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Believing The Lie

So the other day,I with my Godmother got talking about life especially as it concerns relationships and marriages. This was for me an eye-opener as she went on,”Deception is satan’ s greatest weapon in achieving his destructive purpose for marriage. If he can get husbands and wives to believe and act on his lies,he will succeed in putting them in bondage,stealing their joy,and destroying their relationship.Satan twist the truth about marriage by suggesting to women that the purpose of marriage is personal fulfilment and happiness and that they can’t be truly happy without a husband to love them and meet their needs. Once they have a husband,many women start to believe a variation of this lie – My husband is supposed to make me happy. Only after years of heartache did I recognise this folly of this way of thinking. I have tried my best in making my husband accept the fact that he needs to make me happy but it has never paid off anyway.

The truth is that the ultimate purpose of marriage is not to make us happy but to fulfil God’s purpose. Women who get married for the purpose of finding hapiness often set themselves up for disappointment. They seldom find what they are looking for.

Women who believe they need a man in order to be happy often settle for less than the best that God intended for them.Contentment is not found in having everything you need but in choosing to be satisfied with what God has already provided.”

Waoh! The learning still continues….

Hope this blesses blesses your soul?

I sign for FAME

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Being Happy Inspite.

Maintaining happiness is essentially a state of your mind. Why do we wait for tragedy,such as the loss of a loved one or serious illness to occur before we realize that happiness is about living now,appreciating every moment,every hour and everyday? It seems to be part of the human condition.

Often we are blind to the joy and happiness around us because we have not been taught or conditioned to see it. We rush through our busy days,yet all around us miracles are unfolding. To recognize and appreciate all of the blessings in our lives,we need to develop eyes which can see them. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude will have the greatest impact on your happiness.

I live in the space of thankfulness and I have been rewarded a million times over for it. I started out giving thanks for small things and the more thankful I became,the more my bounty increased. That’s because when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities,relationships,even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.

Oprah Winfrey

We can all learn to refocus on what is good about our lives. It takes effort to do this every day, especially when you experience a setback.

A friend of mine had just completed writing her new book. While on a business trip,her laptop was stolen from the hotel room. Her manuscript was stored in the computer and he lost everything. Imagine the pain and frustration he must have felt . She decided to rewrite the book and set an almost impossible timeframe to complete it. Happily she made her deadline and now says she was grateful for the loss because the second edition turned out better than the first.

Being happy never go out of style.

Lily Pulitzer

Thank you for stopping by to read. Hope this piece blesses your soul?

I sign for FAME and not for shame.

Omobola Stephen

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The Essence of Relationships

If you are looking forward to having a relationship which brings fulfillment, you will need to change your mindset when it comes to dealing with others. Here are some ways you can do that:

  • Learn to understand people

Many people care about others,but they still remain out of touch. In those cases,I think the problem is that they don’t understand people.

If you desire to improve your understanding of people so that you can build positive relationships, then remember that,

People are selfish… However, speak to their needs first.

People need to be understood…listen to them.

People are insecure…give them confidence.

People get emotionally low…encourage them.

People want to feel special…Sincerely complement them.

  • Place High Value on people

If you don’t care about people,you are unlikely to make building good relationships a priority in your life.

You can’t make the other fellow feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that he is a nobody.

Les Giblin.

The solution is to place a high value on people. Expect the best from everyone. Assume people’s motives are good unless they prove them to be otherwise. Value them by their best moment.And give them your friendship rather than asking for theirs.

  • Add value to others.

Some people approach every interaction with others as a transaction. They are willing to add value,but only if they expect to receive value in return. If you want to make relationships a priority, you must check your motives to be sure you are not trying to manipulate others.

  • Put Others first

The best way to start off on the right foot is to put others first. The most basic way to do that is to practice the Golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do to you. If you take this mindset into all your interactions with others,you can’t go wrong.

  • Give time to your most valuable relationships

Most people give their relationship on a first-come first- served basis. Who ever gets their attention first gobbles up their time and relational energy.

Since its obvious that your family provides the most valuable relationships in your life,they should come first as you plan to spend your time. After that,should come your next most important relationships. It’s a matter of practising good priorities.

Thank you for stopping by to read. Hope this blesses your soul.

With all my love….

I sign for FAME and not for SHAME.

Omobola Stephen

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Feel Stuck In A Familiar Pattern

Are you stuck in repeating patterns? It is impossible to change your life if you keep on doing the same old things over and over again. Some people just keep recycling the same old rubbish.

  • Julie keeps dating the wrong type of men.
  • Tony runs from one financial mess to another.
  • Babara gets fired from her job about every six months.

Imagine if you always went to the store on Thursday nights for groceries. Then the store decided to change it’s hours,closing early on Thursday,but you still keep showing up every Thursday night for your groceries. That’s ridiculous,you say. Of course it is. But do you get the point?

For things to change,you have got to change otherwise nothing much will change.

Jim Rohn

If you keep repeating same old patterns,the common denominator is obvious. It’s You. You are it! Instead of wasting enormous amount of energy trying to change everyone and everything,start with changing yourself. Next time you feel stuck in a familiar pattern,ask yourself: How have I set this up for my self so I’m experiencing this again?

Change is difficult but you have got to make that move anyway if you want to have a headway in life.One major factor that triggers change in people is Desperation.

The Day of Desperation

Some wake-up calls such as a diagnosis from your doctor hit you hard. These wake-up calls are automatic precursors to change. There are also times when your desperation peaks;when you finally have had enough:

  • I’m sick of being tired and resentful.
  • I’m fed up with my mediocre life.
  • I’m done with this abusive behavior.

When this happens,something has to change for you- now,today! This is your Day of Desperation. The day that can turn everything around. This is the day you take the pain of your discomfort,the frustration of your disgust,and the fuel of your anger and use them as impetus for change. You arm yourself with an attitude of rigid determination. “No matter what it takes,no matter how difficult it is going to be,I will not accept another day of this. Nothing will stop me.”

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blosom.

Anais Nin

What a wonderful day! This Day of Desperation allows you to mentally reframe your discomfort,pain or helplessness to one of new possibilities,freedom,and empowerment. So the next time you feel strongly that something is totally unacceptable,be conscious that this could be your big day,an opportunity to break free of the shackles that are holding you back.

The real win can only come when you regain your control. Little bit little,you will see yourself become the person you used to be.

Life does not present problems,only challenges,and this is the rule I live by. Sometimes, I anticipate challenges because it affords me the opportunity for growth and new experiences.

For anyone who doubts their own ability,remember this: Before lawyers became lawyers,or doctors became doctors,they were students in the same education system that most of us belonged to. If they can be successful,so can we.Desperation can become the springboard for inspiration. Knowing this creates confidence. If you are currently battling discouragement and uncertainty,the first step is making the decision to change-then you take action. No more procrastination,justifying,rationalizing,or worrying about consequences. Desperation is your friend. Embrace it. Be thankful for it,and use it as a catapult to bring you out of your present dilemma so you can be free to create the life you really want and deserve.

Thank you for stopping by to read. Hope this blesses your soul.

I sign for FAME and not for shame.

Omobola Stephen

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Knowing What Truly Matters

Whether you try hard to fit in or you try too hard to stand out,it is of equal consequence: You exhaust your significance.

Criss Jami,Healology

Which is more important to you, success or significance in what you do? To me,significance is more important . Success rewards my bank account,but having significant,meaningful work rewards my spirit. I know as I serve others,doing work I love,that success will follow. You have heard this phrase before, “Do what you love and the money will follow.” It’s true.

We have to be bigger than the things we suffer.

Shelly Crane

One of the secrets to living a fulfilled life is shifting your focus from acquiring material success to being of service to others. There are many opportunities to do this as a teacher,mother,doctor,enterpreneur,cafetaria worker,you name it. Martin Luther King Jr said, “Everybody can be great because anybody can serve.You don’t need a college degree to serve,you only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love.”

Enjoying a significant,successful life will have you bounding out of bed in the morning excited about going to work.This is work you love and are passionate about. It’s capacity is much greater than you are. As you step out in faith,you have the confidence of knowing it will never be more than you can handle.

Your Spirit already knows your Purpose and wants you to fulfil it

Have you ever considered what your purpose might be? It is your legacy,the calling of your life,and ultimately why you are here on earth. Take the blueprint of who you are,with your gifts,unique talents,and personality and align them with the passion of your spirit. This is the foundation for your purpose.

Don’t panic if you have not yet found the calling for your life. Perhaps you are not ready yet. Either the timing is not right or you have been distracted with other things. Rest assured that a plan is unfolding for your life- you just need to seek it and it will find you.

“How do I find my purpose?” is a question I am often asked. Here’s what worked for me. Do you know when the water on a lake is perfectly calm and you can see clearly to the bottom? You need to find that type of clarity within you. Find quietness for yourself. Commit some time for reflection and meditation. This is essential when you are seeking clarity in any area of your life and moreso,if you are seeking purpose. Finding your purpose is about seeking your spirit. Pray and ask for guidance.

Pay attention. Listen to your intuition and your faith. Watch for coincidences-those phone calls out of nowhere. Journal the answers to these questions. What am I most passionate about? How do I want to be remembered? What legacy do I want to leave behind? Consider writing your own eulogy to clarify your thinking even more. What do you want your family and friends say about you when you are gone? Sometimes through the dark nights of our soul,we start seeking and sometimes we are inspired at just the right time.

I encourage you to find your heart’s desire,find your calling in life. There is a well of passion deep inside you waiting for you to tap into it. Have faith that you already have what you need to move forward; your spirit will guide you when it is the right time.

Without God,life has no purpose and without purpose,life has no meaning,without meaning,life has no significance or hope.

Rick Warren,Purpose Driven life
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Value Each Day

If you want to maximize your talent and fulfil your life’s dream,you need to make every action count. You must determine where you want to go and how to get there.

People who are undecided about what they want to do or where they want to go cannot tap into their strenght of will or their talent. As a result,they will merely drift along.

Author, Bill Copeland advises, ” You have removed most of the roadblocks to success when you know the difference between motion and direction.”

Have you asked yourself what you really want to do? And have you determined that you will pursue it against the odds despite the obstacles, and regardless of the circumstances? Being intentional is about focusing on doing the right thing, moment by moment,day to day,and then following through with them in a consistent way.

As President John F. Kennedy asserted, “Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.”

Here are ways you can make each day count,

  • Do something important
  • Have control over your mental and emotional state(how you react to and interpret external events.)
  • Spend a lot of time doing things you love( a flow activity)
  • Have full control over where you are and where you actually are.

You must value today as much as tomorrow.

Now, have you ever catch yourself saying, “I will do it tomorrow,” or “It can wait another day.” When you hear these words come out of your mouth,stop! Instead say, “It would be easier or more convenient to do this tomorrow but it’s important to me,so I’m going to do it now.” Then do it. Take action.

Before you go to bed,ask yourself, “Did I make today count? If the answer is No,ask yourself again “What do I have to do differently tomorrow to make sure the day really count?”

Tomorrow is never guaranteed to each one of us so the way we make full use of today will determine the next phase of our lives.

So start now,let the goals be set,and be determined enough to follow through on each one of them. By doing this,you will actually see that you are becoming a better and more reliable person driven by result.

Make everyday count,and you will live a life that counts.

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Finding Time For You

When last did you give yourself a treat? Taking a day off for yourself. I mean, a ‘me’ time. This is what I call self-care.

Self-care is everything you do to nurture your mind and soul. Self-care is different for everyone. For me,it can be writing my long-term goals journal,listening to a favorite music on radio,or calling a loved one. Incorporating self-care habits gives you a new outlook about life and improves your body,mind,and soul. Choosing a day to give yourself a thorough self-care shouldn’t be a daunting task. I hear few of my friends say, “But you don’t understand, I have to check my mails,return calls,do school runs,go to the grocery store and so on.” But the truth is,any of us can take a day for ourselves without consequence. Believe it or not,the world will keep spinning. Calls will wait and so will emails. This is a day just for you. If you normally do the cooking,on your extraordinary self-care day,you will refrain from making meals. Trust me,your family will not starve. Obviously,if you have dependents,you would have to modify this. Perhaps you can have someone else feed them for this one day. Overall,try to do nothing that is related to your normal work.This is a pampering day just for you.

I tried this few weeks ago. I decided to give myself a body pampering. Before that day,I had modified the feeding pattern of the family especially my dependents. Everything went well and I felt so good with myself. Nothing happened afterall and I looked forward to more self-care day. I advice you do this for yourself preferably once or twice in a month. You can write down what you want to do on your wish list and set out a day to achieve it. Your self-care tips may include: – Meditate for ten minutes – Cook a healthy meal -Buy yourself an icecream while you binge-watching your favorite tv show. -See a therapist or a dentist – Attend workshops,seminars,or conferences that are in line with your purpose. – Put on your favorite lipstick – Create a vision board – Declutter your closet -Pay a visit to the homeless,motherless and make donations. – Visit the spa,or the salon – Do some shopping for yourself Whatever,it may be,ensure you take time and do this. You end up more productive,have more clarity and be better focus on the task on hand. Afterall,your hapiness should be a top priority for you than anything,so go ahead and spoil yourself.

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two breathes.

Entry Hillesum
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Born for Something

Each one of us is born with a unique talent and our function in life is to express it.You were born for something. What is it?
Are you born to rule? Born to create? Born to bring people together?Born to talk? Born to lead? Or perhaps born to write just like me?
Really,this is where your calling and true sense of fulfillment lies,nothing outside of it can be fulfilling.

Talent hits a target no one else can hit. 

Genius hits a target no one else can see.

Arthur Schopenhauer


If you are still struggling with what you have handy,perhaps,it may not be your calling. You need to have an introspection and remember what you are strongly talented in. This is a talent which comes so natural,easy,and you tend to flow seamlessly along with it. It’s something you are happy about and gives you inner peace; something which makes you fulfilled even if you weren’t paid for it. This is what you were born to accomplish in life. Your prosperity and lasting happiness lies therein.
And you know what,you only need to hone the talent and phew! You are a professional at it.
Begin afresh today… Stop the comparison and competition and don’t be fooled by what you see making the rounds on SM,find your calling and you wouldn’t need to be unhappy and resentful towards other people’s success story.
Be who you were meant to be.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’

Erma Bombeck

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Getting Out Of Your Head

Have you ever been trapped at a party enduring a lengthy,overly cerebral discussion full of obscure facts and figures? Incredibly boring. The talk amounts to analysis to the point of paralysis. And throughout the entire episode,not one flicker of emotion escapes from this bland conversationalist. If you have,you just had an encounter with The Intellectual.

While I think men wear the intellectual mask more than women,some women are also over-the-top intellectuals who use their academic prowess as a smokescreen. The woman who hides behind this masks prefer thinking to feeling. She’s rigid in her thinking,wrapped up in concepts and analysis. Because she lacks an emotional connection(here comes those feelings again),she has difficulty relating to others at work especially if she is in a supervisory role. As well,her emotional void often causes problems within her family,where she may be perceived as cold and detached. People who wear the Intellectual mask are not generally big on hugging! This woman likes to be super-objective,living a life that is structured by rules and regulations. She can rationalize any situation to make a point,and in the process ensures that associated feelings are kept hidden. Women who wear the Intellectual mask may have developed the belief that showing emotion is a sign of weakness and therefore should be kept under control. The Intellectual prefers the boardroom and the classroom to the social world of people and their problems.

To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.

Eleanor Roosevelt

What about you? Do you ever get feedback that you are “too much in your head,” or overly analytical?

There’s nothing wrong with thinking. Infact,we do it everyday. It is an essential component for designing the type of life that gives you the most joy. However thinking should not be at the expense of feeling.Any behavior that becomes too extreme is unhealthy. A big part of our lives involves interacting with people,and developing relationships with these people requires both a mental and emotional stimulus. The woman who wears the intellectual Mask may feel fragmented by a deeper need to connect with others emotionally and the discomfort it creates for her. If you are struggling with this,here are a couple of suggestions:

  • Identify your emotions in general conversations. Become familiar with the all-important feeling words. I feel happy,I’m bored. I’m feeling angry. Instead of saying , “The new promotion I received is recognition for my ability to conduct accurate research.” You can say, “I feel honoured by this promotion because it recognizes my ability to conduct accurate research.
  • During conversations, use your mental acuity to discern what the other person is feeling. Make it a game,if that stirs your intellectual juices. Provide accurate feedback that shows you really understand what the other person is saying. And yes,that means taking a genuine interest, even if it is a new sensation for you.

Here are two examples of good “feelings” feedback:

  • Sounds like you are pretty excited about buying this piece of property.
  • That must have been really scary.

You can practice these simple techniques and it will create a healthy alignment between your heart and your head and you will become a lot more real to the people who know you.

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Enjoying The Simple Pleasures Of Life

Why does hapiness seem so elusive? Because many of us are looking for it in the wrong places. Too often,we think the answer lies out there in the pursuit of material possesions. Like, If we buy a bigger home,somehow that will make our pain- filled marriage better or when we get a bonus at work, we ‘ll buy a new car-surely that will make us happier.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Mahatma Gandhi

It’s true that when we acquire something new,there’s an initial surge of pleasure. Our cravings and desires are satisfied for a short while. Then the happiness bubble bursts and we are enticed into seeking something more.

Even if we elevate our social status by accumulating more,the happiness usually doesn’t last. We quickly adapt to this new level. What was originally “more” becomes normal. We still want to increase our pleasure.

In reality,most, people compare themselves to others who have what looks like a more successful lifestyle,believing that if they had the same lifestyle they would be happier. I have felt that way before. I mean, it was very overwhelming.

I need you to know that money isn’t often the way we measure our success. Okay,we go ahead to say,” If only we had more money, life would be great. “If I could just win the lottery,all my worries would be over and I’d be happy.” Well, its natural to nurse those feelings.

Anyways,research proves this is not true. Infact,when these sets of people acquire the wealth, they realise that,it creates  more strife and misery and not the happiness they had anticipated. Divorce and loss of friends are commonplace after a lottery win you bet. The evidence, I mean, is indisputable. Money does not buy happiness,yet we have the illusion that it does.

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future,it is something you design for the present.

Jim Rohn

The truth is,receiving an unexpected windfall only makes you more of who you already are. If you are a shopaholic before you won the financial bonanza,you will probably just become an even bigger spender. The reason so many lottery winners are not able to gauge on to their winnings is that they haven’t yet become the type of person who can successfully manage large amounts of money. They blow it on extravagant living flashy cars,bad investments and divorce settlements. No wonder they end up unhappy.

Are you in the habit of putting your hapiness on hold for some future date? Remember the when-then game?

Something like,

  • When I retire,then I’ll settle down and be happy.
  • When I meet the right right man,then I ‘ll settle down and be happy.

What if our hapiness is not out there? Our thoughts,feelings,attitudes,and desires are continually changing. Nothing stays constant. Because of this,we will never find enduring happiness out there. Things that used to give us happiness lose their appeal .

People who brought us joy in relationships now disappoint us. The great job we thought would be so fulfillling now leaves us empty. Even the purchases that excited us initially grow old, worn,and are no longer good enough. It all seem so futile.

So where do we find happiness?

We find happiness in the simple pleasures of life; appreciating the beauty of nature enjoying the warmth of the sun on our body or walking on the beach with the water gently lapping at our feet. Maybe it’s winning at sports, the feeling of satisfaction for a job well done or simply holding the hand of someone you love. “It’s the little things that keep you bouncing along above your set point” says Dr.Lykken.

There are many ways to find happiness in everyday things.We only need to be more aware of them.Sometimes we think happiness means giggling and having fun. That’s good,but don’t we also feel happy when we do a great job at work? Just remembering a wonderful holiday or a favorite piece of music can make us smile and feel warm inside. Filling our day with what matters most to us,and living authentically are the recipes for happiness.

Are simple pleasures enough?Can we also sustain this feeling of happiness? Maybe we could if we stopped wrestling with how to change our outside circumstances in order to satisfy our inner cravings-When we slow down enough to find the serenity that comes from just being who we are,or relying on what we have.

I remember a holy moment I had few  years ago.I call it a holy moment because it wasn’t just a moment of happiness and joy,it was much more.It was the moment in time where my life felt great. For an instant it felt like the world has stopped and held it’s breath so I will take notice.It was a beautiful spring morning and I have just finished teaching in one of my relationship classes. I knew had done a great job. I went outside and stood in the warm sunshine and felt it,my holy moment.At that point I didn’t know why I felt so overwhelmed with joy but now I know- I had caught a glimpse of my purpose.

Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings; not counting the years.

Ausonious.

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On Resentment-Conecting The Dots

Resentment is an understatement of the pain and anger experienced whenever memories of infidelity,betrayal,or hurts caused by the people in our lives come to mind. Even after a reasonable time has passed for reconciliation, resentment often lingers. All might be forgiven,but forgetting may never happen.

Resentment as an energy vampire, is insidious and directly affects relationships.

You are you are feeling resentment when you harbor animosity against someone. Perhaps,you are holding a grudge,are really angry or feeling upset about a particular event. There is either a deliberate unwillingness to forgive the other person,or an inability to let go. Resentment often does more harm to the resenter than to the other person because it’s like a self-fed poison eating away at the resenter’s soul.

There are obvious situations that reveals why you develop resentment towards someone or people. Check to see below if any of these situations apply to you:

  • You agree to do something and end up feeling used or taken for granted.
  • You have unmet needs and feel ignored or rejected.
  • Others have let you down in some capacity.
  • You see others getting ahead who haven’t worked as hard as you.
  • You feel that you are the one who always makes sacrifices in a relationship.
  • You have experienced divorce,infidelity ,being mistreated or abused.

The Games People Play

Resentment comes in many forms. Everyday situations can cause us to withdraw, and everyone has patterns or games they play in relationships. When resentment occurs ,these games becomes evident. Can you spot yours?

  • I will refuse to play with you. I will withdraw and fume in silence ,but watch out for my revenge.
  • I will get back at you by keeping score. I will keep track so I can gain leverage.
  • If I can’t win,then nobody will win.I will become a problem and you will know about it.
  • I will never forgive or forget . I have a long memory and I will remind you of all your past mistakes. You will never be sorry enough to please me.
  • I will attack and react. I will be in your face and on your back;nobody messes with me.
  • I am right,period. I will get you to see my way,no matter how it affects you.

Now,it’s healthy to become angry and voice our feelings when we feel we have been wronged. However, It becomes a problem when we connect it to self-righteousness,adopting a superior position of ‘I’m right,you are wrong.’ Instead of controlling the other person and being assertive ,sometimes we prefer revenge. We feel that by getting back at him or her,it will cancel our pain.

For instance,a statement like this:

“Frank should be helping out more around the house,” complains Doris. “He knows how I feel about this. It shouldn’t be any suprise to him when I refuse to be intimate.”

Do you notice the shoulds? Doris may have a legitimate complaint. However,using her resentment to punish her husband will not create a win-win. It will probably make him resentful too. Instead of resolving the issue with honest communication and perhaps some compromise ,the relationship will become even more strained.

You need to take the HIGH ROAD. Let go of resentment.

  • For a specific issue,first put it in perspective by asking, “Is this worth getting steamed up about? Am I over-reacting? Is something else the root cause of my resentment?
  • Look for a rational solution to the issue. “Who do I need to talk to? What action must I take to have my needs met?”
  • For significant issues,especially situations where you have harbored your resentments for a long time,write a letter. Release your anger and express your feelings clearly. You can always choose not to mail the letter.
  • To release your anger,use the Total Truth Process which is a form of a letter written to the offender expressing your pains or hurts as much as you can in the letter. It’s as though you are mailing the letter. But you are not. (Just write all your pains,anger and everything that makes you bitter down. It helps to release all the burdens) Then you can choose a memorial: Burning it or throwing it away and watch the wind blow it away.
  • Note: It is often advisable to have professional help form an experienced counselor when doing this.
  • Be more aware of when you first start feeling resentful. Normally there is a buildup over time. The sooner you can identify this,the better. When you do,take action. Deal with the situation by speaking up,or doing what you need to do.
  • Work on your self-esteem,so you can be more accepting and loving of yourself and others.
  • Develop a good support network of friends who can give you honest feedback when you are holding on too long to negative feelings.
  • Believe in yourself. Develop your strenghts and be assertive. Do not allow others to belittle you.
  • May be this is the most important. Learn to let go and forgive. This is the higher road.
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To The Woman Out There-Playing The Standards And Expectations Game

Think about it. This is a touchy subject for some people especially perfectionists.

Now,I’m not suggesting you lower your standards,just re-frame them in the context of living as a woman in today’s real world. Let go of the attitude that, “I’m the only one who can do the right.”

What drives some women crazy is not the messy house,dirty car,job,or even a hectic schedule-Often,it’s their own impossible expectations. People create so many rules about the way things must be done at work and at home that not only are they unhappy,but everyone else around is,too. Be aware that Ms.Perfect is a pain to live with when she’s resentful, irritable, difficult to please and exhausted. Not a pretty picture,and certainly not one which portrays a happy balance. I mean,is it okay that the cookies for the meeting are store-bought instead of homemade? Is it okay the floor isn’t spotless seven days a week?

Perfectionist is not a quest for the best. It is the pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough that we should try harder.

Julia Cameron,20/21st Century writer.

In my opinion, today’s society places far too much emphasis on having the perfect house(I don’t call it a home) with nearly impossible standards of cleanliness.

Unless you have time to totally focus on cleaning ,lighten up! This is another super -high standard that will only add more unnecessary pressure, (leading to stress and ultimately diseases) especially if you are a mother with young children.

Managing stress is essential for maintaining balance and having a healthy body. To conserve emotional energy,we need to become clear about which situations we can,and cannot change.

Most working women struggle with something called spillover. This occurs when one area of our life affects another,and it creates stress. If our job involves inflexible hours,a high pressure environment or a lot of travel,the negative spillover can affect our family life.

For most women,spillover is a fact of life. No magic wand will erase it. The best we can do is to learn how to manage each situation,and put a lid on the stress. It helps to keep everything in perspective, and to trust intuition.

The question now is,are you compromising your balance,your relationships,and your own happiness by insisting on impossible-to-meet standards? Really, when all is said and done,you will discover it’s your relationships that matter most. Make sure you nourish those more than anything else. When kids look back on their lives,they rarely say they are glad the floors sparkled. Instead, they are happy because Mom let go,and allowed them to use the couch pillows to build forts on the floor.

Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to .

Mandy Hale.
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Getting Rid Of Illusions As A Perfectionist.

Perfectionism is rampant today. No wonder so many career-driven people are unhappy. On the outside they appear to have it all – success,great lifestyle,fabulous looks.However,on the inside it’s a different story. In many cases they feel desperate,frustrated and unhappy. Peace of mind and a sense of satisfaction elude them. Striving to be perfect all the time is exhausting. Babara Streisand,a well-known perfectionist, says, ” Demanding perfection is a cold way to live. Imperfection has humanity in it.” If you have fallen prey to this trap,cut yourself-and those you love-some slack. Being perfect is an illusion.

People don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Brenda was always impeccably dressed and groomed. Evey morning she walked into the office looking like a fashion model. Her workmates bristled with envy. How did she do it? She had three little ones at home all under the age of eight,and still managed to look great.

One Friday,at an important management meeting. Brenda was presenting at the front of the boardroom. When she turned around to demonstrate her Power Point Slide,everyone focused on the red velcro roller embedded in her hair. We all loved Brenda a little more that day!

Perfectionism dishonours us. The sad fact is that as a perfectionist,we may be controlling our feelings of inadequacy,but we ‘re no joy to be with. Think about someone you know like Brenda,who never has a hair out of place,does everything well and thinks she is always right. How do you feel being around this person? Exactly! It’s not a lot of fun.

A good question to ask a perfectionist is, “How is it working for you?” If perfectionist was classified as an emotional disorder. I believe more people would seek the help they need to free themselves from its destructive grasp.

Perfectionism is either directed at yourself,directed at others,or both. The former-inwardly focused perfectionism occurs when people are too hard on themselves,pushing relentlessly to achieve unrealistic goals. They don’t dare make mistakes. Failure is a reflection of their worth. They see failure as proof of incompetence.Letting go and being easier on themselves is difficult because they internalize failure.Self- oriented perfectionism is a form of self-rejection.

Perfectionism can also impose ultra-high standards on others. When this happens,relationships often suffer because it seems like other people are always letting them down. They become frustrated because other people fail to meet their demands. Wanting others to do their best is one thing but expecting perfection is setting them up to fail.

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding the truth.

Ludwig Borne
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Working On Your Self-Image

Self-Image is the package you have assigned yourself.It is built on your life experience-How you have interpreted what others said. How they treat you,what you told yourself.

Your self-image may or may not be accurate,yet it forms your personal beliefs. A belief is anything we hold to be true. Most of our beliefs are formed in childhood,when our life experiences and knowledge is limited. During that time we looked up to significant people-parents,teachers,and others in authority and mostly believed what they told us. Over the years,these beliefs formed our attitudes and created our life experiences. Some of our beliefs go deep,to our core,while others lie just below the surface. Some labels-you ‘re a loser! may be surface deep in one person and cut to the core in another. If the second person has low self-esteem,he could clearly interpret this statement as ,” I’m not worthy.”

A self-image of negative core beliefs can become increasingly negative as you grow older,unless you challenge and change them.

Care about what others think and you would always be their prisoner

Lao Tzu

As an adult,you have the beliefs about everything including your intelligence,competence,image and lovability. Unfortunately much of what you believe is false. To help you better understand, consider this analogy. Have you ever worn someone else’s prescription lenses? When you look through them ,everything is distorted,badly out of focus.The same is true when you adopt false beliefs. It’s like you are wearing someone else’s glasses-they distort the true image of you and your life.

Whose perceptions are you wearing?False beliefs limit you. They become the glasses through which you see your world.You don’t see things as they are,you see things as you are. The glasses acts as a filter screening out anything that does not match your beliefs.

We don’t see people as they are,we see them as we are.

Anaïs Nin

Cindy says, “I would like to meet someone nice,” but her belief says, “Men can’t be trusted.” When she goes out to the world,she attracts men who can’t be trusted. Her glasses let her see only what she believes. Oneday,if a great trustworthy guy shows up,she won’t even notice him. The glasses of her beleifs will only filter him out and Cindy will carry on looking for Mr Right in all wrong places. Beliefs create your experiences. They must be constantly examined and challenged.

Sometimes,if you experience a dysfunctional, critical environment, your self-esteem is more likely to be eroded by harsh words and putdowns. Becoming aware of the critical voice gives us a chance to change and stop the old destructive programming that can limit us. When we are aware of this negative voice,we can learn to talk back to it. Practice replacing the critical words with a positive phrase,or use your own affirming statement. “I am incredible! I am more than enough!”

To fall in love with your self is the first secret to hapiness.

Robert Morley

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Establishing good communication When Setting Boundaries

Whether at work or at home,good communication is important when you are setting healthy boundaries with others.This technique will assist you in being clear when expressing what you want.

When… (describe the behavior)

I feel…(describe your feelings)

I want…( state what you want)

For example,

  1. When you come home from work you disappear into your office downstairs.

I feel ignored and unloved.

I want you to ask me about my day.

2. When I have an urgent deadline

I feel pressured

I want you to become more sensitive about this by not adding more to my already full workload.

Note: If you are expecting total cooperation when you first set up a new boundary,think again. You may be setting yourself up for a major disappointment. Let’s face it,we know it takes time for people to adjust to a new situation. Some people are really ticked off when their brand new boundary is ignored,but unless the situation is absolutely intolerable,consider giving the other person a little wriggle room. Old habits die hard when it comes to adults. And teenager,some have selected hearing. Often they don’t remember what you said yesterday.

Boundaries are to protect lives not to limit pleasures.

Edwin Louis Cole

Obtaining agreement for a new boundary is a form of negotiation. To maintain healthy integral relationships,adults need to regularly negotiate boundaries between themselves. Focus on making it a win-win.One thing you don’t want to do is isolate your family and friends by being too rigid. Like the willow tree,you need to be flexible. Getting everything you want some of the time may be sufficient. Check your position by asking these two questions:

  • How important is this?
  • How far do I want to take it?

Curfew Consequences

Consequences are often the only way we can get cooperation and have our needs met. My nephew was late again. Infact ,it was well past his curfew. Being a typical aunt,I was sleeping with one ear open,listening for his safe return. By the time he noisily entered the house in wee hours,I was tired and angry. ” You are grounded for a month!” I yelled.

Be careful what you set up. That consequence didn’t affect him nearly as much as it affected me. Having a crancky,moody,teenager in my space for thirty-one long days was nearly unbearable.

When you set consequences,make sure that you are willing to enforce them. Be certain the impact on the other peeson is greater than on you. Don’t threaten to leave a relationship if you’re not ready to do so. Don’t say you ‘ll quit your job if that isn’t your intention. Making hollow threats can backfire on you later. Think through your consequences first,don’t make them in the heat of the moment. Consequences often take creativity. Remember,your goal is to change the behavior. If you aren’t prepared to follow through,the other person will not be motivated to change. The secret is in the follow through.

When people set boundaries with you,it’s their attempt to continue the relationship with you not an attempt to hurt you.

Elizabeth Earnshaw
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Turning People Down

Exercising your “No” muscle may be all you need when you want to preserve healthy boundaries. I’ve been flexing my No muscle for several years now and have almost mastered it. Although my need to feel useful sometimes gets in the way and a Yes slips out.However,most of the time,I’m dynamite at saying No.

It’s important to understand the reason for your resistance to saying No.This is part of the cure. Anyways,before you say No,do check your intentions.Simply ask yourself: What is my intention if I agree to this request? Is it to genuinely help out,to look good,or to automatically repeat old patterns that always causes stress?

Don’t say maybe if you want to say no.

Ryan Holiday.

Checking our intentions is a great way to observe the self-sabotaging games we play.

Kindly do a check if you have any of the following symptoms:

  • When you say No you automatically feel guilty.
  • You are seeking approval because it matters to you what people think.
  • You have a high need to be useful.
  • You believe that it’s selfish to say No to anyone,or at the very least not good manners.

Tips to help you say No

1. Buy yourself time to Think

If you ‘re a knee-jerk yes person,this is especially important. Be assertive. Learn to use phrases like,”Let me check my calendar first” or “I ‘ll get back to you in a couple of days,” or “Let me think about that,am not ready to make a decision right now.” Each of these answers gives you more time to think through the request so you can make the decision that’s best for you.

2. Create Policy Statements

Coporations have policies that sound like they are cast in stone. You and your family can too.for example, we have a policy to only support children’s charities.

3.Shift the focus back to you.

This is not about you. I need to say No for me.This is my personal favorite. When you say this sincerely with emphathy for the other person’s situation and use great eye contact,it’s magic.Just about anyone will understand and support someone who says No for their own personal reasons.

4. Know your priorities and stick to them

Once again,check your most important values.If having supper together as a family is a high priority,say No to all interruptions. That includes cell phone,TV,sales people, or reading materials.it’s difficult enough to find time for meaningful conversation,so put your foot down.

5. Keep it simple

You don’t need to give long-winded explanations or make excuses about your decision to say No. That can make you vulnerable.Keep it short and simple.If you ‘re feeling weak or unassertive,don’t attempt to convince the other person by rationing or even worse,telling half truths. This usually comes to haunt you,buy some time instead.

Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree on.

Henry Cloud.

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Managing Your Motherly Role

The family dynamics has dramatically changed. Compared to the pace experienced by our grandmothers and even our mothers. Life today is faster and more demanding. More than 68 percent of women now have jobs. Employers require higher levels of commitment and performance, and kids are involved in more extracurricular activities.Women routinely add the job of chauffeur to their growing lists of responsibilities. However,working women who hold on to the ideal picture of motherhood are setting themselves up for an exhausting, resentful existence.

When it comes to motherhood,many of us cling to old thinking. We still believe that the gold standard goes to stay-at-home moms. These women can spend more time with their young children because they don’t have the pressure of a job outside of the home. Stay-at-home moms volunteer in the classroom,bake cookies and have time to play with their children during the day along with running the household. The gold standard doesnt work anymore . It needs redefining. The first shift you need to make is a mental one.Let go of the old paradigm that worked for your mother.In this new world,the old stereotype doesn’t fit anymore. You need to abandon traditional definitions. Creating excellent balance today has a lot to do with letting go.

When you work full time,you go home to nightly chores and end up with weekends fillled with to-do lists,you can’t possibly live up to this ideal mom role. When you are not happy,the family is not happy. No wonder balance is elusive.

Being consumed with your mother role robs you of balance. This can easily happen,especially when you are raising young children. Your kids become the focus-all your attention and energy is poured into this. But it’s important to separate yourself from your sleep-deprived,snack-making,diaper changing role. Wear something other than sweats with that permanent drool stain on the shoulder. If you don’t take regular timeouts for you,balance will quickly be lost.Please understand that i am not trying to abdicate your role as a mother. Far from it. But can you really have it all? Probably not,especially if you are still hanging on to the June Cleaver standard of motherhood.

Don’t confuse having a career with having a life.

Hillary Rodham Clinton

Let go. Change your mind about the perfect “mom” model and tune in to the reality of the world today. There are many ways to be a great mom. Let go of any guilt you may be feeling,and let yourself of the hook.

Balance comes in the moment you stand up for the life you truly want by making choices that align with that life.

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Developing A Positive Outlook To Life.

Now,here are practical and proven ways to help you live a positive life.

Ignore what others say

Whilst we want others to like us and we try to impress many people,it is so important for you to ignore anything you believe other people may say or think about you.People who react or speak negatively about you do not deserve your time so do not let them have your thoughts and cause you anger or concern.

Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you

Imagine a positive environment

Our imaginations are a powerful thing that can help create visual images that can either make us happy or sad. If you are feeling like someone or something is making you uncomfortable or sad,close your eyes or do something that helps you to step back and imagine something visual that makes you calm and happy. Grab that positive thought and turn it into an action when you react to the situation at hand.

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow – Helen Keller

Use positive language

This does not apply to when taking to people alone,it also applies to your inner thoughts. Tell yourself regularly that you are powerful and capable and when you start to think something negative,remind yourself of only positive things.This same does no where apply when talking to other people. Even if those people are being unkind to you,you need to ensure you respond with positive words. Not only will you be a bigger and better person as you have not lowered yourself to their level. You will only see an expected reaction from the people who have spoken to you badly as they will not be expecting you to respond in this way.

https://actionnetwork.org

Smile

This may sound like a simple and obvious instruction,but it is something that we often do not remember and we can be affected if we are not smiling regularly. Just by smiling,our positive energy will start restoring itself and will begin to take effect on how we feel. It helps to begin the process of thinking positively.

Be Constructive with your thoughts.

There will be times when you will want to think negatively. During those times,you should take that negative thought and embrace it then turn it into a constructive one. Think, “OK,I am not happy at this moment,how can I change that and make the situation better,What can I do to change this feeling to a happy one?” If you go back to thinking negatively,continue repeating this process to start training your brain to think positively.

Positive mind

Positive vibes

Positive life

Visualize achieving your dreams

You can imagine how you want to achieve your goals and dreams. Even if you are not sure whether those goals and dreams are within reach at this particular moment in time,you have the right to think about them as they will create a positive outlook and state of mind. Everybody had something they strive towards. Believe me! You have every right to imagine your successes in the future as long as you remind yourself to live in that moment and be positive when you are thinking about those wishes.

Turn your failures into life’s lessons

The honest truth is that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. What is important is that we do not see these mistakes as something to prevent us from moving forward. We all have the capacity to turn what we see ad personal failure into something positive as failure can only aid us in growing as a person emotionally and physically. When you have moments of doubts after something may have happened that you are not happy about, pause and think about what you can do next time to learn from the situation. Furthermore,even if you are not able to do what you have decided would have been a better approach,you will be able to start building that positive mentality that will help you make better decisions in the long run.

When life puts you in a negative situation,don’t say “Why me” say “Try me”

It is very important for you to have an approach that is reflective rather than self a depreciating as this will help you begin to see yourself in a more positive light. It is very easy to fall prey to negative thoughts and to criticize yourself and others when in a situation that makes you unhappy,but this train of thought will only bring you pain and anger in the long run. More importantly,it will add to any stress or anxiety you may experience.

Negative thoughts can drain your energy and our flow of energy is what helps us to lead a harmonious life..

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To The One Who Fathered You

Anyone can father a child, but being a dad takes a lifetime. Fathers play a role in every child’s life that cannot be filled by others. This role can have a large impact on a child and help shape him or her into the person they become.

Fathers and Emotional Development

Fathers, like mothers, are pillars in the development of a child’s emotional well-being. Children look to their fathers to lay down the rules and enforce them. They also look to their fathers to provide a feeling of security, both physical and emotional. Children want to make their fathers proud, and an involved father promotes inner growth and strength. Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self confidence.

Fathers Set the Bar for Relationships with Others

Fathers not only influence who we are inside, but how we have relationships with people as we grow. The way a father treats his child will influence what he or she looks for in other people. Friends, lovers, and spouses will all be chosen based on how the child perceived the meaning of the relationship with his or her father. The patterns a father sets in the relationships with his children will dictate how his children relate with other people.

Fathers and Their Daughters

Young girls depend on their fathers for security and emotional support. A father shows his daughter what a good relationship with a man is like. If a father is loving and gentle, his daughter will look for those qualities in men when she’s old enough to begin dating. If a father is strong and valiant, she will relate closely to men of the same character.

Fathers and Their Sons

Unlike girls, who model their relationships with others based on their father’s character, boys model themselves after their father’s character. Boys will seek approval from their fathers from a very young age. As human beings, we grow up by imitating the behavior of those around us; that’s how we learn to function in the world. If a father is caring and treats people with respect, the young boy will grow up much the same. When a father is absent, young boys look to other male figures to set the “rules” for how to behave and survive in the world.

Here’s wishing all fathers -to-be, and all Fathers a HAPPY FATHERS DAY.

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Take Enough Time For Yourself

Some people think that taking time for themselves will affect their performance. That’s right,it will- For the better. Some companies even insist their employees do this because they know the benefits that rejuvenation can have on the bottom line.Creative ideas most often originates during down time.

And often, these set of people drive themselves beyond reason,all the while insisting that everyone else in their lives,even the dog,gets exercise,eats well,and had lots of rest.

Now,keeping yourself healthy,nourished and rested is a huge benefit,even if you are neglecting other areas of self-care. Know your physical limits. The beyond exhaustion point may be too late. Avoid the lame excuses: “But I don’t know how to relax,” or “I can’t relax with so much to do.”

Taking enough time is a learned behavior.It involves discipline and practice. The busy stuff of life will always be there. You must learn to hit the stop button each and every week.

Tension is who you think you should be,relaxation is who you are.

Chinese Proverb

Some days when you walk through the front door at home,your spouse,the kids and the dog are all eagerly waiting to launch themselves at you with news and requests,even before you have taken off your cloth. But if you ‘ve worked a full day and your head is still buzzing with meetings and deadlines,you need a mechanism to switch off the office. Here’s a good strategy to help you ease out of one role and into another. It is what I call the 15-Minute crossover . This is an agreement with everyone that allows you fifteen minutes to unwind,change your clothes,take a few deep breaths and have something refreshing to drink,or whatever works for you. Then you are better prepared to step into the role of wife, mother,or husband again. If you are able, push the time to twenty or thirty minutes and slip in a mini-nap. It makes a world of difference. Even if you don’t have a full house when you come home,you should still take fifteen minutes to unwind from the pressures of the day. Don’t allow busyness to determine the quality of your life.Take care of you first and everything else will fall in place.

If you have younger children who are eager to see you,the 15-Minute crossover may not be practical. Here’s another option. Before you pick them up from school or before you walk through the door at home,close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Allow yourself to become grounded. Actually feel your feet on the ground. Now mentally flick an imaginary switch and shut off all thoughts of work,then smile.

Focus on your children. They are the most important reasons for living,and they are eagerly awaiting your arrival. Now you are ready!

Do this each time you are feeling overwhelmed. With practice,it will become easier. Remember to smile. This changes your physiology and releases those “good feeling” hormones.

All that is important comes in quietness and waiting.

Patrick Lindsay
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Your Words Are Shaping Your World

“Now don’t you go getting any ideas,Tom; Don’t you get any ideas either,Terry; Don’t you two get any ideas.”

The young mother’s words to her small children echoed in my head for several days. While I realized she was probably warning them not to do something against her wishes or something that could harm them. I can’t help but wonder about the effects that a situation like that,heard over for a period of years,will have on their lives and their ability to realize their potential.

Fast forward-Its twenty years down the line and now little Tom and Terry are all grown up,sitting in a conference room where they both work as marketing managers having graduated at the top of their classes in college.The CEO is pacing back and forth saying , “Okay gang,what we need now,if we want to save this company,are some really good ideas.” As their bosses words trail off,Tom and Terry are jolted back in time to that day at the Eagle dinner. All they can hear is their mother’s voice telling them not to get any ideas. The conflict that this is causing has blocked their creative abilities. The contribution they may have made has been stifled by a poor choice of phrasing some twenty years ago.

You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life.

Zig Ziglar

I know this sounds a bit extreme but if you stop and think about it, this happens all the time. We are constantly been conditioned by the messages we hear,especially in our formative years. We use phrases like “Don’t get smart” and then wonder why children are doing poorly in school. Do you see the connection? Whatever is repeated over and over will be absorbed into the subconscious mind of that person listening. In this case,our children. Mc Donalds,Nestle Foods,Unilever knows this as does every other successful advertiser.

The words you choose and the phrases you use repeatedly will have a lasting impact on your children. Why not choose today,words that will make them realize their potential as unique,creative,bright,witty,powerful,and successful human beings.

Imagine what will happen if you made a habit of using positive, empowering,self-esteem building messages everyday. Imagine what your children could become!

Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.

Will you decide right now to create some positive messages you can implant in the young minds of your children.Make a daily habit of using positive messages when speaking to your children.

For example,you might say, “You know Jay,everyday you are getting better and better in every way.” (This is a take off on a phrase from Claude Bristol’s classic self help book,The Magic of Believing).

We can all work together to raise our self-esteem and that of everyone we encounter. It is possible to create a win-win world. There’s no best time than now.

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Developing Self-Compassion

Everyone is human. We all make mistakes that needs to be forgiven. By forgiving yourself,you are choosing love over judgement. That’s a good choice. You are also sending notice that moving on with your life is more important than remaining in the emotional prison of self-condemnation.

As painful and uncomfortable as it may feel,there are things in life that are worth enduring the pain for inorder to move forward and forgiving yourself is one of them.

Now,there’s nothing you have done that cannot be forgiven no matter how bad you think it is. Offer yourself with the olive branch of compassion and choose to love yourself instead. As a child,I grew up believing I was going to be a saint,or at least a nun. In my mind,I pictured myself heading off to the convent to join the Medical Missionaries of Mary. Of course,I never came close to being holy enough. I would beat myself up unmercifully for every little infraction that took me further from my goal. It was a great relief when the convent burned down because it meant I didn’t need to be so good anymore.

In order to heal,we must first forgive and sometimes,the person we must forgive is ourselves.

Mila Bron

I have come to realize that we are so hard on ourselves,and we sometimes set such high moral standards and expectations on ourselves. This oftentimes set the stage for most of the problems we unnecessarily suffer.

And as a perfectionist,it is much easier to forgive others than to forgive yourself. This is not right at all. You need to focus more on self-acceptance. By doing so,you will notice that having compassion for yourself becomes easier.

Here’s a ten-step process to avoid this trap.

One: Accept What You Did

Take full responsibility for your actions or inactions.Confront the situation head on,no excuses or denial. I suggest you journal your thoughts. This will bring clarity,and help purge the memory. Allow yourself to be emotional. Release any pain you have,shed some tears if you need to.

Two: Confession

Confession is one of the oldest and best methods for unloading heavy burdens. It works. Confess to God,or someone else what you did. Nothing you have done,no shame deep enough,can separate you from God.Talk to Him,let Him know your remorse and regret. Reconcile your relationship with God if you need to. Telling someone else is a bonus. We share our humanness by showing each other that we make mistakes. Letting go of the pain with someone you trust will prevent you from making excuses or living in denial.

Step Three: Give Up Self-Flaggelation

There is no value in continuing to punish yourself,even though you feel you deserve to be condemned. Remaining a victim will negatively affect the relationship you have with yourself and others.

Step Four:Make Ammends If Appropriate

A sincere apology or a verbal olive branch may be all that is required. Perhaps you need to return something or pay back money that you owe. A word of caution- For every choice,there’s a consequence. Sometimes you can create more damage by the way you make ammends. Be discerning. It’s imperative you proceed with the right intentions,having no expectations about the outcome.

Step Five:What Did You Learn.

Mistakes have a habit of reoccurring unless your eyes are wide open.I believe all of life’s experiences are designed to teach you something. If you have blinders on,you will miss the lesson and it’s significance to your life. Learn to forgive yourself. Travel through life unburdened by guilt.It’s one of the best gifts you can give yourself and those you love.

Step Six: Give yourself permission to put this process on hold

If you make a mistake but have a hard time puting it out of your mind,You can visualize your thoughts and feelings about the mistake going into a container,such as a mason jar or box. Then,tell yourself you are putting this aside for now and will return to it if and when it will beneft you. This is a macho task. That’s right.

Step Seven : Have a conversation with your inner critic

Journalling can help you understand your inner critic and develop self-compassion. You can write out a conversation between you and your inner critic. This can help you identify thought patterns that are sabotaging your ability to forgive yourself.

Step Eight:Quit playing the tape

It’s human nature to spend time and energy replaying our mistakes in our head. While some processing is important,going over what happened again and again won’t allow you to take the proper steps to forgive yourself. Go ahead and take three to five deep breathes or go for a walk. Sometimes,I just listen to music and this does wonders to my spirit.

Step Nine: Determine The best action to take

If the mistake you made hurt another person,you need to determine the best course of action. Do you want to talk to this person and apologize? Is it important to reconcile with them and make amends?

Step Ten: Seek professional help if necessary

If you are struggling with forgiving yourself,you may benefit from talking to a professional. Like talking to a counsellor who can help you learn how to handle these unhealthy patterns in your life and learn new and healthier ways of coping with mistakes. Once you identify what you are feeling,give a voice to it and accept that mistakes are inevitable. You will begin to see how freeing forgiveness can be.

Forgive Yourself First,Release the need to replay a negative situation over and over in your mind. Don’t be a hostage to your past by always reviewing and reliving your mistakes. Don’t remind yourself of what should have,could have,or would have been. Release it and let it go. Move on.

Les Brown
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Living In Your Present Moment Is Truly Rewarding.

What I have found overtime is that the more I can recognize what is happening in the present moment and simply open and allow the experience without judgement,the more I come back home.

Psychologist&Buddhist,Tara Brach

Life unfolds in the present or now moment. But so often,we let the present slip away allowing time to rush past unobserved,unseized,and squandering the precious seconds of our lives as we worry about the future and ruminate about what is past.

One of the key factor in living a healthy life is to be able to balance your thought-past,present,and future.When you focus too much on them, it can have a serious negative effect on your life.

Though it is hard to figure out what the exact right balance is.However, you know you have hit it when you worry less,experience less stress on a regular basis, and find yourself living the majority of your life in the present.

One of life’s sharpest paradoxes is that your brightest future hinges on your ability to pay attention to the present.

Being in the ‘now’ moment means that you are aware and mindful of what’s happening at this very moment. You are not distracted by ruminations on the past or concerns for the future but mainly focused on the here and now.

When you become mindful,you realize that you are not your thoughts. You become an observer of your thoughts from that moment without judging them.

Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future. It involves being with your thoughts as they are,neither grasping at them nor pushing them away. Instead of letting your life go by without living it,you awaken to experience.This reduces stress,boost immune functioning,reduce chronic pain,lowers blood pressure,and helps patients cope with cancer. By alleviating stress,spending a few minute a day actively focusing on living in the moment reduces the risk of heart diseases.

Mindful people are happier,more emphatic, and more secure. They have higher self-esteem and are more accepting of their own weaknesses. They can hear negative feedback without feeling threatened. They fight less with their romantic partners and are more accommodating and less defensive.

Focusing on the present moment forces you to stop overthinking,it reboots your mind so you can respond thoughtfully rather than automatically. Instead of lashing out in anger,backing down in fear,or mindlessly indulging a passing craving,you get the opportunity to say to yourself, “This is the emotion I’m feeling,how should I respond?

Being present-minded is the key to staying healthy and happy. It keeps you grounded and connected to yourself and everything around you. It is a mental journey and often requires discipline.

So enjoy now and all that comes along with it because you may never get to experience it again.

Being present-minded takes away some of that self-evaluation and getting lost in your mind. However, in the mind is where we make the evaluations that beats us .

Stephen Schueller
Featured

A Peep Into My Blogging Career

Hello amazing friends on the block. I’ve been nominated for the Vincent Ehindero award by Shedrackamy. A big shout out to her. She’s got inspiring and motivating blog contents handy. You can check her out on https://amyshedrack200.wordpress.com

https://vincentehindero.wordpress.com/

RULES

  1. Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  2. Make a post of the award(with a photo of the logo).
  3. Post the rules.
  4. Ask 5-10 questions of your choice.
  5. Nominate 10-30 bloggers (or more) and notify them.

Here are my responses to your questions Amy.

  • What gave you the push to start blogging?

It’s really an inspiration and inner urge to want to extricate all the lessons I have learnt in life (while growing up and till date) to the world out there.

  • Are you proud of the progress you have made so far?

Absolutely. I’m glad you mentioned the word progress. It really is. I can categorically state here that it was through consistency, commitment,dedication and personal development.

  • Is blogging a profession or a hobby for you?

It’s both a profession and a hobby.

  • Where do you see yourself in the next five years.

I see myself becoming a top-notch talkshow host, life& relationship blogger extraordinaire and a professional movie maker or film actor.

But it does not stop there,setting up machineries/planning for those goals is a very critical step to take inorder for those goals to be achieved. Inorderwords,taking action inorder to see the results.

  • What advice would you give to someone who wants to start a blog to make money?

You must first understand what you want out of life or anything you set your mind to do. If making money is a priority as a blogger. It’s a natural desire. However,you will need some tons of dedication,perseverance,commitment and passion for what you do. If you are able to pull traffic to your site by delivering viable and helpful blog contents, then it becomes easy to monetize your blog site through various monetization channels like AdWords,WordAi,Adsense,and others.

However,it will be helpful to note these coys don’t just take you on as a client,you will need to be qualified (by having a blog site or website and not just a free site) in order to benefit more.

Also,the site must meet some certain criteria (which these coys set for every site owners).

You can check online to know more.

  • Where do most of your views come from?

They come majorly from US,Canada,some African countries.

  • What’s your post frequency?

Actually,I aim for consistency and not frequency.

  • Are you doing the most when it comes to fulfilling the demands of your niche?

I am putting in my best since it’s a profession. The Wp team actually supports me through credible,practical and proven site contents to help me by.

  • How many friends have you made from blogging.

Tons of amazing and incredible friends including you.

  • Did you ever regret any of your post?

No! After developing my original contents, I still engage in secondary research in order for accuracy and consistency.

This has really been a worthwhile task for me. Writing has been fun! fun!! fun!! Thank you once again Amy for the nomination.

MY NOMINEES

I nominate all my followers and fellow bloggers. You guys have made blogging life easy and fulfilling. Feel free to join in the spread of love.

My question:

I will like to ask the same questions Amy asked.

Featured

Focus On Your Own Ideal Of A Healthy Body Image

When it comes to body image,millions of women have lost their minds. This problem seems to be getting worse. Majority of women blame the mirror for the image they see. So what? What is the obsession with image? Of course,we want to look our best and stay youthful,firm,and healthy as long as we can. And what about our sex lives? We say, “What if he sees my stretch marks,or notices my cellulite?” These hangups are extremely distracting. Instead of enjoying intimate relationships,we are preoccupied with covering up or dimming the lights. It’s absurd,yet tragically true. But why is the majority of us so self-critical,seeing only our defects and misplaced curves? One of the main culprits is the media- magazines,movies,television and advertising. We are totally bombarded.

  • Look ten years younger in five minutes.
  • Have the body you want in two short weeks.
  • Finally,a diet that works-eat cabbage.
  • Remove those wrinkles forever.

Just take a look at the magazine covers on the newsstand. Models portraying the definition of beauty are all tall,skinny,gorgeous with bodies like goddesses and sparkling white teeth. Little wonder women develop a low self-worth and self-image. The media don’t provide many role models to restore our droopping self-image.

Life is not a stress rehearsal

Loretta La Roche

Sadly,anxiety and feelings of dissatisfaction about body image forces some women to take drastic measures . Fad diets,diuretics,and other quick-fix weight loss gimmicks are now common place.

If you are already hooked by this,you need to put a stop. The constant need to live up to an unrealistic image will definitely take a toll on your emotional and physical wellbeing.

Hey! Pause and ask yourself? Why I’m doing this? Who am I trying to impress? What is my reward at the of these pursuits?

In all of these distractions,the obvious missing link is self-acceptance. This means,liking yourself,no matter what shape or size you are.

Don’t be deceived. Turn off the dull roar of the media blitz. See it for what it is. Corporations profit from our low body image,marketing products that may not be healthy or helpful.

When you focus on your own ideal of a healthy body image,you will have a much better chance of reaching your goals. This means understanding what styles look good on you, knowing how to enhance your best features,working to reach a healthy weight for your body,and eating whole healthy foods.

Featured

How Worthwhile Are You Feeling?

It doesn’t matter how tough or rough your journey in life has been. How old you are or how disadvantaged you perceive yourself to be. You can create this crucially important quality of a lifetime, Self -esteem.

Self-esteem is a particular form of self-concept-one which calls for judgement. A judgement as to one’s worth or value to yourself,to others,and to the world in general. A judgement as to the presence and reliability of one’s abilities- Can you do what what you need to do? A judgement as to whether or not you deserve the respect of others.

This judgement results in a sense of confidence or a sense of fear and doubt.

Another word for self-esteem is regard or feeling worthwhile about oneself.

In psychology,the term self-esteem is used to describe a person’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. Inorderwords, how much you love and appreciate yourself.

To have high self-esteem is to have high regard for yourself. The truth is,no matter what situations you encountered,no matter what you do,no matter what others may think of you,you are able to love and value yourself and embracing self-acceptance.

Some things may be equally essential but nothing is more important than a healthy self-esteem and loving yourself. Why? In my experience,three of the most important reasons are:

  • Life becomes simpler and lighter.
  • You will have more inner stability and less self-sabotaging.
  • You will be happier.

A low or poor self-esteem can alter our perception about people and life. Sometimes,it can leave people feeling defeated or depressed. It can also lead to bad choices or decisions.

For example,those who constantly receive overly critical or negative assessments from caregivers,family members and loved ones,will likely experience problems with low self-esteem.

Additionally,our inner thinking,age,potential illness,disabilities,or physical limitations and job can affect one’s self-esteem.

A realistic yet positive view of yourself is generally considered the ideal.

Having a high self-esteem goes a long way in your motivation and success throughout your life.

According to Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs,he depicts self-esteem as one of the basic human motivations. He suggested that people need both esteem from other people as inner self-respect. Both of these needs must be fulfilled inorder for personal growth and self-actualization.

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on.

Maxwell Maltz.

Do you really know who you are?

Here’s a checklist to help you out.

  • You are confident.
  • You have the ability to say No.
  • You have a positive outlook about things and life.
  • Negative experiences do not impact your overall perspective.
  • You have the ability to express yourself.

If on the contrary,you notice these patterns below in your life,then you need to work on developing your self-esteem.

  • You have a negative outlook about life.
  • You lack self-confidence.
  • There’s inability to express your needs.
  • You focus on your weaknesses.
  • You have feelings of shame,anxiety and depression.
  • You believe that others are better than you.
  • You often nurse a fear of failure.

Now,how do you develop your self-esteem?

1. Use positive affirmations correctly

Positive affirmations such as “I am going to be a great success!” are extremely popular, but they have one critical problem — they tend to make people with low self-worth feel worse about themselves. Why? Because when our self-esteem is low, such declarations are simply too contrary to our existing beliefs. Ironically, positive affirmations do work for one subset of people — those whose self-esteem is already high. For affirmations to work when your self-esteem is lagging, tweak them to make them more believable. For example, change “I’m going to be a great success!” to “I’m going to persevere until I succeed!

2. Identify your competencies and develop them

Self-esteem is built by demonstrating real ability and achievement in areas of our lives that matter to us. If you pride yourself on being a good cook, throw more dinner parties. If you’re a good runner, sign up for races and train for them. In short, figure out your core competencies and find opportunities and careers that accentuate them.

3. Learn to accept compliments

One of the trickiest aspects of improving self-esteem is that when we feel bad about ourselves we tend to be more resistant to compliments— even though that is when we most need them. So, set yourself the goal to tolerate compliments when you receive them, even if they make you uncomfortable (and they will). The best way to avoid the reflexive reactions of batting away compliments is to prepare simple set responses and train yourself to use them automatically whenever you get good feedback (e.g., “Thank you” or “How kind of you to say”). In time, the impulse to deny or rebuff compliments will fade — which will also be a nice indication your self-esteem is getting stronger.

4. Eliminate self-criticism and introduce self-compassion 

Unfortunately, when our self-esteem is low, we are likely to damage it even further by being self-critical. Since our goal is to enhance our self-esteem, we need to substitute self-criticism (which is almost always entirely useless, even if it feels compelling) with self-compassion. Specifically, whenever your self-critical inner monologue kicks in, ask yourself what you would say to a dear friend if they were in your situation (we tend to be much more compassionate to friends than we are to ourselves) and direct those comments to yourself. Doing so will avoid damaging your self-esteem further with critical thoughts, and help build it up instead.

5. Affirm your real worth

The following exercise has been demonstrated to  help revive your self-esteem after it sustained a blow. Make a list of qualities you have that are meaningful in the specific context. For example, if you got rejected by your date, list qualities that make you a good relationship prospect (for example, being loyal or emotionally available); if you failed to get a work promotion, list qualities that make you a valuable employee (you have a strong work ethic or are responsible). Then choose one of the items on your list and write a brief essay (one to two paragraphs) about why the quality is valuable and likely to be appreciated by other people in the future. Do the exercise every day for a week or whenever you need a self-esteem boost.

Featured

10 Of My Favorite Feelings Will Actually Do

A huge appreciation to Xandria for coming up with this awesome idea for a tag and Pooja for continuing the chain.
Shout out to SANIYA
http://www.s4niy4.wordpress.com for nominating me. You can visit her blog to catch up with amazing and life-changing blog contents.
For me,this is good fun.
To be able to connect back to my feelings both old and new is a great way to appreciate both the littlest /minutest and the bigger things of life. They are feelings that I will always nurture and cherish for as long as I can.

THE RULES

List out 10 of your favourite feelings! It’s honestly just that simple

MY FEELINGS

On the Ol’ school student association platform
There is a surge of feelings of happiness and gratitude I get when I’m on the platform talking about anything and everything with my girlfriends. Every conversation is actually worth it.


Remembering an Ol’ time friend.
A feeling of gratitude is something I get when I remember an ol’time friend of mine who doubled as a good samaritan when life brewed its bitter galls on me. She’s someone I have come to respect with the passage of time.Fast forward to this day and I still can’t get her out of my mind.



My bedroom
That kind of feeling you get when you have been drowned in work! work!! Work !!! from top to bottom and it’s time to have a good night rest. My bedroom is just one place to get that succor.



A Valued Friendship

Of course! I’m a relationship person and this is why I kinda treasure each one that made a huge impact in my life.
There’s an exciting yet indescribable feeling I get each time I see a call come through on my phone from one out of those treasurable relationships.



My Car
It’s time to hit the road and one good place to start out with a great feeling of calmness and serenity is when I step into my car. Enuff said.



My Bedside Radio
Ha!Ha!!Ha!!! I’m a music lover. Hey! Let’s go down low- That soft music that makes you wanna start life afresh if you are given the chance. But really,I don’t mind.



My Mother
You all know how it feels when you are with that special person who brought you to the world and who you have survived the toughness of life with. It’s a feeling of renewed sense of hope and positivity.



My Podcasting and Blogging career
It’s a feeling of positivity and sense of fulfillment each time I’m in the WordPress community and reading up life-changing contents written by truly amazing friends.
And what about podcasting? As a newbie on the block,there’s a feeling of pride and true fulfilment that overwhelms me each time I receive positive feedbacks from listeners across my podcast distribution platforms. I’m overly spurred to want to give my very best each time I’m in my work mode.


In the Shower
Waoh! What a feeling of serenity that I have when I’m in the shower; when I have to peep through the curtains to see the birds chirp on the tress and on roof tops; the leaves on the trees blowing here and there and to view some beautiful edifices close by.



At the Spa
When you decide it’s time to focus on yourself,you know how it feels.Especially when you are being given that TLC of a thing at the spa. It’s a feeling of reconnection with one’s inner being.


MY NOMINEES

Really it’s been a worthwhile stuff for me.

Now,I’m going to be nominating some people inorder to keep up with the fun and continue to spread love in the community. Though it’s open to all. Feel free to join in if you are interested and kindly let me know in the comments section if you want your name added.

In addition,please feel free to express yourself in the best way you can. No harm intended!

I sign out….

ONE LOVE

FAUXCROFT

fauxcroft.com

TRAVELS AND ADVENTURES OF JOYFUL STEPHANIE

joyfulstephanie.me

BODGAN

pointlessoverthinking.com

DEEPLY SHREDED

bedvyang.com

BON REPOSITES

bonjourfrombrittany.com

MAKING LEMONADE OUT OF LEMON

stkhalid1500.wordpress.com

KINGE

kevinkinge.com

BLOGS BY J

blogbyj.life

DEBASIS NAYAK






Featured

Spread Love And Not Hate

Acknowledgement is sharing your love with someone else. This not only gives you joy,it uplifts the other person. How do you feel when someone singles you out for a job well done? It feels good.

What happens when you acknowledge a child? He or she lights up! Every human being has a need to feel validated and loved. Women on the homefront need to feel that they are not taken for granted. When we get hurt,we need to be heard,we want someone to understand our pain- Pain that usually comes from a lack of validation.

Those who are truly grateful are deeply moved by the privileges of living.

Audiq Ice

When we acknowledge others and don’t expect anything in return,they are touched. Their spirit is lifted for a while. This has a ripple effect,in that they often reach out and touch others as well.

Are you familiar with the concept “Pay it forward?” My friend Anne gave me a great example of this. She was standing in line waiting to pay for her cofee. Apparently,the woman behind her was visibly unhappy. Anne said ,”She looked miserable and I was concerned. As I handed over my $5 to the cashier,I said,’This is for my coffee and also for the woman behind me.’ When the woman heard that,her face brightened with a beautiful smile. “Thank you!,” she said. ‘And this is for the person behind me.’ Soon others were smiling and laughing. For with a dollar, I was able to share my gratitude and happiness by helping others begin their day with a smile.”

And while acknowledging the darkest and heaviest times we experience,it’s important we still need to spin the moment,paint it different colors,and transform it because positivity saves lives.

Debbie Lynn,30 degrees full circle

Sometimes with only seconds to respond, we miss the opportunity to acknowledge someone.Try to become more spontaneous- act when you first get the feeling or thought. The longer you wait,the less chance there is of following through. Start with the wonderful practice of Acknowledgement. Before you do,a word of caution: Giving Acknowledgement to get something in return is manipulation.(I want their approval,I want her friendship) so check your intentions. True acknowledgment is unconditional.

When passion and courage join forces,adversity cannot stop you.

Les Hewitt

Featured

What Is Guiding And Motivating Your Attitudes Or Actions?

You only live once. But if you work it right,once is enough.

Fred Allen

How can you work it right? By knowing your values and living by them everyday.Do this and you will have few regrets in your life.

When you are feeling good and everything’s going your way,it’s not difficult to consistently live out your values.However,when your values determine you should take an action that will hurt you or cost you something,it can be harder to follow through.

As a leader,it’s absolutely important to lead others by the values you embrace. Though it may alienate you from others but not from yourself.

Most people get into trouble when their values and their feelings collide.

If one of your values is integrity and you found out that an item was mistakenly dropped in your cart while shopping, returning it won’t be a difficult thing for you to do. However,if you found your boss sleeping with your fiancé in the office and you knew calling the attention of others would get you fired. Of course, that will be a difficult thing to do especially when you know that losing your job might cause you your house or ruining you financially.

This is what happens,successful people do what’s right no matter how they feel about it. They don’t expect to be able to feel their way into acting. They act first and then hope that their feelings will follow suit.

True, life changes begins when you decide to change your value system because it is foundational to everything you do.

The day I realized this truth,I began to discipline myself in ensuring I live up to my values. Moreso, I surrounded myself with folks who share the same values as mine and those who equally help me improve on them as each day passes.

What I did was that,I jot down my values in a little book and at the end of each day, I spend a minute reviewing and reflecting on each of those values. This way,I stay on track and I’m less likely to drift away from living them out. Hey! Not coming on so easy though.

Try not to become men of success.Rather, become men of value.

Albert Einstein

Now,managing your life according to your values isn’t easy.Why? Because your values will be tested daily by those who do not embrace them.Negative people may discount you when you display a positive attitude. People without families may not understand your devotion to your family. Unreachable people won’t understand your devotion to personal growth. And those whose priorities are different from yours will try to convince you to follow them or make unwise compromises.

Here is a simple tip to help you by:

* Once you have created your lists of values,write a descriptive statement for each one explaining how you intend to apply it to your life and what benefit or direction that will bring. Keep the document where you can see it everyday. Think about your values often to help them soak in. As you go through your day and face decisions,measure your choices against your values. And whenever it’s appropriate,talk about them.It not only cements your values in your mind and helps you to practice them,but it also adds a level of accountability.

Fact sheet*

If you talk your values but neglect to walk them,then you will continually undermine your integrity and credibility. And this will happen even if you are unaware of your behavior and are not doing it intentionally.

Featured

What Do You Like To See In Your Life?

Positive affirmation is a way of using positive sentences that you repeat to yourself to build up self-belief in your subconscious mind.This means,effectively writing a list of affirmations that inspire and motivate you to be better and help to overcome inner barriers and self-doubt.

hello,this is life well lived by omobola stephen,and here is your host as usual,omobola stephen.

did you missed the previous episodes,neve mind,you can catch them up on itunes,iheartradio,listen notes,googlepodcasts,jiosaavn,castbox,deezer,podcahaser,podcast addict,and on youtube. while you are thee,search for life well lived by omobola stephen. do have a eally good time.

Ever heard the saying that your day is predicated on how well your morning looks like. How about saying a few affirmations each morning before you set out for the day’s activities?

my question to you today and what I will be focusing on is what do you like to see in your life. invariably,I’m talking aboput the power of positive affirmations.

When you begin to say these phrases,they might not necessarily be true,but they should be designed to reflect what you want to be true. You need to make them powerful and unique to who and what you want to become. Then,overtime,the consistent repetition of daily positive affirmations will help to reshape your inner beliefs and assumptions about yourself and the world around you.This reshaping gives you a more positive perception of who you are and where you stand.So,most importantly,you have to truly believe an affirmation to be true.

Positive people will remind themselves daily of what they want to see or how they want their future to turn out.

Law of attraction experts almost universally recommend using positive affirmations. However,perhaps,you have struggled to design affirmations that work for you.

Perhaps you are new to the law of attraction and are not sure how to start using positive daily affirmations in the most productive way to program your subconscious mind,although,you may know that they are supposed to be a powerful tool,maybe you just do not understand how affirmations work best and are worried that you are limiting your manifestation potential. If your experience of positive affirmations has been frustrating,confusing,overwhelming, or awkward, you are not alone. The good news is that you can find a way to actually make them work for you. Meanwhile,if you are just learning about affirmations and feeling intimidated,here is a guide to demystify the concept.The best place to always start is in the morning after you wake up.This positive affirmation transcend beyond that moment into the very fabric of your entire day.

The benefits of daily affirmations show that when you are stressed,you can boost your problem-solving skills by using self-affirmations. So affirmations can help you perform better under pressure. This is particularly useful in situations like job interviews and first dates.

Daily affirmations help you vibrate in alignment, abundance,rather than in lack. This can help you manifest law of Attraction goals at even faster rate.Also affirmations make you more aware of your thought processes. Greater awareness makes you more likely to challenge negative thoughts as they arise. This also enhances your self-knowledge,making you better at knowing what you really want in life. They reconnect you with feelings of gratitude and enhance your perspective on the good things in life.This can boost your hapiness as well as your vibrational frequency.

like the words of roald dahl, he said, ” if you have good thoughts,they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” isnt that amazing?

Recent research indicates that optimistic people tend to have better cardiovascular health. Inorderwords,if your affirmations make you more optimistic,they could help you to live more longer too. phrases,they might not necessarily be true,but they should be designed to reflect what you want to be true. You need to make them powerful and unique to who and what you want to become. Then,overtime,the consistent repetition of daily positive affirmations will help to reshape your inner beliefs and assumptions about yourself and the world around you.This reshaping gives you a more positive perception of who you are and where you stand.So,most importantly,you have to truly believe an affirmation to be true.

here are some proven words of affirmations you can employ as you wake up each day before doing anything, do i consciously. you can spend 1-2 minutes repeating one,or even a few affirmations to yourself,or out loud in front of the mirror if that’s possible.

1.today, I’m brimming with energy and oveflowing with joy.

i am excitged to wake up up on this new day and I will experience this beautiful lifew with hapiness in my heart.

i reject all negative feelings about myslef and about my life, I consciouly accept all that is good.

i am and always will be good enough,smart enough and strong enough.

i am happy and content with my life and grateful for all that I have.

2 i am superior to negative thoughts and low actions.

3. my body is healthy;my mind is brilliant;my soul is tranquil.

5. i habe been given endless takents by god to use and fulfil my purpose here on earth#.

6. i am guided in every step by the help of the Holyspirit who leads me towards what i must know and do.

7. a river of compassion washes away my anger and replaces it with love.

8. i possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.

9. creative energy surges in me and through me and leads me to new brilliant ideas.

10. hapiness is a choice. I base my happiness on my own accomplishments and the blessings I’ve beeen given.

11. My ability to conquer my challenges is limitless;my potential to suceed is infinite.

12. i am courageous and I stand up for myself.

13. I am in charge of my emotions and my environment. they do not control me.

14. I attract healthy relationships into my life.

15. I do not have to croak to be heard. my voice and the words I speak blesses the hearers and listeners.

16. I sit with people who matter and add value to my lives

the thing is,Positive people will remind themselves daily of what they want to see or how they want their future to turn out.

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.

Robert H Schuller.

and here we go,thanks for tuning in. au revior. peace ya.
Featured

Focusing On What you do best Actually Pays Off

I believe everyone is blessed with unique talents and skills.

An important part of life is discovering what these are. Do you know what you are brilliant at doing? Yes, I said brilliant. That’s a word most people shy away from. Look at this this way. What do you do with ease that other people find difficult? What energizes and stimulates you? When does time fly for you? What are your natural talents?

If you are considering a change of work or career,check outside of your current resume. Do you have any hobbies,dreams,past times,or talents that may be seeds for a new vocation? Too often we turn blind eye to things that comes easy to us. We think we always need to be working hard at something. Maybe you are an exceptional organizer or over and  above the multi tasking skills virtually all women need to acquire. Perhaps you are whiz on the computer, or you have a great eye for color and design. May be you are terrific with people,or good at delivering presentations. Your natural talents will always energize you. When you do what you love, not only will you feel great joy and accomplishment,your energy will flow freely. Doing this is a crucial part of tracking your sources of energy and restoration. This is searching the truth of who you are. If you haven’t already done so,make a list of your various skills and give each a score between one and ten. The highest numbers are what you do exceptionally well. If you are unsure,get feedback from your closest friends and co-workers. Sometimes they can see your talents better than you can. Ask yourself,how much of your time is invested in doing what you do best? At work, are your best talents being utilized,or do you spend most of your day using lesser competencies?Start focusing more of your time on what you do best,especially in your work. You will be more energized and create more opportunities for yourself by constantly honing your natural skills.

Featured

What Happened To Our Dreams?

Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyhow.

Martin Luther King

To dream is to live. To dream is to feel the excitement and possibilities the future holds for us. Goethe quote says “Whatever you can do or dream you can,begin it. Boldness has genius,power and magic in it.”

Our dreams are what make us want to jump out of bed each morning eager to begin a new day. They are what propel us through life and give meaning to our existence. They are also what makes the difference between a life fully lived with joy,passion,and fulfilment or one,as Henry David Thoreau said, “Of quiet desperation.” You have dreams, you may have forgotten them or put them aside because you were told, “Stop dreaming and be realistic.” But you have them nonetheless. By the way,neither of those beliefs serve your best interests. Don’t stop dreaming! Dreams are what has given us everything that we have in our society-advancement in technology,medicine,science,and invention. Dreamers have given us virtually every advancement we have made since the dawn of civilization. You too have a God-given birthright to see your dreams a reality. You have every right to live your dreams to the fullest and use them create the life you were born to live.

What happened to our dreams?

As young children,we all had dreams about who we wanted to become and what we wanted to accomplish. As we grew older,we were taught by well-intentioned individuals to put our dreams aside and be “Be sensible.” Our educational system,for the most part,has been designed to discourage independent thinking. It teaches everyone to walk to the beat of the same drummer. We were taught to draw “Within the lines” and “Follow the rules.” It is interesting to not that most people who have achieved excellence in any field have done so by stepping out of the box. Most of our most accomplished citizens,people like Thomas Edison,holder of numerous patents and the discoverer of electricity, and Albert Eistein were very poor students in school. Bill Gates presently,one of the wealthiest man in the world,dropped out of Harvard to pursue his passion for computers. I’m not suggesting that education is unnecesary,just dont let it get in the way of your walking to the “beat of your own drummer,” Education was put in perspective for me few years ago. At the time, I was struggling with settling for a white-collar job or utilising my potential in writing. I had few attempts in some reputable companies but soon realise that nothing is ever fulfilling until you have found your core-competence and passion and utilising it. I later dropped the former and decided to harness my potential and I must say,it has taken me far and wide beyond my imagination. Today,I am thankful that my formal education did not mess up my ability to think. Never give up on your dreams,do not allow anyone talk you out of a dream that is important to you. If not for the dreamers,this world would be a pretty dull place.

You are not too Old

As long as you have a pulse,you can move toward realizing your dreams inspite of any age difference. Of course there are some exceptions.If you are 75 and want to be a professional footballer,this is not likely to happen,however,there are lots of other dreams you can fulfil regardless of your age. For example,Ray Kroc founded Mc Donalds at age 54,Harlan(Colonel) Sanders began KFC at 65. On July 24,1987, Hulda Crooks became the oldest person to climb Mt.Fuji in Japan. She was ninety one at the time.Upon doing so,she exclaimed, “You always feel good when you make a goal.” What are some of your dreams? What is it that you would like to have in your life? What would you like to do? Where would you like to go? Who would you like to meet? What would you like to be known for? As you begin a Fresh Start,ponder on these things.

No matter where you are from,your dreams are valid.

Lipitor Nyong’o
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Focusing On The Positive Side Of Life


The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. Let your unique awesomeness and positive energy inspire confidence in others. Wherever you go, no matter what the weather is, always bring your own sunshine. If you want light to come into your life, you need to stand where it is shining.

-Unknown

Have you noticed how we tend to hone in on the negative aspects of our lives,instead of the positive? That’s a big reason why we don’t experience more of the nurturing emotions that hapiness provides. We focus on the day-to-day irritations and inconveniences,allowing these to color our whole outlook.

Over a time this becomes a habit-we do it unconsciously. The news media doesn’t help in anyway. They provide an overwhelming diet of negative events,from wars,murders,rapes,and tragedies to family violence, kidnappings and all manner of disasters. Do you realize that 90 percent of all news is negative?Depressing!

Most people see life as one big burden. They obsess on everything that doesn’t work,instead of focusing on what is good and on the possibilities to make it even better. Worry,guilt, and resentment fuel this negative cycle. No wonder we find it so difficult to have more joy,happiness and contentment.

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances,but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.

Hugh Downs.

I know how this feels. When I was growing up,life appeared to be a constant battle. I felt I always had to have my dukes up,ready for the next fight. Optimism was partially part of my thought process though. I looked with scepticism at people who were extremely positive thinkers. When things went their way,I just thought they were lucky. Then slowly,with time,I started to realize that there was another way to live.

When I was faced with challenges,it was healthier to be optimistic and focus on solutions. In my old way of thinking,I would crumble into automatic pessimism, blaming everyone and complaining about my circumstances. The combination of a negative outlook and my limiting beliefs compounded my inability to be happy. It was a personal sabotage.

Gradually,I made a conscious choice to be happier and to have a more positive outlook. This wasn’t easy though. It took a lot of mental discipline and awareness to alter my perspective.

Now,one reason we struggle to find happiness is due to our limiting beliefs. Does a part of you believe things are too good to be true? Do you ever say things like this:

  • I just knew it wouldn’t last.
  • I always get the short end of the stick.
  • I don’t deserve to be happy.

Pause for a moment and think about this question. Do you tend to focus on the negative aspects of life? Do you deserve to be happy?

My advice is to,develop your optimism muscle. Optimists look at the world and see the same things that the pessimists see,yet,their response is quite different.

The optimists admires the beautiful mountain scenery through her kitchen window,while the pessimist see the dirty fingerprints on the glass.

Cultivate an optimistic mind, use your imagination, always consider alternatives, and dare to believe that you can make possible what others think is impossible.

Rodolfo Costa

Another habit to refrain from is blaming and complaining. Pessimists do a lot of this. It’s pointless,because when you focus on whatever is bothering you, the negative energy expands. Nobody likes to be around a whiner.

I have found that putting things into perspective helps. When some thing pulls you down,step back and observe it from a much bigger stage. What does this one situation look like compared to your whole life picture? How important is it in the whole scheme of things? Even a critical turning point like a layoff at work,when viewed simply as a single event or a chapter in your life,can be compressed into a less significant role.

You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control the way you think about all the events. You always have a choice. You can choose to face them with a positive mental attitude.

Roy T. Bennett
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How Far Can Your Habits Take You?

There’s an insurance factor that will guarantee you enjoy the best results. It’s called successful habits. This is the glue that holds everything together, day by day. Habits are the daily disciplines that determine whether or not you will end up with a positive mental image,vibrant health and financial freedom.

Quality is not an act,it is a habit.

Aristotle

Here’s an important fact to remember,Successful people have successful habits,unsuccessful people don’t. It’s that simple.You can apply this strategy to any area of your life that you wish to improve and reap wonderful rewards.

First, let’s define habits. Simply put,Habits are something you do often,until they become easy. The longer you repeat the behavior,the easier it becomes until eventually you do it unconsciously. For example,I wanted to increase my water and fruit intake,I would get off to a good start for a couple of weeks and then I ‘d forget. The problem was that i was too sporadic-I needed a plan.I decided that each time I’m heading to the gym,I would take along a large water bottle and one piece of fruit,with the promise to myself that they would be gone before I returned home. This worked like a charm. I am now totally conscious of packing them in my bag and it’s automatic I consume them. That habit is now 4 years plus.

You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage-pleasantly,smiling,non-apologetically to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside.

Steven Covey

We are all creatures of habit. Most of our normal daily behaviour is habitual. The first ninety minutes of my morning from the time I wake up until I’m in work mode,involves habits that are automatic: bathroom,shower,makeup,dressing,preparing breakfast,reading,washing up,checking the to-do list. None of these habits require major decisions.

What about you? When you wake up,do you immediately think,”I wonder what my habits will be today?” Of course not.You simply do what you do,and get on with your day.

Good Habits Produce better Results

To put this in proper perspective,the results of your bad habits won’t show until much later in life. The results,I call them consequences.

I have discovered this to be true,if we keep making bad choices about our health or money,the consequences probably won’t occur immediately. It takes time for cholesterol to build to the point where it causes a heart attack . Lung cancer doesn’t manifest its deadly consequences with a single pack of cigarettes. It takes years. The result is still usually fatal.

The consequences of your bad habits can be heart-breaking.

So,here’s what you can do:

  • List your bad habits-Write them down. You know what they are. Consider each area of your life-fitness,relationships,work,money,driving,Communication,following through on your promises etc. Go ahead and be specific and pick the habit that you really want to change.
  • Assess the consequences-Opposite your bad habit,write the long term consequences if you continue this behavior. Think about the long term of your behavior,not the outcome tomorrow or next.
  • Clarify your new habit and take action-Defining a better habit is easy. Just write down the opposite of your bad habit. For example,Get up on time. Do not hit the snooze alarm once,never mind five times.
  • Develop a No exceptions policy and stick to it- Creating new habits,especially exercise programs are difficult at the start. The first few weeks will really test you. There will be times when you want to quit. Don’t! Develop a No exceptions policy and stick to it. If you do,the rewards will far outweigh any initial discomfort.

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.

Warren Buffet
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What’s The Fuss About The Competence Factor?

Competence is like having internal security. You are self-reliant. You trust yourself to make good judgements and decisions and you allow yourself to make mistakes.

Do you have the ability to think,reason,and judge for yourself? Do you have a mind to trust? Do you defer to others most of the time? These are important questions to ponder on as you continue to build a foundation for healthy self-esteem.

Competence builds confidence. You know you are capable,well-grounded,and savvy enough to overcome the obstacles that life presents.

If you think you can do it,that’s self-confidence. If you do it,that’s competence

Morris Code

We all feel overwhelmed and helpless from time to time. However,the competent individual knows these situations are not permanent. He or she is proactive and uses his or her knowledge and ability to initiate solutions.

When someone is over-reliant on others to make choices and also accept their opinions,not allowing room to think independently, then,such person will find it hard to build competence.

As a matter of fact,such a person will need to start thinking for his or her self.

My question is,are you an independent thinker? Do your opinions matter? Are you in the habit of openly expressing yourself?

If you are struggling with the feeling of insecurity and uncertainty, this can be frightening. The way to conquer the fear is to push through anxiety and speak up anyway believing that your opinions have value. If you keep practising this,it will become easier. Eventually,it will be a habit that feels natural.

The test of true competence is the end result.

Ron Hubbard

To keep this in perspective,it’s impossible to be competent in all areas of your life and you don’t need to be. A person who has been out of the job market for eight years may not feel competent re-entering the workforce. However, he or she shines in another area.

Inorderwords, do yourself a favor- lighten up,you can’t be great at everything.

Moving forward,here’s what will build the competence level for you(if you must)

  • Experience life fully- Participate.
  • Understand that unexpected challenges teaches you resilience.
  • Take responsibility- Think for yourself.
  • Make your own choices and decisions.
  • Improve your skills- Keep learning.
  • Trust yourself.

If you have younger ones around you,try to allow them become decision-makers. Let them take some risks and make mistakes. By doing so,you are building in them self-believe in their capabilities.

Children who learn to be responsible for themselves build their own level of competence.

Competence is such a rare bird in the woods that I always appreciate it when I see it.

Frank Underwoods,
House of Cards.

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Bring Back The Real You

As an adult,you might think it’s better to leave the past alone believing, “The past is the past; I can’t do anything about it now.”

There’s more to it than that. Your life is a journey influenced by parents,teachers,extended family and other significant relationships.These people have helped mold you into the person you are today. Unfortunately,some of their influences may have been negative. Those negative influences can actually sabotage the real you.

Everyone sees who you appear to be, few experience who you are

Omobola Stephen

Let’s go back to early childhood. What do all young children want and need? Mostly,to feel loved, to feel safe,to get attention,and to feel significant. Children look to the significant people in their lives for guidance and for direction and they often adopt their ways. Children learn to model whatever behavior is expected. “Be nice.” “Be good.” “Be brave.”

The world of children is dominated by big people upon whom their very lives depend.

As children,we learned that if we behaved badly,the big people might withdraw their love or even threaten to leave us. Gradually,we suppressed those parts of our natural character that were judged as bad,shameful or lacking. By the time we reached our teen years,we may have discarded some of our natural talents altogether, because they were considered not good enough or not worthy of pursuit. “You ‘ll never be a singer,you can’t even carry a note.” “Nobody in your family has ever started a business! Who do you think you are?”

The opposite happens when parents employ undue pressure to force a teenager or college graduate to follow a specific career path because it runs in the family.

Have you ever observed someone who has been pushed into an inappropriate role? It’s frustrating. Resentment sets in and the person experiences a feeling of being trapped. The real talent may be screaming to be set free.

I remembered a story my mom shared with me about her childhood friend,Suzie while we were having a family lunch time. Suzie narrates the story to her in this manner. “When I was about the age of ten. A new girl had joined my class. Her name was Racheal. She was a great artist. Racheal could draw anything,even animals. The life-like potraits she painted were absolutely amazing. I was in awe. I remember comparing my talent to hers and deciding, “I will never be good enough.” I threw my art and talent away into the waste basket of my judgement. With that judgement,I threw away my potential. Today,I am in a remodelling phase of my life. I ‘ve retrieved what I threw into that basket many years ago. Now I’m celebrating because I can paint,and I’ve discovered I paint well.” Suzie concluded.

It’s never too late to rekindle the flame of your personality,or to pursue a dream that you may have long ago discarded. Grandma Moses didn’t start painting until she was well into her senior years, and she became world famous.

What have you thrown away? Was it a unique talent? An ambition? Maybe it was an emotional need to feel loved,accepted or included. The thing you discarded-or buried deep inside- It’s still part of the real you.

Here’s another thing; As children,we are told in many ways that it isn’t okay to be ourselves. “Don’t be selfish.” “Don’t cry.” “Don’t be scared.” Infact, at that moment, we are intensely experiencing those feelings,but our reality is being denied.

Children observe the world from a unique perspective. If a situation appears threatening they learn to cope,adapt,or avoid. What seem traumatic may not even be noticed by a busy parent. Left to their own coping mechanisms,children use their imagination to handle traumatic situations. They can even develop new personalities. On the way to adulthood,young girls and boys often create a closet- full of personas to cover up the real person underneath. Those personas are called masks. Your mask may deceive the outside world but not your heart.

Be careful who you pretend to be. You might forget who you are.

Kushand Wizdom

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Laying Hold Of Your Reality

Any belief you have about yourself is the result of a combination of several things. It is something you have told yourself over and over again or others have told you over and over again until you believe it to be true.

The driving force behind our beliefs,perhaps the strongest determinant, are the references we have created to support a given belief.

If a person has gone on a diet and not lost more than a few pounds,very often,they will create a belief of “not being able to lose weight.” Their failed attempt becomes the reference that supports their belief. They say things like, “See,I tried but I just can’t do it.”

Now,one of the ways to begin to shift your limiting beliefs is to question the references that are supporting them and replace them with new ones which will empower you to create what you want. References are like the legs on a stool,they support the belief. If you begin to breakdown the references,you weaken the belief the same way that you would weaken the stool if you began to break the legs.

For the person who created a belief of “Not being able to lose weight” was pure illusion.

The truth is,she was not committed enough to keep going. She could have created a belief that said, “I will still keep at it till I get my perfect shape.” That is how one can begin to live on the positive side of life.

The only difference between where you are right now and having what you want is the belief. For example, I believe I drive a Venza Sports Edition. I believe it because it is in my car lot. This was not always the case. There was a time when I was without a car and walked or took the transit buses everywhere. There was a time after that when I drove an old car that would break down on a regular basis. What it took for me to attract the Venza car into my life was to begin to believe I could have it and to do the work that would make it possible for me to afford it.

A more effective method of achieveing what you want and creating a new reality is to gradually move towards it by shifting your beliefs a little at a time. For example, a new belief you could use to move from a state of “I have no money,” might be “I have just begun a part-time business that will increase my income.”

While this is not the desired outcome of “I have lots of money,” It is further along the original, low energy belief. It will begin to move you in the direction of your dreams. As your “current reality” begin to shift,you can create another bridge belief that is even closer to your desired outcome until, one day,your desire and your reality are the same and you have whatever it is that you want.

Getting rid of an illusion makes us wiser than getting hold of a truth.

Ludwig Borne
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To Forgive and To Forget.

Forget what hurts you in the past,but never forget what it taught you. However,if it taught you to hold on to grudges,seek revenge,not to forgive,or show compassion. To categorize people as bad,to distrust and be guarded with your feelings,then you didn’t learn a thing. God doesn’t bring you lessons to close your heart. He brings you lessons to open it by developing compassion,learning to listen,seeking to understand rather than of speculating. Practicing emphathy and developing conflict resolution through communication. If he brought you perfect people,how would you ever learn to spiritually evolve.”

Shannon L. Alder

Being unable to forgive the wrongs done to you may keep from your consciousness the good qualities of your partner. As long as you keep channelling your energy or ruminating on the offence,you may become blinded to the good side of the offender.

Each one of us has got the good,bad,and the ugly side. But because of the need for approval,some of us prefer to put on the good side before the people in our life forgetting that, the other person also isn’t as perfect as you think.

Offence will always be there,but how do you react to them? It is absolutely natural to be angry,but the same anger turns into sin if you do not deal with it immediately. When you let go and forgive,you are unburdening unnecessary weight that can sabotage your peace of mind. You are free and can walk through life with ease.

I know sometimes,it can be difficult to say those words, ‘I’m sorry’ . To some,it’s easy to say ‘I’m sorry’ but those words are often muttered with clenched teeth and with eyes that communicates another message.

The truth is,forgiveness is not a word which is merely announced. It is a gift which has to be given. You should forgive even if the other party hasn’t said ‘I’m sorry.’

Anyone going into marriage must understand that there is nothing harder than trying to forgive,especially when you have been desperately wounded. It’s even worse when the offender shows no remorse,but displays a non chalant,uncaring attitude,sometimes even innocently,as could happen in marriage. If you have never been the forgiving type,you will definitely find it herculean to practice forgiveness in your marriage. You must realize,however,that forgiveness is the lifeline of any relationship because it is the first commandment of love.

Moving forward,forgiveness is not just a change in our behavior,a reluctant handshake and a forced smile. It is an active process which goes on inside the mind of someone who has been hurt. It is a change in our feelings and attitude. By forgiving,the offended person knocks down the barrier between him/her and the offender so that they are both free to be friends again.

Forgiving does not always mean forgetting. Though we forgive somebody,the memory might stay with us for a long time. We can carry it in our bodies as a physical sign. But forgiveness changes how we remember. It converts the curse into a blessing. When we forgive our parents for their divorce,our children for their lack of love towards us,our friends for their unfaithfulness in times of need,or our counsellors for their wrong advice,we no longer have to suffer as victims of events over which we have no control. Forgiveness allow us to take back our power and not let events destroy us. It actually allow those experiences to deepen our wisdom and sharpen our discernment. So,remember,forgiveness heals memories.

Bob & Debby Gass
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The Perfectionist And The Expectation Game.

Talk about freaking perfectionists,I’m not an exception.

(Never mind,I’m gradually recovering from it)

Perfectionist are fond of raising expectations. Here we go. Lool.

If you truly want to have a healthy relationship,then quit the high-expectation game and take people for who they are. It’s that simple.

God will always place the people we need in our lives and not those we think we want.

If you often raise expectations on how you want people to treat you,then be ready for a big disappointment. I mean,take the shift off people for once.

There are ways two ways to be happy. Improve your life or lower your expectations.

Omobola Stephen

Now,I’m not saying that having expectations is unhealthy. However,controlling each outcome and having everything your way isn’t good.

Unmet expectations keep perfectionists frustrated and miserable.

One way to check your expectations is by uncovering the should on yourself like,

  • I should always be prepared.
  • I should never look unkempt.
  • I should always be clean.

And to others like,

  • You should do as I say.
  • You should take the kids out for leisure.
  • You should always bring home some goodies.

Often what we demand of ourselves,we also demand of others and this is not healthy anyway.

Perfectionists are into making rules. They have rules for everything. Oh yes we do! Lool.

Rules for arranging the closet. Cleaning the home. Taking care of the car. I mean rules.

How I wish you can see the condition of my room right now. It’s in an awful state. But I don’t care any more. Since the day I realised that being a perfectionism is a sucker punch,I decided it was time to let things fly.

Now,when I’m ready,I can tidy my room.

To relationships,if there too many rules,it can suffocate people.

Ask yourself, “What is more important to me,relationships or my rules?”

Today,I’m encouraging you to challenge your expectations. Ask yourself:

  • What is my expectations.
  • What’s my reward for having this expectations?
  • What’s my reward for not having this expectations?
  • What will happen if I let go?

Which would you prefer: raising expectations or building healthy relationships?

When you stop expecting people to be perfect,you can like them for who they are.

Omobola Stephen

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Dealing With Worry

Now,when it comes to worry,I know I’ve I had my own share.Lool.

I don’t know why I got so stucked in the rut that I never seem to care about it’s negative effect. I just worry about everything and the people I care alot about. I realised at the end of the day that I feel so tired and out of touch. It’s actually an energy waster.

Worry is so much part of our thinking process.

Here’s why we should not allow it to permeate our life.

Like guilt,worry promote doom and gloom thinking. When we worry,we promote ourselves with disturbing thoughts and images of what we don’t want to happen. It can immobilize us so badly that we are unable to take concrete actions. Worry is the misuse of of our imagination. It is projecting something negative into future that hasn’t happened yet,and almost 95% of the time,what we worry about never happens. Interesting!

Roy T. Benneth,In his book,The Light in the heart said, “Instead of worrying about what you cannot control,shift your energy to what you can create.”

So why do we worry about things if it’s such a waste of time and energy? Taking on this energy vampire is like going into a battle. You need to be fore-armed to be successful.

Now,when you realize that worry is about to take over your emotions,pause and take a deep breath. Allow your body to relax.

Reframe your mind. Ask yourself, “What can I do?” If my sister isn’t home yet at such an odd time of the day,I can call her on phone.

Also,if you find your mind futurizing or fretting,find yourself some work to do. If you are at home,you can decide to clean up or rearrange the pantry, or get a book to read. Perhaps,declutter the room.lool.

You can as well go on a visit to the mall next to you or call a friend. All these will help to occupy your mind.

For me,each time worry wants to set in,I pick up a book from the library in my study room while I read till I sleep off. Sometimes,I listen to soft music and it has helped me a great deal.

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Improving on your belief system.

Negative beliefs can be held in your energy fields for many lifetimes and can really impact on your present life experiences. If you keep on accessing them,definitely they are going to stop you from creating and living the life you desire for yourself. Even though these beliefs can be cleared energetically, you may still need to consciously work towards restraining your mind to think differently. If you are a person who has a strong mental body.

We are put in this planet only once and to limit ourselves to the familiar is a crime against our minds.

Roger Ebert

Whether you are working with negative beliefs from a past life time(often held at the subconscious level) or negative beliefs from this lifetime(often taken from other people), they will ultimately create your reality because your beliefs are always self-affirming. Though,not all beliefs are negative,but if they are hindering you from creating something new or different in your life,then you certainly know this belief is not serving you in a postive way. You may need to establish a state of consciousness where you begin to break this limiting beliefs in the following ways:

Set a strong Intention

When you create a new intention,you state to yourself and to the universe that you are going to do something new and different. Start by focusing your mind on anything entirely new in your life. Forget the old or the things that did not work. It is time to reinvent the wheel and see possibilities around you.

By setting strong intention,I meant that you must do the following:

Believe You Matter

You are important. There is value to your life. You are a person of self-worth. This makes a tremendous difference to the world that you exist. There are things you were meant to do and become in this side of eternity and it matters you do and become them.

You matter because you are not an accident,you belong to a human family and most especially God family.

Those people who have limited themselves by the belief that their upbringing have a lot to do with whi they are right now may not have a self-worth or value and will not likely treat themselves very respectfully or demand it from others.

Believe That Life Matters

Not only do you matter,but life itself matters. How you use it therefore matters. What you do to squander the moments or use or use them to their fullest matters. You are given only one mortal life to discover and fulfil your purpose,to develop our talents,abilities, and characters,to love,and to lead and become the best you can.

Life is creative,dynamic,wonderful,and sometimes bewildering. You must understand life inorder to enjoy it. The people who believe this truth are those who treat life with respect and fill it with action.

Ditch The Past Misgivings

The truth is,if you continue to dwell on the misgivings of yesterday,you will be held bound by it and you not move forward by doing so.To break the cycle of the limiting beliefs,you need to accept today and all that it has to offer. When you fail to give up on what yesterday did to you,life will continue to be unfair and that us really a false belief.

Accept The Totality of Who You are.

Understand this truth. You are unique and original. You must quit trying to wear mask everywhere you appear. Start by looking inwards and believing in yourself. If you do not,no one will.

Take stock of all that has happened from past to present and sum them in a simple sentence-This is my unique identity. Let this form the basis of how you see yourself now-a strong,better,and positive man or woman. This new belief will ultimately transform your perception about yourself and the people in your life.

Believe you can become virtually anything you desire to be. Believe in the amazing exceptionalism of the human will,believe in the resiliency of the human spirit. No matter how far away you are today from where desire to be. Believe you can develop those attributes,attitudes, and skills necessary to rise to the level of your willingness to grow and succeed.

Dig down deep in search of the hidden potential and polish it up to a golden shine. It is there,perhaps buried under the mud and debris of childhood trauma. But believe it can be found. Go ahead and do so.

Life has no limitations except the ones you make.

Les Brown

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5 Valuable Lessons I learnt In 2019.

And so I was discussing with my God mother few days ago. And she said, “Omobola,what’s been happening to you? You aren’t the outgoing person you once were. You seem rather distant to your relationships.”

My response to her are summed up in what I will be listing below. They are the valuable lessons I have learnt in the year 2019. They are lessons that have helped me to curtail my once excessive mannerisms obvious in my life and in my relationships.

Here they are:

Channel my energy rightly

This is a major and critical lesson I learnt.

Usually,the biggest concerns we have are about the things which have happened in the past or what may potentially happen in the future.  However,when it comes to the past,if you do not let things go and tell yourself that it should remain there and not affect your life in this moment,then you are not leaving room to enjoy the moments that present themselves in your present.

I missed this valid point. Instead of channeling my energy on what is happening right now and benefit from the bounties,I chose to focus it extensively on the past. It was a total mess and I paid dearly for it.

Everything is energy and all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help to get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is Physics

Bashar

Where your heart is,your energy flows. Sometimes,your mind may be in the wrong relationship or wrong thing at the moment,but because your energy is directed to that thing,you will definitely see results. That’s how strong and powerful energy is.

The lesson is-Be careful where you channel or focus your energy on.

Focus On what I do Best

I was all out trying to lay my hands on the opportunities within my reach. Mind you they were related to my area of specialization and core competencies. However,they were not what I ought to be doing at the present moment. So,these opportunities sapped my energy, and it yielded no positive results as I had expected.

Effectiveness begins with elimination. Choose your ignorances as carefully as your interests.

The Stoic Emperor

Really,not all opportunities are to be maximized even though they are in tandem with your goals/values. There is usually that one or two unique opportunity which is meant to bring you the inner peace and true sense of fulfillment. This is the part I missed.

Now,I know better- Focus on what I do best so that I can experience real and true satisfaction. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing lately. Honing and investing in them like silly by not giving up on personal development.

Be In Charge Of My emotions.

Sometimes,we never truly know who we are till the people in our lives tell or remind us of it.

We all have emotions undoubtedly but for me,I am overly emotional. I hear my friends tell me, “Omobola,you need to slow down.” And that gets to me.

Is it because I’m a perfectionist to the core? Of course it is.Never mind,I’m a recovering perfectionist and this gave rise to how emotional I can be. Lool.

I’m an emotional basket case and I had no control over it. I realised that I was gradually losing treasured relationships due to this negligence. Now,I know better. Each day,I wake-up with positive affirmations about my emotions and it has really helped till date.

Quit the Approval-seeker Mentality.

Approval-seeking is a negative emotion. Those who seek approval never truly understand and accept themselves  both weaknesses and strengths. If you have a healthy self-value/self-worth,there won’t be need to be seeking for approval from anyone. So,it stems from our upbringing. However,it can be altered deliberately if we really want a change and improvement in our life and relationships. And this was devoid in my life for years. I lacked self-esteem,security and self-worth. The result- People took me for granted and getting away with it.

Though it’s a gradual process .With positive affirmations and positive,confident and secured people in my life,I can truly say tha this energy vampire is gradually evading my space.

Prove yourself to yourself and not to others.

Omobola Stephen

Pleasing people.

This is another energy vampire.

I just believed that low self-worth and self-esteem will definitely lead someone to think of pleasing people at all times.

Sometimes,it should be a ‘Me’ time. This is not selfish at all. You can never please or satisfy people anyway because it can never be enough. You keep giving and giving until you are drained.

This was exactly my situation. I was always filling the gaps. The outcome- More of them and less of me and this made me overly resentful towards these people and also hated myself in return.

So,instead of going through this emotional bout,I have decided to focus on myself,and give others a breathing space and it has truly helped. It’s a win-win scenario.

The more you try to please people, the more they get control of you and you’ll end up hurting yourself

Chanda Kaushik

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How About Changing Your Life

If you really want to change your life,you have to change your life. What this means is that if you want to make changes and experience your life at a different level,you must be willing to change.

Once you begin to change your beliefs about what is possible for your life,you must be willing to do whatever it takes.

This usually requires you to change some of your habits and activities.

When my life was hitting the lowest point,it became clear to me that I would have to make significant changes if I was to have the kind of life I wanted.

It was clear to me that I was going the downward slope and if I did not change,I would probably die(due to frustrations) or worse- continue to live in the hell that my life had become. I was in so much spiritual,mental,physical,and emotional pain that I would have done anything to change my life.

I changed my habits, I changed where I lived. I became the go solo girl. I reconnected with my spiritual side and all that goes with it.

Once,I wanted to publish my book on print, I procrastinated and would sit on the computer trying to see if I could get anything done myself but I realised I had been wasting a lot of time that I needed to get up and go out in search of a good publisher who would do justice to what I desired. I made that move and it yielded a positive result for me.

Really,I needed to change for me to see the change I wanted.

Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself .

Leo Tolstoy

I realise with the passage of time that nothing changes if you don’t really make that change.

One definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. If you want to weigh less,and be healthier,it is necessary to embark on a regular exercise program and make healthier food choices. Always begin by having a physical check-up and consultation with a health practitioner to help you establish a program. If what you want is financial independence and security, you will need to change your relationship with money.You may need to learn more about finances and investments,change your spending habits,or some combination of both. You may want to begin your own part or full-time business.

Taking a new step,uttering a new word is what people fear most.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky,Crime and Punishment

The person who wants a better relationship with their spouse or children might need to change the way they relate and communicate with them. The parents who wants a better relationship with their child,but is busy working may want to reevaluate their priorities and make some changes in their schedule to allow more time for their children.

This is one of the main reasons so many people are starting their own businesses and working from home.

What changes will you make?Do you spend your spare time surfing the internet or watching television when what you really want is financial freedom? Doing that will not get you there. Perhaps trading a night of television to take a class in a new skill or subject will move you closer to your dream life.

What immediate changes do you need to make today? Start by listing them out and let the change begin.

Spiritual.

Self development.

Health and fitness.

Family,friends,and social relationships.

Social and material.

Money and Investments.

Career and business.

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A Little Act Of Kindness Will Do

Here’s a very inspiring story shared by a friend of mine:

A young lady with her friend were on a visit to the mall for some shopping.While they were at it,she excused herself to check on someone at the car park. On approaching the exit door,she was greeted by a little poor fulani girl dressed in a flowery gown and in her teens. They are mostly seen around carparks,malls or event centers begging for alms. At first,she was puzzled,she then turned to her and asked, “What can I do for you?”

“Aunty,please I am hungry,haven’t taken anything since morning.Can you buy lunch for me?”

The lady smiled and replied, “Oh!sorry about that,I haven’t taken anything either.” The little girl was dazed and she dipped her hand into her pocket and handed over the few change she had to the lady. Astonished,the lady told her the money couldnt be enough to purchase anything. The young girl felt awful and told her she would go around to beg for alms. And she did. She came back with extra token and handed it over to the lady. “I am sure this would be enough for lunch aunty?” She said.

“But why did you have to go the extramile for me to beg?” She asked the young girl. “But aunty,I am a beggar and I know how to do that whenever I am hungry or in dire need of help but you are not a beggar.” She responded.

On hearing this,the lady broke down in uncontrollable tears and handed the token back to her,took her to one of the restaurant in the mall and they had great time at lunch.They later took pictures and the lady shared the beautiful story on her social media page.

What a touching story on Kindness.

The truth is,kind people are rare to find but really kindness often requires courage and strenght. Research has shown that devoting resources to others rather than having more and more for yourself brings about lasting well-being.

It is not enough to say you are a Christian,you have to show it by example. Even though the little poor girl wasn’t a Christian,yet she exhibited a christlike way of living. Nearly 37%percent of the people in the world are in extreme poverty. These set of people are not far from us,they are our neighbours,a brother or sister walking down the road,or a helpless immediate or extended family. You don’t have to be familiar with anyone of them before you reach out. Kindness doesn’t hinges on conditions or barriers,it overcomes any situation.

The basis of kindness is Love. Do you really have love flowing from the pore of your body? Remember,it will always be a struggle to be kind to others when you haven’t experience one. However,since you are a child of God,love and kindness should flow naturally from you to anyone.Just like the poor girl,her kindness was extremely deliberate, natural and pure.

Showing kindness comes with a sense of fulfilment and inner peace.

As Harold Kushner once said, “Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return but because of who you are.”

Never look down on anybody unless you are helping them up.

Jesse Jackson
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The Miracle Of Drinking Water

As outrageous as it seems, drinking water may be the single most important catalyst in shedding weight, and increasing energy and preventing certain diseases.If we think of this logically,it makes sense because more than 70percent of our body is comprised of water.

Depending on the study,it is believed that more than 70 percent of our population is chronically dehydrated. We have seemed to replace Mother Nature’s beverage with soda,coffee,milk,juice,and beer. Once again,we have become victims of the food industry marketing giants,convincing us to drink anything but water.

Get this- each time you drink a liquid other than water,your body reacts quickly to dilute it with your internal water stores. This causes a shortage,unless you  have consumed large amounts of water that day. So each time you drink a beverage other than water,drink another glass or two of water to counteract it. This solution can help the millions of people who are chronically dehydrated. How very natural and simple. Water can play a life-changing role in your quest for great health. Strangely,you will notice as you begin drinking more water that you become thirstier than before. Why this? On the surface,it doesn’t make sense. But here are the facts:

  • Water suppresses the apetite naturally and helps your body metabolise stored fat.
  • A decrease in water will cause fat deposits to increase,while an increase in water can reduce fat deposits. This alone should catch your attention if you want to shed weight.
  • Your kidneys can’t function properly without enough water. The liver has to help the kidneys,so it works harder. But one of the liver’s primary funftions is to metabolize stored fat so it cannot handle this excess work.
  • Drinking more water prevents fluid retention.
  • Water rids the body of waste and toxins-especially important if you are shedding weight or changing lifestyle.
  • Water can help relieve constipation but since we are now eating enough fibre we are okay,right?
  • Water is mother nature’s greatest beauty clinic.
  • Drinking more water reduces overnight hunger pangs.
  • Drinking more water can prevent fatigue,headaches, sinus problems,allergies,breathing difficulties,joint discomforts,neck,and back pain,sleep disorders,impotence,depression,and brain dysfunction. Wow!
  • Water helps maintain proper muscle tone by helping musclesin their natural ability to contract.
  • Natural thirst returns. This is why you are thirstier even though you are drinking more water. Your body is loving it and telling you it wants more.
  • Drinking at least eight glasses of water a day makes your rate of metabolism works faster and you know what that means- No chance for fat deposits and toxins.

Don’t worry if it takes time to get used to doing this.

Thousands have lived without love,no one without water.

W.H Auden

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Press The Reset Button-Begin Life Afresh

Mulling over the past and its misgivings does not lead anywhere but towards a downward slope. Recently,I realised that that there is always a part for us to play when it comes to our life’s fulfilment. When destiny comes calling,it is not the time to begin asking for help,rather it’s time to take action.Take charge of your future,do not allow the past to determine what you can become.

Some few days ago,as I sat on the sofa in the visitors lounge,I was taken aback to my early childhood years. Life indeed brewed its bitter galls on me and I must say,those were most painful and disturbing times. With tears locked up in my eye socket,I made sure it forced it way out as I remembered a period in my life when my parents were separated and mother became helpless.I had no where to rest my head for some time except at a friend’s place. But today,everything has made sense to me. Fate was at work back then and destiny,on it’s own part cannot be changed. Though,I had few important people in my life to blame for everything but I realised that it never added any value but rather made me more resentful,vindictive and bitter. The reality is, I am here and that’s what really count in eternity. The lonesome journey nevertheless,cannot hold back what destiny has in stock for me. It was all part of the process.

It’s time for you to step out from the self- pity,and victim state you have locked yourself in and open up yourself to this noble truth. Truly, everything start and end with your belief system and there are ways you can reset your mind so that you can begin enjoying a worthwhile life. If you are still thinking that your upbringing had a lot to do with your present circumstances, know that is the best route you must take for you to get to where your destiny fulfilment lies. So no matter how ugly/painful or beautiful those memories are,it can never rob you of what destiny holds for you. Now it’s time to ditch the guilt which is the number one enerygy vampire. Though some guilts serve a purpose,like being a way of policing our behavior. Keeping us from doing socially or morally inappropriate things but it shouldn’t tie you down permanently. The next time you feel guilty about yourself. Ask the question,”Is the guilt serving you? Is it spurring you on to do better?” And when you find yourself overburdened with how you think things should have been done,there’s likelihood that your brain will begin to spin. You can learn to redirect your thoughts,to stop thinking about what you should do and tell yourself This is where I am,This is what I am doing right now, I am doing the best I can. And leave it at that.

You have power over your mind not outside events. Realise this and you will find strength.

Marcus Aurelius
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CardioVascular Training

Cardiovascular activity is the key to building a strong heart and healthy lungs. Typically this activity is aerobic(aerobic means “with oxygen”) Aerobic activity includes a jog without stopping,a power walk,a high- impact aerobic class and swimming laps without stopping. Cardiovascular activity can also be a mix of aerobic and anaerobic(circuit training with weights and stationery bikes,basketbalk,tennis,volleyball or any stop-and-go activity) To achieve effective metabolic rate,it is best to do at least twenty five minutes of cardio before breakfast,or as early in the day as possible. I know this early morning routine isn’t possible for everyone. Just get your body moving. Find an aerobic activity you can do at least three days a week. Remember, the 1 percent rule- If you are not doing any activity now,start by taking a walk twice this week. As a bonus,become aware of any situation that will keep you active. If there are stairs at work,take them. Walk to the store instead of driving. Ride a bicycle. Find as many ways to move your joints as possible. When it comes to recreation,do what you enjoy,whether it is a racket sport,hiking,throwing a frisbee,swimming,playing golf,or skiing. It’s all good.

The best exercise in the world is the one you will do.

Covert Bailey

If you want to shed weight,do a cardio that provides an adequate amount of aerobic intensity (a powerwalk,jogging,a stationery bike or bike riding along a path, a swim or a step class) . Spend at least twenty five minutes at moderate intensity. Moderate is when you can speak fairly easily without losing your breath. This is best for weight management. If you are focusing on maintenance,fitness, or endurance,do a cardiovascular activity that provides you with a more intense amount of aerobics. You will be breathing heavier. During a twenty-five minute workout,you will want to stay in the high-intensity range most of the time. Try a workout today,you will be glad you did.

Work hard,eat well,be patient.Your body will reward you.

Omobola Stephen
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