Learning To Move On After A Breakup

There is the tendency for both parties to feel some or all of the following withdrawal symptoms after severing their relationship or having a break up: guilt,worry,depression,loneliness,anger,inferiority complex,self-pity and disappointment.

Guilt

Whether you are the one who initiated the breakup or the one who received it,you are likely to nurse a feeling of guilt. You may feel that you caused the breakup or that there may have been something you could have done to save the relationship. You may also feel guilty for been a part of a failed relationship.

Depression

Breaking up engenders depression.Life may seem gloomy and uninteresting,especially if you did not initiate the breakup and moreso,if you still want the relationship to continue.This is because emotions are involved. The same is true for divorce.

Loneliness

Because of shared experiences and moments and the coexistence which exists during courtship,a breakup is soon followed by a feeling of despair and loneliness. Your lives have revolved around each other for some time which created fun and excitement.

Anger

Anger is usually the forerunner to a breakup and it lingers even after the separation. This is also because of emotional attachment involved. Each partner feels hurt,cheated,deceived,or maltreated by the other. At times like this,all the shortcomings of the other partner becomes clear,even magnified.

Inferiority Complex

Sometimes,when you did not initiate a breakup,you are likely to feel a degree of inferiority engendered by the rejection. The partner who was rejected may begin to feel inadequate and pursue justification for the rejection.

Self-Pity

When your partner leaves you,especially when you still want the relationship to continue,despite the reasons you are given,you are most likely going to look for your own reasons. This is where you begin to trade blames on your inability and shortcomings.Highlighting your own inabilities to justify a breakup is nothing but self-pity.

Disappointment

People go into relationship with high expectations.A breakup can dash these expectations.When this happens,disappointment sets in. You feel hopeless and helpless because you invested a lot in the relationship.

How To Handle A Breakup

The withdrawal symptoms outlined above are very natural. They happen because breaking up,just as the name implies,involves the severing of emotional ties,and in the case of a divorce,support systems. A breakup often alters your way of life. However,you should pull yourself together and resume your social life( whatever you are involved in). Do not wear a sullen face and become forlorn.

A breakup often times,is difficult for both parties especially when it came up not as a result of some wrong doing by either party,but premised on a discovery that does not encourage either or both to continue. However,it is still difficult for the person who did not initiate it. The following are tips to help you get over a breakup.

  • Recognise that it is not the end of the world. You have your whole life ahead of you. Think of what you can do with the rest of your life.
  • Intensify your association and fellowship with your church believers. You will find help and encouragement.
  • In the event of breakup,you must demonstrate true love towards the other person no matter who initiated the breakup.Admittedly,this may be difficult since you did not initiated the breakup in the first place,but it is possible. Forgive even as God forgives you too.
  • Though the urge to want to go into a new relationship will be great owing to boredom and loneliness,it is advisable that you do not rush into a new relationship. You need time to heal your heart. Take at least six months to reappraise the situation so you avoid such mistakes from reoccuring.
  • Do not pent up your feelings. Extricate them. Talk to cousellors. You feel better when you unburden your feelings and it also help you to have less resentment towards the situation.
  • Reignite some aspect of your life that were put on hold as a result of the relationship.Sometimes,inorder to please your partner,you gave up things that were dear to you. Provided they are positive things,it will help to revisit them.
  • Focus on your career. You may need to pay more attention to your profession and the challenging areas of your endeavours.
  • Learn from the experience and become a better person as a result.

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