Self-esteem is simply about how much you appreciate and like yourself.
Most people have remained stucked in life because of low self-esteem which often stems from upbringing. Our parents and loved ones unintentionally diminished our self-worth and self-value by their inflicting words and actions. As naive as we were back then,we didn’t really see any big deal in those words and actions. Normal and part of the disciplinary process we say.
But do you know that those inflicting words and actions had in some way made you lose sight of your true identity resulting in low self-esteem and insecurity.That’s right!
The experience of one of my mentee will suffice here.
“I grew up in a dysfunctional setting. Having to live under the tutelage of uncles,aunts and relatives who were my guardians. Survival was tough on my skin.Interestingly,I was the only female amidst three males who were my cousins and so I struggle with identity crisis.
I could remember vividly how my life played out between the age of six and ten. It was a memorable one but my true sense of identity was totally lost.With less attention to my yearning for love and care from my parents and even my guardians,I became detached,inadequate and a complete loner. I frantically searched for love and attention from neighbors alike. I mean I was everywhere. I only returned home at the slightest feeling of hunger or tiredness.
This became part of my identity. I was overly insecured and not confident of myself. Though I was brilliant and smart but I had no parental support and it invaded my mental and psychological space negatively till adulthood. One major factor for this negative tendency was self-acceptance. I lacked the virtue. I mean the word didn’t exist in my own dictionary. My parents didn’t prove that to me. How can? They were never married. My mother had me while she was in her first year in the university. My father wasn’t buoyant as such. My maternal grandparents had to take me in for nurture. So,my toddling/cradling years were at the family house as I stated in my introduction.
Up till adulthood,I made alot of wrong choices as a result of low self-esteem and had my fingers burnt on several occasions. Until I attained the age of thirty seven (I mean over twenty five years later) that I began to see positive changes around me.This didn’t happen overnight. I had to undergo dramatic and intense paradigm shift from my belief systems which was evident in my upbringing. My narratives about life and relationships were altered for good and I am now a secured and confident lady with so much vivacity. My self-esteem level is overly high and I keep improving myself daily through my social networks and relationships(I mean those in tandem with my values and priorities). It wasn’t easy though,a gradual process I must say. There were countless days of crying and frustrations and some days when I felt I wasn’t meant to be living anymore. Thank God help came quickly for me.”
Now,here are few relatable reasons why people develop low self-esteem.
- Inflicting words and actions from parents,families or loved ones.
- Environment where an individual lives and the relationships he or she keeps.
- The kind of spouse one is engaged to. If you find yourself with someone who is practically below your standards,(mind you,some people fall in love for the wrong reasons)he or she may rob off his or her low standards on you invariably making you loose sight of your self-worth/self-esteem.
- When a child lacks moral support,attention,and care from his or her parents,it could make such child to feel insecured and develop low self-esteem in the process.
- When,as a parent,all you do is to communicate the word managing/struggling to your child(ren) by the choice of clothes,or children items you purchase for them. This will definitely affect their mentality and make them develop inferiority complex when they are with their friends. Hey! I’m not saying you should go overboard inorder to prove your love and care to your children. At least,try as much as possible to purchase stuffs that makes them feel important and accepted. Remember,self-acceptance is key and an important part of the recognition stage which ultimately leads to high self-worth/self-esteem in people. Your children needs to know they are accepted in the family they belong. Make them feel like one.