Instead of allowing the courstship period to be a period of building and nurturing friendship,commitment,and enduring qualities like godly character,virtue,integrity and compatibility,some couples indulge in premarital sex and sexual pleasures,forgetting that casual sex will result in a casual relationship.Strong emotions will not produce strong commitment.Just as compromise cannot produce total dedication in marriage.
Sin,especially sexual sin, is degradation,violation,disrespect,unfulfilment,humiliation and corrosion of God’s valuable resource-the human being. Sex only cheapens a relationship and breeds suspicion,disappointment,stress, emptiness,and many other destructive emotions,and may lead to failure or unsuccessful marriages.The question people often ask is: “How possible is it to avoid premarital sex during courstship?” The simple answer is it is absolutely possible.The key is allowing the Holy Spirit to be your guide.Also,by being disciplined and self-controlled.
The reality is that often times,we tend to handle the problems/challenges of life on our own.We seek God’s intervention only in circumstances we feel is really beyond our control. Infact,we think that is what God wants us to do. It is wrong. We are to depend on Him for everything.
Helplessness,according to Catherine Marshall is “One of the greatest assets a human being can have.” It is therefore not a sin to be helpless before God.
In other instance,some become engaged because of the wealth of the other person and not truly from a genuine motive.The motive behind such selfish action is finding possible means of escape from the adverse circumstances that bedeviled their lives. This shouldn’t be so. Marriage based on financial or material wealth often times run into troubled waters. What happens if circumstances change,or if the other person discovers your true motives? However,do not allow this factor to cause you to become paranoid. If you are from a wealthy background,do not begin to suspect that anyone interested in you is only after your wealth! Likewise,if you are from a humble background, it doesn’t mean that,if you are attracted to someone from a wealthier background than yours,you are after his or her wealth.The important thing is to check your motive and to know the other person well enough to understand his or her real motives for desiring a marriage with you.
Additionally,it is destructive insecurity which makes people want to assert themselves over others. Therefore they are not able to truly love and respect another person. Yet,respect is the very foundation of a successful marriage.There has to be a great deal of respect for each other in any successful relationship.
Respect involves caring about the other person’s best interest and not pushing only for personal gain.Yet people,because of who they are,become engaged to certain people or into certain circles because they believe those people are the ones good enough for them. They have a false idea of their own importance. They want someone who has attributes which will enhance theirs.
Inorderwords,a man may marry,not because he loves and respects a woman,but because he wants a wife who will:
- Satisfy his sexual desires legally;
- Cook his food;
- Take care of his parents;
- Take care of his siblings;
- Take care of hus children;
- Improve his financial position;
- Help him get the business connections he needs, and
- Be the cynosure of eyes when he takes her out.
A woman may marry to:
- Satisfy her sexual desires legally;
- have finacial security;.
- provide for her parents financially;
- provide for her siblings financially;
- improve herself educationally;
- provide material needs such as clothes,jewelleries, and cars, and
- go on foreign and expensive vacations.
All these reflect selfish motives and desires,not love.Such a person is fundamentally interested in making his or herself happy and not about making others happy.