are free to choose anybody you like. That,however, is as far as your freedom goes,for once you have chosen,you are bound by the responsibilities that go with your choice. I am sure you are beginning to see why it is instructive that you choose wisely.
As psychologist and American author,Henry Cloud, added, “What we are attracted to in a person, is what we see on the outside,the looks and the personality,but what we end up experiencing in a long- term relationship is what we cannot see that is the inside,the character.”