Forget what hurts you in the past,but never forget what it taught you. However,if it taught you to hold on to grudges,seek revenge,not to forgive,or show compassion. To categorize people as bad,to distrust and be guarded with your feelings,then you didn’t learn a thing. God doesn’t bring you lessons to close your heart. He brings you lessons to open it by developing compassion,learning to listen,seeking to understand rather than of speculating. Practicing emphathy and developing conflict resolution through communication. If he brought you perfect people,how would you ever learn to spiritually evolve.”Shannon L. Alder
Being unable to forgive the wrongs done to you may keep from your consciousness the good qualities of your partner. As long as you keep channelling your energy or ruminating on the offence,you may become blinded to the good side of the offender.
Each one of us has got the good,bad,and the ugly side. But because of the need for approval,some of us prefer to put on the good side before the people in our life forgetting that, the other person also isn’t as perfect as you think.
Offence will always be there,but how do you react to them? It is absolutely natural to be angry,but the same anger turns into sin if you do not deal with it immediately. When you let go and forgive,you are unburdening unnecessary weight that can sabotage your peace of mind. You are free and can walk through life with ease.
I know sometimes,it can be difficult to say those words, ‘I’m sorry’ . To some,it’s easy to say ‘I’m sorry’ but those words are often muttered with clenched teeth and with eyes that communicates another message.
The truth is,forgiveness is not a word which is merely announced. It is a gift which has to be given. You should forgive even if the other party hasn’t said ‘I’m sorry.’
Anyone going into marriage must understand that there is nothing harder than trying to forgive,especially when you have been desperately wounded. It’s even worse when the offender shows no remorse,but displays a non chalant,uncaring attitude,sometimes even innocently,as could happen in marriage. If you have never been the forgiving type,you will definitely find it herculean to practice forgiveness in your marriage. You must realize,however,that forgiveness is the lifeline of any relationship because it is the first commandment of love.
Moving forward,forgiveness is not just a change in our behavior,a reluctant handshake and a forced smile. It is an active process which goes on inside the mind of someone who has been hurt. It is a change in our feelings and attitude. By forgiving,the offended person knocks down the barrier between him/her and the offender so that they are both free to be friends again.
Forgiving does not always mean forgetting. Though we forgive somebody,the memory might stay with us for a long time. We can carry it in our bodies as a physical sign. But forgiveness changes how we remember. It converts the curse into a blessing. When we forgive our parents for their divorce,our children for their lack of love towards us,our friends for their unfaithfulness in times of need,or our counsellors for their wrong advice,we no longer have to suffer as victims of events over which we have no control. Forgiveness allow us to take back our power and not let events destroy us. It actually allow those experiences to deepen our wisdom and sharpen our discernment. So,remember,forgiveness heals memories.Bob & Debby Gass