How To Improve Your Self-Talk

What are you telling yourself? When you make a mistake,do you view it as just that,a mistake? Learn from it and make a point not to repeat it? Or do you begin to belittle yourself with a stream of negative self-talk? Do you recognize,as Billy Joel wrote in one of his songs, “You ‘re only human,” and lighten up on yourself?

One of the reasons I have been able to learn new things easily because growing up,my mother would tell me how smart I was. Being a young child,I believed this and began to behave in a manner consistent with her opinion.

We behave and perform in a manner which is consistent with what we believe about ourselves. Our beliefs are molded by what we tell ourselves over and over again.When you do something well,recognize and reinforce the positive behavior with positive self-talk. When you make a mistake,and realizing you are only human,tell yourself,you will do better next time.Use the power of your self-talk to help develop the habits and characteristics you want to create.

If the people in your life are those who belittle or do not appreciate your worth or value, you will need to pull away from them. They are “toxic people” and are poisonous to your overall wellbeing.

For whatever reason, either they don’t know any better,or they believe that this is the way to motivate people. It’s not! Perhaps they only want to ensure you don’t succeed and leave them behind.

Whatever their reasons,it is important for you to either get away from them or,at least,learn to ignore their sayings. If someone close to you is telling you that you are stupid and will never get ahead,you can be saying to yourself, “You ‘re wrong, I’m already getting ahead and becoming more successful each day.”

American essayist, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To be yourself in a world which is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Often,we receive these messages at a very tender age and carry them with us throughout our lives replaying them over and over again.We don’t realize the devastating impact such harsh words and criticisms can have on a young person’s mind. Children believe what they are told by the adults in their lives.

One of the reasons we have such problems in our society with teenage drug abuse,cultism,and teenage alcohol is a lack of self-esteem. I’m of a certainty that when you have a healthy self-image,you do not need to abuse drugs,or alchohol, or commit crimes. One of the solutions to the problems that plague our society is to raise people’s self-esteem.

Mind Your Utterances

We use phrases like, “Don’t get smart” and then wonder why our children are doing poorly in school. Can you see the connection? Whatever is repeated over and over again will be absorbed into the sub-conscious mind of the person listening,in this case,your children.

The words you choose and the phrases you use repeatedly will have lasting impact on your children. Why not choose words which will help them realize how amazing they are. Words that will make them realize their potential as unique,creative,smart,witty, inteligence,powerful,loving,and successful.

Imagine what could happen if you make a habit of using positive,empowering,self-esteem building messages everyday. Imagine all your children could become!

Decide now to create some positive messages you can implant in your children.

Put Away The Stick

Trying to change a person’s behavior by mentally or emotionally berating them,is like trying to fix a computer problem with a hammer. You would not dare consider such act,but we do this,without thinking,to the people in our lives.

A generation or two ago,most people believed that the way to improve someone’s behavior was to mentally and emotionally abuse the person by belittling and criticizing their actions. Unfortunately,there are some people who still believe this is an effective method. We know today that it is not. Berating someone inorder to improve their behavior is by no means,a form of self-centered act.

Getting The Best Out Of People

In sales and business,there are companies whose sales managers will berate their sales people with words like, “What’s wrong with you? Are you totally incompetent? You only made three sales when you were meant to make five.”

More effective sales managers know that the way to raise their people is to first acknowledge their success and then coach them to set new goals to do much better. A more effective scenario might sound more like this, “John,you had three sales last week. That’s great news. Now,let’s look at how you did that and see how you might reach your goal of five sales next week.”

By recognizing their success the effective sales managers reinforce the salesperson’s self-esteem and set the stage to help them grow and improve in the future.

Avoiding The Energy Vampires

Energy vampires include those people who can’t wait to tell you about the latest disaster which you can do nothing to change. But it can lead you to feeling awful if you allow it. These set of people leave you emotionally drained after spending only four or five minutes with them. It’s like they drain the energy off you with their negativity and complaints.

Since we are affected by the energy around us,if we stay in a negative situation for periods of time,we will be affected by its negative vibes.

Stick With The Winners

I’m not suggesting that you should be insensitive or unsympathetic to people who need someone to talk to,just that you minimize your interaction with them.

If you want to have a happier and more fulfilling life,hang out with people who are positive and support your dreams.


  1. Real solid practical advice here. Sometimes if we tell ourselves something over and over again it becomes our truth – I prefer telling myself better stories. Thanks for sharing.

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