Exercising your “No” muscle may be all you need when you want to preserve healthy boundaries. I’ve been flexing my No muscle for several years now and have almost mastered it. Although my need to feel useful sometimes gets in the way and a Yes slips out.However,most of the time,I’m dynamite at saying No.
It’s important to understand the reason for your resistance to saying No.This is part of the cure. Anyways,before you say No,do check your intentions.Simply ask yourself: What is my intention if I agree to this request? Is it to genuinely help out,to look good,or to automatically repeat old patterns that always causes stress?
Don’t say maybe if you want to say no.Ryan Holiday.
Checking our intentions is a great way to observe the self-sabotaging games we play.
Kindly do a check if you have any of the following symptoms:
- When you say No you automatically feel guilty.
- You are seeking approval because it matters to you what people think.
- You have a high need to be useful.
- You believe that it’s selfish to say No to anyone,or at the very least not good manners.
Tips to help you say No
1. Buy yourself time to Think
If you ‘re a knee-jerk yes person,this is especially important. Be assertive. Learn to use phrases like,”Let me check my calendar first” or “I ‘ll get back to you in a couple of days,” or “Let me think about that,am not ready to make a decision right now.” Each of these answers gives you more time to think through the request so you can make the decision that’s best for you.
2. Create Policy Statements
Coporations have policies that sound like they are cast in stone. You and your family can too.for example, we have a policy to only support children’s charities.
3.Shift the focus back to you.
This is not about you. I need to say No for me.This is my personal favorite. When you say this sincerely with emphathy for the other person’s situation and use great eye contact,it’s magic.Just about anyone will understand and support someone who says No for their own personal reasons.
4. Know your priorities and stick to them
Once again,check your most important values.If having supper together as a family is a high priority,say No to all interruptions. That includes cell phone,TV,sales people, or reading materials.it’s difficult enough to find time for meaningful conversation,so put your foot down.
5. Keep it simple
You don’t need to give long-winded explanations or make excuses about your decision to say No. That can make you vulnerable.Keep it short and simple.If you ‘re feeling weak or unassertive,don’t attempt to convince the other person by rationing or even worse,telling half truths. This usually comes to haunt you,buy some time instead.
Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree on.