One good way of unravelling who you are is finding out who you are not. It’s time to be real. Putting on a mask and ensuring it becomes glued will only make you lose sight of who you really are. The mask becomes a comfortable substitute.
Masks prevent you from sharing the most valuable gift you have. That gift is the real you. A distorted replica simply can’t replace the real you.
Inorder to have a deeper and healthy connection with yourself and with others,you may need to unmask.
John Powell, author of Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am? says this: “Most of us feel that others will not tolerate such emotional honesty in Communication. We would rather defend our honesty on the grounds that it might hurt others and havingp rationalized our phoniness into nobility, we settle for superficial relationships.”
In as much as you desire to have some people in your life,it will be unwise to think you can earn their relationship by being a pseudo or putting on a mask so that you can be accepted. This will only sabotage your true power and self value/self-worth. It’s high time people accept you for who you are. Period!
The question is, Are you hyper-vigilant about what think of you and how to please them? Do you seek approval about your figure,the clothes you wear,the size of your home,the car you drive,and how much money you earn? Be honest, Will you do almost anything to get the approval of others? This is a big issue. You are the approval-seeker individual. This mask is most common and the individuals who wear it are pleasing and agreeable. They have difficulty setting boundaries because the needs of everyoneelse is more important than their own. Their stance is, “You count,I don’t.”
Truly,almost everyone of us desire to be liked but when this desire overrides everything else,the life becomes focused on how other people react and respond to them. They try to make themselves uncomfortable inorder for others to be comfortable. The approval-seeker mask is their way of getting attention. However,deep inward,they feel unlovable.This isn’t healthy in any way.
If your life including your deficiencies became headline news in a national newspaper,how many people would care? Not many-most people are far too busy figuring out how to make their own lives work.
Here are my tips for pulling off the mask:
- Commit to shifting your focus
It is time for you to move the focus from others to you. This is not being selfish or egocentric. It’s about finding a healthy equilibrium between meeting your own needs and genuinely serving others.The approval-seeker can be deluding and time-wasting. Instead of looking inwards and honoring your individuality,you prefer to allow others receive the applause.Is this really what you are about? Sometimes,the people you are trying to seek approval from may only want to inflate your ego but inwardly,they don’t like the idea of you coming around to seek their opinion.
- Boost your self-confidence
Always allow others to see you as you really are,not as you manipulate them to see you.
When you have self-confidence,you don’t need to struggle to win the approval of people.Their approval comes to you naturally.
To have self-confident is to believe in oneself without waiting on others.
Lack of self-confidence makes you appear ordinary to people and this is not a good thing.
Letting others think and do for you only makes things worse.If your self-confidence is low,you will always come up short.
- Get In touch with your emotions
It’s okay to respect your feelings and for others to do same. You don’t need to apologize for having them.
Do try and speak up honestly and openly on issues that bothers you or is of huge importance to your well-being and don’t feel threatened or odd about it. Being real is the best thing that can ever happen to you. Afterall,you have got nothing to lose. Remember,you are only trying to seek for the opinions of others and most times,they don’t count. Let your behavior reflect your honesty with the people in your life.
When you are absorbed by what others think of you,the reality is that you are making the situation all about you.
“What do they think of me?” No wonder people perceive this behavior as being self-centered.
If you must know,the universe does not revolve around you.The people in your life are not spending all day thinking about you unless are seriously ill or in the middle of a crisis.
- Take care of yourself first
Taking care of yourself must be consciously considered when it comes to having a healthy and balanced life.You have to be available to yourself first before you are to others. This may mean setting a boundary.
The reason many people find it difficult to set boundaries is that they get stuck in the rut if wanting approval. “But I need you to like me…”
The need for constant approval will rob you of your self-respect and self-esteem. Being afraid to do or say something that might disappoint or hurt someone is no way to live. If you keep collapsing your boundary so that the people in your life will love you more,they will eventually stop trusting you and you will end up resenting them. This is a big lose-lose scenario. Keep reminding yourself that you are of more value to them when you love yourself. You cannot give what you don’t have.
Though this will take time and courage to do but the real you will be glad you did.