As an adult,you might think it’s better to leave the past alone believing, “The past is the past; I can’t do anything about it now.”
There’s more to it than that. Your life is a journey influenced by parents,teachers,extended family and other significant relationships.These people have helped mold you into the person you are today. Unfortunately,some of their influences may have been negative. Those negative influences can actually sabotage the real you.
Everyone sees who you appear to be, few experience who you areOmobola Stephen
Let’s go back to early childhood. What do all young children want and need? Mostly,to feel loved, to feel safe,to get attention,and to feel significant. Children look to the significant people in their lives for guidance and for direction and they often adopt their ways. Children learn to model whatever behavior is expected. “Be nice.” “Be good.” “Be brave.”
The world of children is dominated by big people upon whom their very lives depend.
As children,we learned that if we behaved badly,the big people might withdraw their love or even threaten to leave us. Gradually,we suppressed those parts of our natural character that were judged as bad,shameful or lacking. By the time we reached our teen years,we may have discarded some of our natural talents altogether, because they were considered not good enough or not worthy of pursuit. “You ‘ll never be a singer,you can’t even carry a note.” “Nobody in your family has ever started a business! Who do you think you are?”
The opposite happens when parents employ undue pressure to force a teenager or college graduate to follow a specific career path because it runs in the family.
Have you ever observed someone who has been pushed into an inappropriate role? It’s frustrating. Resentment sets in and the person experiences a feeling of being trapped. The real talent may be screaming to be set free.
I remembered a story my mom shared with me about her childhood friend,Suzie while we were having a family lunch time. Suzie narrates the story to her in this manner. “When I was about the age of ten. A new girl had joined my class. Her name was Racheal. She was a great artist. Racheal could draw anything,even animals. The life-like potraits she painted were absolutely amazing. I was in awe. I remember comparing my talent to hers and deciding, “I will never be good enough.” I threw my art and talent away into the waste basket of my judgement. With that judgement,I threw away my potential. Today,I am in a remodelling phase of my life. I ‘ve retrieved what I threw into that basket many years ago. Now I’m celebrating because I can paint,and I’ve discovered I paint well.” Suzie concluded.
It’s never too late to rekindle the flame of your personality,or to pursue a dream that you may have long ago discarded. Grandma Moses didn’t start painting until she was well into her senior years, and she became world famous.
What have you thrown away? Was it a unique talent? An ambition? Maybe it was an emotional need to feel loved,accepted or included. The thing you discarded-or buried deep inside- It’s still part of the real you.
Here’s another thing; As children,we are told in many ways that it isn’t okay to be ourselves. “Don’t be selfish.” “Don’t cry.” “Don’t be scared.” Infact, at that moment, we are intensely experiencing those feelings,but our reality is being denied.
Children observe the world from a unique perspective. If a situation appears threatening they learn to cope,adapt,or avoid. What seem traumatic may not even be noticed by a busy parent. Left to their own coping mechanisms,children use their imagination to handle traumatic situations. They can even develop new personalities. On the way to adulthood,young girls and boys often create a closet- full of personas to cover up the real person underneath. Those personas are called masks. Your mask may deceive the outside world but not your heart.
Be careful who you pretend to be. You might forget who you are.Kushand Wizdom