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Spread Love And Not Hate

Acknowledgement is sharing your love with someone else. This not only gives you joy,it uplifts the other person. How do you feel when someone singles you out for a job well done? It feels good.

What happens when you acknowledge a child? He or she lights up! Every human being has a need to feel validated and loved. Women on the homefront need to feel that they are not taken for granted. When we get hurt,we need to be heard,we want someone to understand our pain- Pain that usually comes from a lack of validation.

Those who are truly grateful are deeply moved by the privileges of living.

Audiq Ice

When we acknowledge others and don’t expect anything in return,they are touched. Their spirit is lifted for a while. This has a ripple effect,in that they often reach out and touch others as well.

Are you familiar with the concept “Pay it forward?” My friend Anne gave me a great example of this. She was standing in line waiting to pay for her cofee. Apparently,the woman behind her was visibly unhappy. Anne said ,”She looked miserable and I was concerned. As I handed over my $5 to the cashier,I said,’This is for my coffee and also for the woman behind me.’ When the woman heard that,her face brightened with a beautiful smile. “Thank you!,” she said. ‘And this is for the person behind me.’ Soon others were smiling and laughing. For with a dollar, I was able to share my gratitude and happiness by helping others begin their day with a smile.”

And while acknowledging the darkest and heaviest times we experience,it’s important we still need to spin the moment,paint it different colors,and transform it because positivity saves lives.

Debbie Lynn,30 degrees full circle

Sometimes with only seconds to respond, we miss the opportunity to acknowledge someone.Try to become more spontaneous- act when you first get the feeling or thought. The longer you wait,the less chance there is of following through. Start with the wonderful practice of Acknowledgement. Before you do,a word of caution: Giving Acknowledgement to get something in return is manipulation.(I want their approval,I want her friendship) so check your intentions. True acknowledgment is unconditional.

When passion and courage join forces,adversity cannot stop you.

Les Hewitt
Listen here>>> Sexual turnoffs: The Blabbermouth

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What Is Guiding And Motivating Your Attitudes Or Actions?

You only live once. But if you work it right,once is enough.

Fred Allen

How can you work it right? By knowing your values and living by them everyday.Do this and you will have few regrets in your life.

When you are feeling good and everything’s going your way,it’s not difficult to consistently live out your values.However,when your values determine you should take an action that will hurt you or cost you something,it can be harder to follow through.

As a leader,it’s absolutely important to lead others by the values you embrace. Though it may alienate you from others but not from yourself.

Most people get into trouble when their values and their feelings collide.

If one of your values is integrity and you found out that an item was mistakenly dropped in your cart while shopping, returning it won’t be a difficult thing for you to do. However,if you found your boss sleeping with your fiancé in the office and you knew calling the attention of others would get you fired. Of course, that will be a difficult thing to do especially when you know that losing your job might cause you your house or ruining you financially.

This is what happens,successful people do what’s right no matter how they feel about it. They don’t expect to be able to feel their way into acting. They act first and then hope that their feelings will follow suit.

True, life changes begins when you decide to change your value system because it is foundational to everything you do.

The day I realized this truth,I began to discipline myself in ensuring I live up to my values. Moreso, I surrounded myself with folks who share the same values as mine and those who equally help me improve on them as each day passes.

What I did was that,I jot down my values in a little book and at the end of each day, I spend a minute reviewing and reflecting on each of those values. This way,I stay on track and I’m less likely to drift away from living them out. Hey! Not coming on so easy though.

Try not to become men of success.Rather, become men of value.

Albert Einstein

Now,managing your life according to your values isn’t easy.Why? Because your values will be tested daily by those who do not embrace them.Negative people may discount you when you display a positive attitude. People without families may not understand your devotion to your family. Unreachable people won’t understand your devotion to personal growth. And those whose priorities are different from yours will try to convince you to follow them or make unwise compromises.

Here is a simple tip to help you by:

* Once you have created your lists of values,write a descriptive statement for each one explaining how you intend to apply it to your life and what benefit or direction that will bring. Keep the document where you can see it everyday. Think about your values often to help them soak in. As you go through your day and face decisions,measure your choices against your values. And whenever it’s appropriate,talk about them.It not only cements your values in your mind and helps you to practice them,but it also adds a level of accountability.

Fact sheet*

If you talk your values but neglect to walk them,then you will continually undermine your integrity and credibility. And this will happen even if you are unaware of your behavior and are not doing it intentionally.

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What Do You Like To See In Your Life?

Positive affirmation is a way of using positive sentences that you repeat to yourself to build up self-belief in your subconscious mind.This means,effectively writing a list of affirmations that inspire and motivate you to be better and help to overcome inner barriers and self-doubt.

Ever heard the saying that your day is predicated on how well your morning looks like. How about saying a few affirmations each morning before you set out for the day’s activities?

When you begin to say these phrases,they might not necessarily be true,but they should be designed to reflect what you want to be true. You need to make them powerful and unique to who and what you want to become. Then,overtime,the consistent repetition of daily positive affirmations will help to reshape your inner beliefs and assumptions about yourself and the world around you.This reshaping gives you a more positive perception of who you are and where you stand.So,most importantly,you have to truly believe an affirmation to be true.

Positive people will remind themselves daily of what they want to see or how they want their future to turn out.

Law of attraction experts almost universally recommend using positive affirmations. However,perhaps,you have struggled to design affirmations that work for you.

Perhaps you are new to the law of attraction and are not sure how to start using positive daily affirmations in the most productive way to program your subconscious mind,although,you may know that they are supposed to be a powerful tool,maybe you just do not understand how affirmations work best and are worried that you are limiting your manifestation potential. If your experience of positive affirmations has been frustrating,confusing,overwhelming, or awkward, you are not alone. The good news is that you can find a way to actually make them work for you. Meanwhile,if you are just learning about affirmations and feeling intimidated,here is a guide to demystify the concept.The best place to always start is in the morning after you wake up.This positive affirmation transcend beyond that moment into the very fabric of your entire day.

The benefits of daily affirmations show that when you are stressed,you can boost your problem-solving skills by using self-affirmations. So affirmations can help you perform better under pressure. This is particularly useful in situations like job interviews and first dates.

Daily affirmations help you vibrate in alignment, abundance,rather than in lack. This can help you manifest law of Attraction goals at even faster rate.Also affirmations make you more aware of your thought processes. Greater awareness makes you more likely to challenge negative thoughts as they arise. This also enhances your self-knowledge,making you better at knowing what you really want in life. They reconnect you with feelings of gratitude and enhance your perspective on the good things in life.This can boost your hapiness as well as your vibrational frequency.

Recent research indicates that optimistic people tend to have better cardiovascular health. Inorderwords,if your affirmations make you more optimistic,they could help you to live more longer too. phrases,they might not necessarily be true,but they should be designed to reflect what you want to be true. You need to make them powerful and unique to who and what you want to become. Then,overtime,the consistent repetition of daily positive affirmations will help to reshape your inner beliefs and assumptions about yourself and the world around you.This reshaping gives you a more positive perception of who you are and where you stand.So,most importantly,you have to truly believe an affirmation to be true.

Positive people will remind themselves daily of what they want to see or how they want their future to turn out.

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.

Robert H Schuller.

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Focusing On What you do best Actually Pays Off

I believe everyone is blessed with unique talents and skills.

An important part of life is discovering what these are. Do you know what you are brilliant at doing? Yes, I said brilliant. That’s a word most people shy away from. Look at this this way. What do you do with ease that other people find difficult? What energizes and stimulates you? When does time fly for you? What are your natural talents?

If you are considering a change of work or career,check outside of your current resume. Do you have any hobbies,dreams,past times,or talents that may be seeds for a new vocation? Too often we turn blind eye to things that comes easy to us. We think we always need to be working hard at something. Maybe you are an exceptional organizer or over and  above the multi tasking skills virtually all women need to acquire. Perhaps you are whiz on the computer, or you have a great eye for color and design. May be you are terrific with people,or good at delivering presentations. Your natural talents will always energize you. When you do what you love, not only will you feel great joy and accomplishment,your energy will flow freely. Doing this is a crucial part of tracking your sources of energy and restoration. This is searching the truth of who you are. If you haven’t already done so,make a list of your various skills and give each a score between one and ten. The highest numbers are what you do exceptionally well. If you are unsure,get feedback from your closest friends and co-workers. Sometimes they can see your talents better than you can. Ask yourself,how much of your time is invested in doing what you do best? At work, are your best talents being utilized,or do you spend most of your day using lesser competencies?Start focusing more of your time on what you do best,especially in your work. You will be more energized and create more opportunities for yourself by constantly honing your natural skills.

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What Happened To Our Dreams?

Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyhow.

Martin Luther King

To dream is to live. To dream is to feel the excitement and possibilities the future holds for us. Goethe quote says “Whatever you can do or dream you can,begin it. Boldness has genius,power and magic in it.”

Our dreams are what make us want to jump out of bed each morning eager to begin a new day. They are what propel us through life and give meaning to our existence. They are also what makes the difference between a life fully lived with joy,passion,and fulfilment or one,as Henry David Thoreau said, “Of quiet desperation.” You have dreams, you may have forgotten them or put them aside because you were told, “Stop dreaming and be realistic.” But you have them nonetheless. By the way,neither of those beliefs serve your best interests. Don’t stop dreaming! Dreams are what has given us everything that we have in our society-advancement in technology,medicine,science,and invention. Dreamers have given us virtually every advancement we have made since the dawn of civilization. You too have a God-given birthright to see your dreams a reality. You have every right to live your dreams to the fullest and use them create the life you were born to live.

What happened to our dreams?

As young children,we all had dreams about who we wanted to become and what we wanted to accomplish. As we grew older,we were taught by well-intentioned individuals to put our dreams aside and be “Be sensible.” Our educational system,for the most part,has been designed to discourage independent thinking. It teaches everyone to walk to the beat of the same drummer. We were taught to draw “Within the lines” and “Follow the rules.” It is interesting to not that most people who have achieved excellence in any field have done so by stepping out of the box. Most of our most accomplished citizens,people like Thomas Edison,holder of numerous patents and the discoverer of electricity, and Albert Eistein were very poor students in school. Bill Gates presently,one of the wealthiest man in the world,dropped out of Harvard to pursue his passion for computers. I’m not suggesting that education is unnecesary,just dont let it get in the way of your walking to the “beat of your own drummer,” Education was put in perspective for me few years ago. At the time, I was struggling with settling for a white-collar job or utilising my potential in writing. I had few attempts in some reputable companies but soon realise that nothing is ever fulfilling until you have found your core-competence and passion and utilising it. I later dropped the former and decided to harness my potential and I must say,it has taken me far and wide beyond my imagination. Today,I am thankful that my formal education did not mess up my ability to think. Never give up on your dreams,do not allow anyone talk you out of a dream that is important to you. If not for the dreamers,this world would be a pretty dull place.

You are not too Old

As long as you have a pulse,you can move toward realizing your dreams inspite of any age difference. Of course there are some exceptions.If you are 75 and want to be a professional footballer,this is not likely to happen,however,there are lots of other dreams you can fulfil regardless of your age. For example,Ray Kroc founded Mc Donalds at age 54,Harlan(Colonel) Sanders began KFC at 65. On July 24,1987, Hulda Crooks became the oldest person to climb Mt.Fuji in Japan. She was ninety one at the time.Upon doing so,she exclaimed, “You always feel good when you make a goal.” What are some of your dreams? What is it that you would like to have in your life? What would you like to do? Where would you like to go? Who would you like to meet? What would you like to be known for? As you begin a Fresh Start,ponder on these things.

No matter where you are from,your dreams are valid.

Lipitor Nyong’o
What does Love mean to you? Click here to listen
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Focusing On The Positive Side Of Life


The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. Let your unique awesomeness and positive energy inspire confidence in others. Wherever you go, no matter what the weather is, always bring your own sunshine. If you want light to come into your life, you need to stand where it is shining.

-Unknown

Have you noticed how we tend to hone in on the negative aspects of our lives,instead of the positive? That’s a big reason why we don’t experience more of the nurturing emotions that hapiness provides. We focus on the day-to-day irritations and inconveniences,allowing these to color our whole outlook.

Over a time this becomes a habit-we do it unconsciously. The news media doesn’t help in anyway. They provide an overwhelming diet of negative events,from wars,murders,rapes,and tragedies to family violence, kidnappings and all manner of disasters. Do you realize that 90 percent of all news is negative?Depressing!

Most people see life as one big burden. They obsess on everything that doesn’t work,instead of focusing on what is good and on the possibilities to make it even better. Worry,guilt, and resentment fuel this negative cycle. No wonder we find it so difficult to have more joy,happiness and contentment.

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances,but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.

Hugh Downs.

I know how this feels. When I was growing up,life appeared to be a constant battle. I felt I always had to have my dukes up,ready for the next fight. Optimism was partially part of my thought process though. I looked with scepticism at people who were extremely positive thinkers. When things went their way,I just thought they were lucky. Then slowly,with time,I started to realize that there was another way to live.

When I was faced with challenges,it was healthier to be optimistic and focus on solutions. In my old way of thinking,I would crumble into automatic pessimism, blaming everyone and complaining about my circumstances. The combination of a negative outlook and my limiting beliefs compounded my inability to be happy. It was a personal sabotage.

Gradually,I made a conscious choice to be happier and to have a more positive outlook. This wasn’t easy though. It took a lot of mental discipline and awareness to alter my perspective.

Now,one reason we struggle to find happiness is due to our limiting beliefs. Does a part of you believe things are too good to be true? Do you ever say things like this:

  • I just knew it wouldn’t last.
  • I always get the short end of the stick.
  • I don’t deserve to be happy.

Pause for a moment and think about this question. Do you tend to focus on the negative aspects of life? Do you deserve to be happy?

My advice is to,develop your optimism muscle. Optimists look at the world and see the same things that the pessimists see,yet,their response is quite different.

The optimists admires the beautiful mountain scenery through her kitchen window,while the pessimist see the dirty fingerprints on the glass.

Cultivate an optimistic mind, use your imagination, always consider alternatives, and dare to believe that you can make possible what others think is impossible.

Rodolfo Costa

Another habit to refrain from is blaming and complaining. Pessimists do a lot of this. It’s pointless,because when you focus on whatever is bothering you, the negative energy expands. Nobody likes to be around a whiner.

I have found that putting things into perspective helps. When some thing pulls you down,step back and observe it from a much bigger stage. What does this one situation look like compared to your whole life picture? How important is it in the whole scheme of things? Even a critical turning point like a layoff at work,when viewed simply as a single event or a chapter in your life,can be compressed into a less significant role.

You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control the way you think about all the events. You always have a choice. You can choose to face them with a positive mental attitude.

Roy T. Bennett
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How Far Can Your Habits Take You?

There’s an insurance factor that will guarantee you enjoy the best results. It’s called successful habits. This is the glue that holds everything together, day by day. Habits are the daily disciplines that determine whether or not you will end up with a positive mental image,vibrant health and financial freedom.

Quality is not an act,it is a habit.

Aristotle

Here’s an important fact to remember,Successful people have successful habits,unsuccessful people don’t. It’s that simple.You can apply this strategy to any area of your life that you wish to improve and reap wonderful rewards.

First, let’s define habits. Simply put,Habits are something you do often,until they become easy. The longer you repeat the behavior,the easier it becomes until eventually you do it unconsciously. For example,I wanted to increase my water and fruit intake,I would get off to a good start for a couple of weeks and then I ‘d forget. The problem was that i was too sporadic-I needed a plan.I decided that each time I’m heading to the gym,I would take along a large water bottle and one piece of fruit,with the promise to myself that they would be gone before I returned home. This worked like a charm. I am now totally conscious of packing them in my bag and it’s automatic I consume them. That habit is now 4 years plus.

You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage-pleasantly,smiling,non-apologetically to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside.

Steven Covey

We are all creatures of habit. Most of our normal daily behaviour is habitual. The first ninety minutes of my morning from the time I wake up until I’m in work mode,involves habits that are automatic: bathroom,shower,makeup,dressing,preparing breakfast,reading,washing up,checking the to-do list. None of these habits require major decisions.

What about you? When you wake up,do you immediately think,”I wonder what my habits will be today?” Of course not.You simply do what you do,and get on with your day.

Good Habits Produce better Results

To put this in proper perspective,the results of your bad habits won’t show until much later in life. The results,I call them consequences.

I have discovered this to be true,if we keep making bad choices about our health or money,the consequences probably won’t occur immediately. It takes time for cholesterol to build to the point where it causes a heart attack . Lung cancer doesn’t manifest its deadly consequences with a single pack of cigarettes. It takes years. The result is still usually fatal.

The consequences of your bad habits can be heart-breaking.

So,here’s what you can do:

  • List your bad habits-Write them down. You know what they are. Consider each area of your life-fitness,relationships,work,money,driving,Communication,following through on your promises etc. Go ahead and be specific and pick the habit that you really want to change.
  • Assess the consequences-Opposite your bad habit,write the long term consequences if you continue this behavior. Think about the long term of your behavior,not the outcome tomorrow or next.
  • Clarify your new habit and take action-Defining a better habit is easy. Just write down the opposite of your bad habit. For example,Get up on time. Do not hit the snooze alarm once,never mind five times.
  • Develop a No exceptions policy and stick to it- Creating new habits,especially exercise programs are difficult at the start. The first few weeks will really test you. There will be times when you want to quit. Don’t! Develop a No exceptions policy and stick to it. If you do,the rewards will far outweigh any initial discomfort.

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.

Warren Buffet
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What’s The Fuss About The Competence Factor?

Competence is like having internal security. You are self-reliant. You trust yourself to make good judgements and decisions and you allow yourself to make mistakes.

Do you have the ability to think,reason,and judge for yourself? Do you have a mind to trust? Do you defer to others most of the time? These are important questions to ponder on as you continue to build a foundation for healthy self-esteem.

Competence builds confidence. You know you are capable,well-grounded,and savvy enough to overcome the obstacles that life presents.

If you think you can do it,that’s self-confidence. If you do it,that’s competence

Morris Code

We all feel overwhelmed and helpless from time to time. However,the competent individual knows these situations are not permanent. He or she is proactive and uses his or her knowledge and ability to initiate solutions.

When someone is over-reliant on others to make choices and also accept their opinions,not allowing room to think independently, then,such person will find it hard to build competence.

As a matter of fact,such a person will need to start thinking for his or her self.

My question is,are you an independent thinker? Do your opinions matter? Are you in the habit of openly expressing yourself?

If you are struggling with the feeling of insecurity and uncertainty, this can be frightening. The way to conquer the fear is to push through anxiety and speak up anyway believing that your opinions have value. If you keep practising this,it will become easier. Eventually,it will be a habit that feels natural.

The test of true competence is the end result.

Ron Hubbard

To keep this in perspective,it’s impossible to be competent in all areas of your life and you don’t need to be. A person who has been out of the job market for eight years may not feel competent re-entering the workforce. However, he or she shines in another area.

Inorderwords, do yourself a favor- lighten up,you can’t be great at everything.

Moving forward,here’s what will build the competence level for you(if you must)

  • Experience life fully- Participate.
  • Understand that unexpected challenges teaches you resilience.
  • Take responsibility- Think for yourself.
  • Make your own choices and decisions.
  • Improve your skills- Keep learning.
  • Trust yourself.

If you have younger ones around you,try to allow them become decision-makers. Let them take some risks and make mistakes. By doing so,you are building in them self-believe in their capabilities.

Children who learn to be responsible for themselves build their own level of competence.

Competence is such a rare bird in the woods that I always appreciate it when I see it.

Frank Underwoods,
House of Cards.

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Bring Back The Real You

As an adult,you might think it’s better to leave the past alone believing, “The past is the past; I can’t do anything about it now.”

There’s more to it than that. Your life is a journey influenced by parents,teachers,extended family and other significant relationships.These people have helped mold you into the person you are today. Unfortunately,some of their influences may have been negative. Those negative influences can actually sabotage the real you.

Everyone sees who you appear to be, few experience who you are

Omobola Stephen

Let’s go back to early childhood. What do all young children want and need? Mostly,to feel loved, to feel safe,to get attention,and to feel significant. Children look to the significant people in their lives for guidance and for direction and they often adopt their ways. Children learn to model whatever behavior is expected. “Be nice.” “Be good.” “Be brave.”

The world of children is dominated by big people upon whom their very lives depend.

As children,we learned that if we behaved badly,the big people might withdraw their love or even threaten to leave us. Gradually,we suppressed those parts of our natural character that were judged as bad,shameful or lacking. By the time we reached our teen years,we may have discarded some of our natural talents altogether, because they were considered not good enough or not worthy of pursuit. “You ‘ll never be a singer,you can’t even carry a note.” “Nobody in your family has ever started a business! Who do you think you are?”

The opposite happens when parents employ undue pressure to force a teenager or college graduate to follow a specific career path because it runs in the family.

Have you ever observed someone who has been pushed into an inappropriate role? It’s frustrating. Resentment sets in and the person experiences a feeling of being trapped. The real talent may be screaming to be set free.

I remembered a story my mom shared with me about her childhood friend,Suzie while we were having a family lunch time. Suzie narrates the story to her in this manner. “When I was about the age of ten. A new girl had joined my class. Her name was Racheal. She was a great artist. Racheal could draw anything,even animals. The life-like potraits she painted were absolutely amazing. I was in awe. I remember comparing my talent to hers and deciding, “I will never be good enough.” I threw my art and talent away into the waste basket of my judgement. With that judgement,I threw away my potential. Today,I am in a remodelling phase of my life. I ‘ve retrieved what I threw into that basket many years ago. Now I’m celebrating because I can paint,and I’ve discovered I paint well.” Suzie concluded.

It’s never too late to rekindle the flame of your personality,or to pursue a dream that you may have long ago discarded. Grandma Moses didn’t start painting until she was well into her senior years, and she became world famous.

What have you thrown away? Was it a unique talent? An ambition? Maybe it was an emotional need to feel loved,accepted or included. The thing you discarded-or buried deep inside- It’s still part of the real you.

Here’s another thing; As children,we are told in many ways that it isn’t okay to be ourselves. “Don’t be selfish.” “Don’t cry.” “Don’t be scared.” Infact, at that moment, we are intensely experiencing those feelings,but our reality is being denied.

Children observe the world from a unique perspective. If a situation appears threatening they learn to cope,adapt,or avoid. What seem traumatic may not even be noticed by a busy parent. Left to their own coping mechanisms,children use their imagination to handle traumatic situations. They can even develop new personalities. On the way to adulthood,young girls and boys often create a closet- full of personas to cover up the real person underneath. Those personas are called masks. Your mask may deceive the outside world but not your heart.

Be careful who you pretend to be. You might forget who you are.

Kushand Wizdom
Click to listen to inspiring talk on life and relationships

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Laying Hold Of Your Reality

Any belief you have about yourself is the result of a combination of several things. It is something you have told yourself over and over again or others have told you over and over again until you believe it to be true.

The driving force behind our beliefs,perhaps the strongest determinant, are the references we have created to support a given belief.

If a person has gone on a diet and not lost more than a few pounds,very often,they will create a belief of “not being able to lose weight.” Their failed attempt becomes the reference that supports their belief. They say things like, “See,I tried but I just can’t do it.”

Now,one of the ways to begin to shift your limiting beliefs is to question the references that are supporting them and replace them with new ones which will empower you to create what you want. References are like the legs on a stool,they support the belief. If you begin to breakdown the references,you weaken the belief the same way that you would weaken the stool if you began to break the legs.

For the person who created a belief of “Not being able to lose weight” was pure illusion.

The truth is,she was not committed enough to keep going. She could have created a belief that said, “I will still keep at it till I get my perfect shape.” That is how one can begin to live on the positive side of life.

The only difference between where you are right now and having what you want is the belief. For example, I believe I drive a Venza Sports Edition. I believe it because it is in my car lot. This was not always the case. There was a time when I was without a car and walked or took the transit buses everywhere. There was a time after that when I drove an old car that would break down on a regular basis. What it took for me to attract the Venza car into my life was to begin to believe I could have it and to do the work that would make it possible for me to afford it.

A more effective method of achieveing what you want and creating a new reality is to gradually move towards it by shifting your beliefs a little at a time. For example, a new belief you could use to move from a state of “I have no money,” might be “I have just begun a part-time business that will increase my income.”

While this is not the desired outcome of “I have lots of money,” It is further along the original, low energy belief. It will begin to move you in the direction of your dreams. As your “current reality” begin to shift,you can create another bridge belief that is even closer to your desired outcome until, one day,your desire and your reality are the same and you have whatever it is that you want.

Getting rid of an illusion makes us wiser than getting hold of a truth.

Ludwig Borne
Click to listen to my podcast on life and relationships.
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To Forgive and To Forget.

Forget what hurts you in the past,but never forget what it taught you. However,if it taught you to hold on to grudges,seek revenge,not to forgive,or show compassion. To categorize people as bad,to distrust and be guarded with your feelings,then you didn’t learn a thing. God doesn’t bring you lessons to close your heart. He brings you lessons to open it by developing compassion,learning to listen,seeking to understand rather than of speculating. Practicing emphathy and developing conflict resolution through communication. If he brought you perfect people,how would you ever learn to spiritually evolve.”

Shannon L. Alder

Being unable to forgive the wrongs done to you may keep from your consciousness the good qualities of your partner. As long as you keep channelling your energy or ruminating on the offence,you may become blinded to the good side of the offender.

Each one of us has got the good,bad,and the ugly side. But because of the need for approval,some of us prefer to put on the good side before the people in our life forgetting that, the other person also isn’t as perfect as you think.

Offence will always be there,but how do you react to them? It is absolutely natural to be angry,but the same anger turns into sin if you do not deal with it immediately. When you let go and forgive,you are unburdening unnecessary weight that can sabotage your peace of mind. You are free and can walk through life with ease.

I know sometimes,it can be difficult to say those words, ‘I’m sorry’ . To some,it’s easy to say ‘I’m sorry’ but those words are often muttered with clenched teeth and with eyes that communicates another message.

The truth is,forgiveness is not a word which is merely announced. It is a gift which has to be given. You should forgive even if the other party hasn’t said ‘I’m sorry.’

Anyone going into marriage must understand that there is nothing harder than trying to forgive,especially when you have been desperately wounded. It’s even worse when the offender shows no remorse,but displays a non chalant,uncaring attitude,sometimes even innocently,as could happen in marriage. If you have never been the forgiving type,you will definitely find it herculean to practice forgiveness in your marriage. You must realize,however,that forgiveness is the lifeline of any relationship because it is the first commandment of love.

Moving forward,forgiveness is not just a change in our behavior,a reluctant handshake and a forced smile. It is an active process which goes on inside the mind of someone who has been hurt. It is a change in our feelings and attitude. By forgiving,the offended person knocks down the barrier between him/her and the offender so that they are both free to be friends again.

Forgiving does not always mean forgetting. Though we forgive somebody,the memory might stay with us for a long time. We can carry it in our bodies as a physical sign. But forgiveness changes how we remember. It converts the curse into a blessing. When we forgive our parents for their divorce,our children for their lack of love towards us,our friends for their unfaithfulness in times of need,or our counsellors for their wrong advice,we no longer have to suffer as victims of events over which we have no control. Forgiveness allow us to take back our power and not let events destroy us. It actually allow those experiences to deepen our wisdom and sharpen our discernment. So,remember,forgiveness heals memories.

Bob & Debby Gass
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The Perfectionist And The Expectation Game.

Talk about freaking perfectionists,I’m not an exception.

(Never mind,I’m gradually recovering from it)

Perfectionist are fond of raising expectations. Here we go. Lool.

If you truly want to have a healthy relationship,then quit the high-expectation game and take people for who they are. It’s that simple.

God will always place the people we need in our lives and not those we think we want.

If you often raise expectations on how you want people to treat you,then be ready for a big disappointment. I mean,take the shift off people for once.

There are ways two ways to be happy. Improve your life or lower your expectations.

Omobola Stephen

Now,I’m not saying that having expectations is unhealthy. However,controlling each outcome and having everything your way isn’t good.

Unmet expectations keep perfectionists frustrated and miserable.

One way to check your expectations is by uncovering the should on yourself like,

  • I should always be prepared.
  • I should never look unkempt.
  • I should always be clean.

And to others like,

  • You should do as I say.
  • You should take the kids out for leisure.
  • You should always bring home some goodies.

Often what we demand of ourselves,we also demand of others and this is not healthy anyway.

Perfectionists are into making rules. They have rules for everything. Oh yes we do! Lool.

Rules for arranging the closet. Cleaning the home. Taking care of the car. I mean rules.

How I wish you can see the condition of my room right now. It’s in an awful state. But I don’t care any more. Since the day I realised that being a perfectionism is a sucker punch,I decided it was time to let things fly.

Now,when I’m ready,I can tidy my room.

To relationships,if there too many rules,it can suffocate people.

Ask yourself, “What is more important to me,relationships or my rules?”

Today,I’m encouraging you to challenge your expectations. Ask yourself:

  • What is my expectations.
  • What’s my reward for having this expectations?
  • What’s my reward for not having this expectations?
  • What will happen if I let go?

Which would you prefer: raising expectations or building healthy relationships?

When you stop expecting people to be perfect,you can like them for who they are.

Omobola Stephen

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Dealing With Worry

Now,when it comes to worry,I know I’ve I had my own share.Lool.

I don’t know why I got so stucked in the rut that I never seem to care about it’s negative effect. I just worry about everything and the people I care alot about. I realised at the end of the day that I feel so tired and out of touch. It’s actually an energy waster.

Worry is so much part of our thinking process.

Here’s why we should not allow it to permeate our life.

Like guilt,worry promote doom and gloom thinking. When we worry,we promote ourselves with disturbing thoughts and images of what we don’t want to happen. It can immobilize us so badly that we are unable to take concrete actions. Worry is the misuse of of our imagination. It is projecting something negative into future that hasn’t happened yet,and almost 95% of the time,what we worry about never happens. Interesting!

Roy T. Benneth,In his book,The Light in the heart said, “Instead of worrying about what you cannot control,shift your energy to what you can create.”

So why do we worry about things if it’s such a waste of time and energy? Taking on this energy vampire is like going into a battle. You need to be fore-armed to be successful.

Now,when you realize that worry is about to take over your emotions,pause and take a deep breath. Allow your body to relax.

Reframe your mind. Ask yourself, “What can I do?” If my sister isn’t home yet at such an odd time of the day,I can call her on phone.

Also,if you find your mind futurizing or fretting,find yourself some work to do. If you are at home,you can decide to clean up or rearrange the pantry, or get a book to read. Perhaps,declutter the room.lool.

You can as well go on a visit to the mall next to you or call a friend. All these will help to occupy your mind.

For me,each time worry wants to set in,I pick up a book from the library in my study room while I read till I sleep off. Sometimes,I listen to soft music and it has helped me a great deal.

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Improving on your belief system.

Negative beliefs can be held in your energy fields for many lifetimes and can really impact on your present life experiences. If you keep on accessing them,definitely they are going to stop you from creating and living the life you desire for yourself. Even though these beliefs can be cleared energetically, you may still need to consciously work towards restraining your mind to think differently. If you are a person who has a strong mental body.

We are put in this planet only once and to limit ourselves to the familiar is a crime against our minds.

Roger Ebert

Whether you are working with negative beliefs from a past life time(often held at the subconscious level) or negative beliefs from this lifetime(often taken from other people), they will ultimately create your reality because your beliefs are always self-affirming. Though,not all beliefs are negative,but if they are hindering you from creating something new or different in your life,then you certainly know this belief is not serving you in a postive way. You may need to establish a state of consciousness where you begin to break this limiting beliefs in the following ways:

Set a strong Intention

When you create a new intention,you state to yourself and to the universe that you are going to do something new and different. Start by focusing your mind on anything entirely new in your life. Forget the old or the things that did not work. It is time to reinvent the wheel and see possibilities around you.

By setting strong intention,I meant that you must do the following:

Believe You Matter

You are important. There is value to your life. You are a person of self-worth. This makes a tremendous difference to the world that you exist. There are things you were meant to do and become in this side of eternity and it matters you do and become them.

You matter because you are not an accident,you belong to a human family and most especially God family.

Those people who have limited themselves by the belief that their upbringing have a lot to do with whi they are right now may not have a self-worth or value and will not likely treat themselves very respectfully or demand it from others.

Believe That Life Matters

Not only do you matter,but life itself matters. How you use it therefore matters. What you do to squander the moments or use or use them to their fullest matters. You are given only one mortal life to discover and fulfil your purpose,to develop our talents,abilities, and characters,to love,and to lead and become the best you can.

Life is creative,dynamic,wonderful,and sometimes bewildering. You must understand life inorder to enjoy it. The people who believe this truth are those who treat life with respect and fill it with action.

Ditch The Past Misgivings

The truth is,if you continue to dwell on the misgivings of yesterday,you will be held bound by it and you not move forward by doing so.To break the cycle of the limiting beliefs,you need to accept today and all that it has to offer. When you fail to give up on what yesterday did to you,life will continue to be unfair and that us really a false belief.

Accept The Totality of Who You are.

Understand this truth. You are unique and original. You must quit trying to wear mask everywhere you appear. Start by looking inwards and believing in yourself. If you do not,no one will.

Take stock of all that has happened from past to present and sum them in a simple sentence-This is my unique identity. Let this form the basis of how you see yourself now-a strong,better,and positive man or woman. This new belief will ultimately transform your perception about yourself and the people in your life.

Believe you can become virtually anything you desire to be. Believe in the amazing exceptionalism of the human will,believe in the resiliency of the human spirit. No matter how far away you are today from where desire to be. Believe you can develop those attributes,attitudes, and skills necessary to rise to the level of your willingness to grow and succeed.

Dig down deep in search of the hidden potential and polish it up to a golden shine. It is there,perhaps buried under the mud and debris of childhood trauma. But believe it can be found. Go ahead and do so.

Life has no limitations except the ones you make.

Les Brown

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5 Valuable Lessons I learnt In 2019.

And so I was discussing with my God mother few days ago. And she said, “Omobola,what’s been happening to you? You aren’t the outgoing person you once were. You seem rather distant to your relationships.”

My response to her are summed up in what I will be listing below. They are the valuable lessons I have learnt in the year 2019. They are lessons that have helped me to curtail my once excessive mannerisms obvious in my life and in my relationships.

Here they are:

Channel my energy rightly

This is a major and critical lesson I learnt.

Usually,the biggest concerns we have are about the things which have happened in the past or what may potentially happen in the future.  However,when it comes to the past,if you do not let things go and tell yourself that it should remain there and not affect your life in this moment,then you are not leaving room to enjoy the moments that present themselves in your present.

I missed this valid point. Instead of channeling my energy on what is happening right now and benefit from the bounties,I chose to focus it extensively on the past. It was a total mess and I paid dearly for it.

Everything is energy and all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help to get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is Physics

Bashar

Where your heart is,your energy flows. Sometimes,your mind may be in the wrong relationship or wrong thing at the moment,but because your energy is directed to that thing,you will definitely see results. That’s how strong and powerful energy is.

The lesson is-Be careful where you channel or focus your energy on.

Focus On what I do Best

I was all out trying to lay my hands on the opportunities within my reach. Mind you they were related to my area of specialization and core competencies. However,they were not what I ought to be doing at the present moment. So,these opportunities sapped my energy, and it yielded no positive results as I had expected.

Effectiveness begins with elimination. Choose your ignorances as carefully as your interests.

The Stoic Emperor

Really,not all opportunities are to be maximized even though they are in tandem with your goals/values. There is usually that one or two unique opportunity which is meant to bring you the inner peace and true sense of fulfillment. This is the part I missed.

Now,I know better- Focus on what I do best so that I can experience real and true satisfaction. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing lately. Honing and investing in them like silly by not giving up on personal development.

Be In Charge Of My emotions.

Sometimes,we never truly know who we are till the people in our lives tell or remind us of it.

We all have emotions undoubtedly but for me,I am overly emotional. I hear my friends tell me, “Omobola,you need to slow down.” And that gets to me.

Is it because I’m a perfectionist to the core? Of course it is.Never mind,I’m a recovering perfectionist and this gave rise to how emotional I can be. Lool.

I’m an emotional basket case and I had no control over it. I realised that I was gradually losing treasured relationships due to this negligence. Now,I know better. Each day,I wake-up with positive affirmations about my emotions and it has really helped till date.

Quit the Approval-seeker Mentality.

Approval-seeking is a negative emotion. Those who seek approval never truly understand and accept themselves  both weaknesses and strengths. If you have a healthy self-value/self-worth,there won’t be need to be seeking for approval from anyone. So,it stems from our upbringing. However,it can be altered deliberately if we really want a change and improvement in our life and relationships. And this was devoid in my life for years. I lacked self-esteem,security and self-worth. The result- People took me for granted and getting away with it.

Though it’s a gradual process .With positive affirmations and positive,confident and secured people in my life,I can truly say tha this energy vampire is gradually evading my space.

Prove yourself to yourself and not to others.

Omobola Stephen

Pleasing people.

This is another energy vampire.

I just believed that low self-worth and self-esteem will definitely lead someone to think of pleasing people at all times.

Sometimes,it should be a ‘Me’ time. This is not selfish at all. You can never please or satisfy people anyway because it can never be enough. You keep giving and giving until you are drained.

This was exactly my situation. I was always filling the gaps. The outcome- More of them and less of me and this made me overly resentful towards these people and also hated myself in return.

So,instead of going through this emotional bout,I have decided to focus on myself,and give others a breathing space and it has truly helped. It’s a win-win scenario.

The more you try to please people, the more they get control of you and you’ll end up hurting yourself

Chanda Kaushik

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How About Changing Your Life

If you really want to change your life,you have to change your life. What this means is that if you want to make changes and experience your life at a different level,you must be willing to change.

Once you begin to change your beliefs about what is possible for your life,you must be willing to do whatever it takes.

This usually requires you to change some of your habits and activities.

When my life was hitting the lowest point,it became clear to me that I would have to make significant changes if I was to have the kind of life I wanted.

It was clear to me that I was going the downward slope and if I did not change,I would probably die(due to frustrations) or worse- continue to live in the hell that my life had become. I was in so much spiritual,mental,physical,and emotional pain that I would have done anything to change my life.

I changed my habits, I changed where I lived. I became the go solo girl. I reconnected with my spiritual side and all that goes with it.

Once,I wanted to publish my book on print, I procrastinated and would sit on the computer trying to see if I could get anything done myself but I realised I had been wasting a lot of time that I needed to get up and go out in search of a good publisher who would do justice to what I desired. I made that move and it yielded a positive result for me.

Really,I needed to change for me to see the change I wanted.

Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself .

Leo Tolstoy

I realise with the passage of time that nothing changes if you don’t really make that change.

One definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. If you want to weigh less,and be healthier,it is necessary to embark on a regular exercise program and make healthier food choices. Always begin by having a physical check-up and consultation with a health practitioner to help you establish a program. If what you want is financial independence and security, you will need to change your relationship with money.You may need to learn more about finances and investments,change your spending habits,or some combination of both. You may want to begin your own part or full-time business.

Taking a new step,uttering a new word is what people fear most.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky,Crime and Punishment

The person who wants a better relationship with their spouse or children might need to change the way they relate and communicate with them. The parents who wants a better relationship with their child,but is busy working may want to reevaluate their priorities and make some changes in their schedule to allow more time for their children.

This is one of the main reasons so many people are starting their own businesses and working from home.

What changes will you make?Do you spend your spare time surfing the internet or watching television when what you really want is financial freedom? Doing that will not get you there. Perhaps trading a night of television to take a class in a new skill or subject will move you closer to your dream life.

What immediate changes do you need to make today? Start by listing them out and let the change begin.

Spiritual.

Self development.

Health and fitness.

Family,friends,and social relationships.

Social and material.

Money and Investments.

Career and business.

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A Little Act Of Kindness Will Do

Here’s a very inspiring story shared by a friend of mine:

A young lady with her friend were on a visit to the mall for some shopping.While they were at it,she excused herself to check on someone at the car park. On approaching the exit door,she was greeted by a little poor fulani girl dressed in a flowery gown and in her teens. They are mostly seen around carparks,malls or event centers begging for alms. At first,she was puzzled,she then turned to her and asked, “What can I do for you?”

“Aunty,please I am hungry,haven’t taken anything since morning.Can you buy lunch for me?”

The lady smiled and replied, “Oh!sorry about that,I haven’t taken anything either.” The little girl was dazed and she dipped her hand into her pocket and handed over the few change she had to the lady. Astonished,the lady told her the money couldnt be enough to purchase anything. The young girl felt awful and told her she would go around to beg for alms. And she did. She came back with extra token and handed it over to the lady. “I am sure this would be enough for lunch aunty?” She said.

“But why did you have to go the extramile for me to beg?” She asked the young girl. “But aunty,I am a beggar and I know how to do that whenever I am hungry or in dire need of help but you are not a beggar.” She responded.

On hearing this,the lady broke down in uncontrollable tears and handed the token back to her,took her to one of the restaurant in the mall and they had great time at lunch.They later took pictures and the lady shared the beautiful story on her social media page.

What a touching story on Kindness.

The truth is,kind people are rare to find but really kindness often requires courage and strenght. Research has shown that devoting resources to others rather than having more and more for yourself brings about lasting well-being.

It is not enough to say you are a Christian,you have to show it by example. Even though the little poor girl wasn’t a Christian,yet she exhibited a christlike way of living. Nearly 37%percent of the people in the world are in extreme poverty. These set of people are not far from us,they are our neighbours,a brother or sister walking down the road,or a helpless immediate or extended family. You don’t have to be familiar with anyone of them before you reach out. Kindness doesn’t hinges on conditions or barriers,it overcomes any situation.

The basis of kindness is Love. Do you really have love flowing from the pore of your body? Remember,it will always be a struggle to be kind to others when you haven’t experience one. However,since you are a child of God,love and kindness should flow naturally from you to anyone.Just like the poor girl,her kindness was extremely deliberate, natural and pure.

Showing kindness comes with a sense of fulfilment and inner peace.

As Harold Kushner once said, “Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return but because of who you are.”

Never look down on anybody unless you are helping them up.

Jesse Jackson
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The Miracle Of Drinking Water

As outrageous as it seems, drinking water may be the single most important catalyst in shedding weight, and increasing energy and preventing certain diseases.If we think of this logically,it makes sense because more than 70percent of our body is comprised of water.

Depending on the study,it is believed that more than 70 percent of our population is chronically dehydrated. We have seemed to replace Mother Nature’s beverage with soda,coffee,milk,juice,and beer. Once again,we have become victims of the food industry marketing giants,convincing us to drink anything but water.

Get this- each time you drink a liquid other than water,your body reacts quickly to dilute it with your internal water stores. This causes a shortage,unless you  have consumed large amounts of water that day. So each time you drink a beverage other than water,drink another glass or two of water to counteract it. This solution can help the millions of people who are chronically dehydrated. How very natural and simple. Water can play a life-changing role in your quest for great health. Strangely,you will notice as you begin drinking more water that you become thirstier than before. Why this? On the surface,it doesn’t make sense. But here are the facts:

  • Water suppresses the apetite naturally and helps your body metabolise stored fat.
  • A decrease in water will cause fat deposits to increase,while an increase in water can reduce fat deposits. This alone should catch your attention if you want to shed weight.
  • Your kidneys can’t function properly without enough water. The liver has to help the kidneys,so it works harder. But one of the liver’s primary funftions is to metabolize stored fat so it cannot handle this excess work.
  • Drinking more water prevents fluid retention.
  • Water rids the body of waste and toxins-especially important if you are shedding weight or changing lifestyle.
  • Water can help relieve constipation but since we are now eating enough fibre we are okay,right?
  • Water is mother nature’s greatest beauty clinic.
  • Drinking more water reduces overnight hunger pangs.
  • Drinking more water can prevent fatigue,headaches, sinus problems,allergies,breathing difficulties,joint discomforts,neck,and back pain,sleep disorders,impotence,depression,and brain dysfunction. Wow!
  • Water helps maintain proper muscle tone by helping musclesin their natural ability to contract.
  • Natural thirst returns. This is why you are thirstier even though you are drinking more water. Your body is loving it and telling you it wants more.
  • Drinking at least eight glasses of water a day makes your rate of metabolism works faster and you know what that means- No chance for fat deposits and toxins.

Don’t worry if it takes time to get used to doing this.

Thousands have lived without love,no one without water.

W.H Auden

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Press The Reset Button-Begin Life Afresh

Mulling over the past and its misgivings does not lead anywhere but towards a downward slope. Recently,I realised that that there is always a part for us to play when it comes to our life’s fulfilment. When destiny comes calling,it is not the time to begin asking for help,rather it’s time to take action.Take charge of your future,do not allow the past to determine what you can become.

Some few days ago,as I sat on the sofa in the visitors lounge,I was taken aback to my early childhood years. Life indeed brewed its bitter galls on me and I must say,those were most painful and disturbing times. With tears locked up in my eye socket,I made sure it forced it way out as I remembered a period in my life when my parents were separated and mother became helpless.I had no where to rest my head for some time except at a friend’s place. But today,everything has made sense to me. Fate was at work back then and destiny,on it’s own part cannot be changed. Though,I had few important people in my life to blame for everything but I realised that it never added any value but rather made me more resentful,vindictive and bitter. The reality is, I am here and that’s what really count in eternity. The lonesome journey nevertheless,cannot hold back what destiny has in stock for me. It was all part of the process.

It’s time for you to step out from the self- pity,and victim state you have locked yourself in and open up yourself to this noble truth. Truly, everything start and end with your belief system and there are ways you can reset your mind so that you can begin enjoying a worthwhile life. If you are still thinking that your upbringing had a lot to do with your present circumstances, know that is the best route you must take for you to get to where your destiny fulfilment lies. So no matter how ugly/painful or beautiful those memories are,it can never rob you of what destiny holds for you. Now it’s time to ditch the guilt which is the number one enerygy vampire. Though some guilts serve a purpose,like being a way of policing our behavior. Keeping us from doing socially or morally inappropriate things but it shouldn’t tie you down permanently. The next time you feel guilty about yourself. Ask the question,”Is the guilt serving you? Is it spurring you on to do better?” And when you find yourself overburdened with how you think things should have been done,there’s likelihood that your brain will begin to spin. You can learn to redirect your thoughts,to stop thinking about what you should do and tell yourself This is where I am,This is what I am doing right now, I am doing the best I can. And leave it at that.

You have power over your mind not outside events. Realise this and you will find strength.

Marcus Aurelius
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CardioVascular Training

Cardiovascular activity is the key to building a strong heart and healthy lungs. Typically this activity is aerobic(aerobic means “with oxygen”) Aerobic activity includes a jog without stopping,a power walk,a high- impact aerobic class and swimming laps without stopping. Cardiovascular activity can also be a mix of aerobic and anaerobic(circuit training with weights and stationery bikes,basketbalk,tennis,volleyball or any stop-and-go activity) To achieve effective metabolic rate,it is best to do at least twenty five minutes of cardio before breakfast,or as early in the day as possible. I know this early morning routine isn’t possible for everyone. Just get your body moving. Find an aerobic activity you can do at least three days a week. Remember, the 1 percent rule- If you are not doing any activity now,start by taking a walk twice this week. As a bonus,become aware of any situation that will keep you active. If there are stairs at work,take them. Walk to the store instead of driving. Ride a bicycle. Find as many ways to move your joints as possible. When it comes to recreation,do what you enjoy,whether it is a racket sport,hiking,throwing a frisbee,swimming,playing golf,or skiing. It’s all good.

The best exercise in the world is the one you will do.

Covert Bailey

If you want to shed weight,do a cardio that provides an adequate amount of aerobic intensity (a powerwalk,jogging,a stationery bike or bike riding along a path, a swim or a step class) . Spend at least twenty five minutes at moderate intensity. Moderate is when you can speak fairly easily without losing your breath. This is best for weight management. If you are focusing on maintenance,fitness, or endurance,do a cardiovascular activity that provides you with a more intense amount of aerobics. You will be breathing heavier. During a twenty-five minute workout,you will want to stay in the high-intensity range most of the time. Try a workout today,you will be glad you did.

Work hard,eat well,be patient.Your body will reward you.

Omobola Stephen
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