Why childhood trauma can sabotage your relationships if healing hasn’t taken place.

If you have ever been abused emotionally, physically,psychologically, and verbally etc as a child, it would be appropriate to say you have gone through childhood trauma. Almost 98% of adults living on planet Earth have been through this phase. However,if you haven’t found healing ,it maybe difficult to lead a healthy life.Suffice it to say,have a healthy relationships both with yourself and with others. Childhood trauma is a big issue and must be treated as such. Experts in the field have been raising awareness on this subject and it can never be enough. We need to raise a better generation and it begins with having the right knowledge/information.

James Garbarino once said,”The initial trauma of a young child may go underground but it will return to haunt us.

He is absolutely right.

Omobola had a worthwhile,impactful and enlightening discussion with Riana Milne, an expert in the field of childhood and love trauma,relationships and mindset and here’s the excerpt:

OS:Who is Riana Milne?

RM: So who am I?

My journey started in year 2000 when I went to be certified as a counselor. I have a triple Masters in applied clinical and counselling psychology and I opened up my practice in New Jersey USA. I got a therapy by the sea. During those years,I worked in schools; every great level: kindergarten through college as a crisis and trauma counselor.I worked in hospitals with kids ages five(5)through nineteen(19) as a trauma counselor. I worked with kids who are suicidal. Cutting,eating disorders,runaways. Kids that were adopted or part of foster care. So,clinically, mental health cases. I’m also working in my own private practice; addiction; teenage addiction centers as long as women from the prison system. So,all those in combination led me to do alot of work with trauma recovery.

In 2009, I decided to go for coaching cause my mother was always more education and solution focused. So,I got certified as a life and love coach for singles and couples and then became CCTP(Certified Clinical and Trauma Professional). Also,in my coaching,in all of that ,what I do today as I work globally to help people overcome love trauma and usually people who have endured or suffered from love trauma attracted that person into their life because their own childhood trauma has not been healed. So,it’s a puzzle of trying to get back to the beginning of what their trauma we’re and see how they are showing up for them today.

OS: You work with clients to create a unique love story. I want us to talk about it.

RM: I’m also an inter-faith minister. And I’ve been doing weddings since 1997. I’ve been doing that in Atlantic City in Florida. The reason I do custom weddings is I’m an author. I’ve written books. Live and love beyond your dreams and five (5) other books. But,Live love beyond your dreams are the ones from my coaching clients. They are for the mindset for success. But I had become a inter-faith minister like I said in 1997,and faith is a very important part of healing traumas so it’s part of my coaching program.

OS: Do you have any experience on trauma as a child?

RM: Sure! Nine(9) out of ten(10) people have at least one to three traumas on the list. So,when I go through the traumas,I’d be glad to share where mine showed up. I had three(3) of them that I can identify,maybe four(4).And it’s so far behind me now with all the healing work that I’ve been doing that it’s just really they don’t faze me anymore. And that’s the goal. To get people behind the anxiety of any emotional triggers that may be coming up. So,I did have a love trauma situation that happened with a husband,actually two(2) husbands. So,the most recent one,I annulled the marriage. I stood up with my own attorney and wrote up the case within twenty four(24) hours because I know an attorney could not really go into the psychological component of my ex-husband who I describe as Dr Jackall and Mr high. To society,he was fabulous and look like the ideal partner and was the ideal partner. Then,he had a whole secret life that was very much in the dark side and was uncovered by him getting fired at work. It was a big community scandal because he worked within a school…

OS:What are the five(5) adverse childhood trauma that can sabotage an otherwise healthy relationship?

RM: Okay, that’s actually ten(10). I developed the ten(10) childhood trauma checklist that is very easy for people to do and they can do that right at my website, rianamilne.com by getting my free ebook right there and it describes more of the childhood trauma and gives you the checklist. The ten(10) were actually more than that. But there were the top ten(10) I was seeing over and over again. In all ages, all population,all cultures. Depending… Different situations. These ten(10) traumas kept reoccurring. So,I can go through these quickly and will tell you how they showed up in love relationships. So,the first one again,…I do want to explain now more than ever before I want to go into it. If your parents are still living, it’s not about blaming your parents at this point. And it’s not about feeling ashamed because that you might have gone through this because you were just a child. You are innocent. A product of your environment and there’s nothing you can really do as a child to change these things. So,we are trying to just look at these as facts at this point…

OS: Some people believe that it’s nearly impossible to have the love that one deserves. I want to discount that? Do you share any contrary opinion?

RM:Yes! It’s really important to get educated in love relationships.In part four(4) of my book,Love beyond your dreams: Break free from toxic relationships to have the love you deserve,you can get sample chapters actually on my website,rianamilne.com. It’s a whole section based on research and what the emotionally healthy and conscious relationships looks like.So,when you know what it is and you know that you have healed your own childhood wound,you are not bringing this type of behavior into adult relationships,then,yes,you definitely can if you have another conscious partner that also.knowe what an emotionally healthy relationship is…

Riana Milne’s contribution on the subject of life,love,and childhood trauma is definitely one for the records. Her expertise is profound. To listen to her full interview,kindly click the link and check out E144: Having the life and love you truly deserve with Riana Milne

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