This powerful mask can lead to a miserable existence. the individual behind this mask feels that life is unfair. he plays the matyr role. “If you knew my story, you ‘d understand and have pity on me.” This man likes to blame and complain instead of taking responsibilty and owning up.Often he is stuck in backward thinking.
- It could have been so different if i had a better education
- If only my banker had suppoted my idea.
- My husband should have made me happy but now am all alone.
The person who wears this masks believes he has no choices. He gives his power away and see himself as less than. This shows up in the powerless language he uses:
- I can’t
- I should
- I have to
He feels that his situation is hopeless and he is helpless to change it. What sort of energy does this person give out?You ‘re right – negative. In fact,if you spend too much time around someone like this,you ‘ll feel your own energy being drained away. It’s exhausting.
Despite this,some men or women wearing this victim mask have the ability to attract rescuers and caregivers,some of whom are wearing the approval – seeker mask. When these people are aound,he loves to talk about his problems. It loks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Don’t play the victim to circumstances you created- Anonymous
The victim blames others for his unhapiness.He indulges in pity parties and often uses the guilt card as an ace to help him get what he wants. Aging parents often do this. It is a difficult situation for adult children to resolve.
“I’m out of work again and cam hardly make ends meet,” mourns Val. “I can barely affod a pack of cigarettes. There are no good jobs anyway. Lousy pay,lousy hours,treating me like dirt-it’s all the same,so i quit. That’s the third time this year. you ‘d think my kids would help out after all the sacrifices i’ve made for them,but no,they ‘d rather see me suffer.”
We have all been through a lot of shit in our lives; the difference is some of us choose not to play the victim-Anonymous
Val is mired in his own negativity because he isn’t willling to consider any new options or practical solutions. But until he makes changes,he is bound to stay stuck.
Victims often feel that other people are taking advantage of them,so they have a low level of trust. This is a payoff for choosing to be a victim. They never need to take responsibilty and they can keep using their sad story to get attention.These crutches are difficult for victims to throw away. The mask also covers up a belief that says, “I am unlovable.” Let’s face it,bad things happen to everyone. We all feel victimized at times, however,the person who wears this mask is making a life-long career of being a victim. The good news is that you can remove the Victim mask whenever you choose. Here’s how:
- Start with a change of attitude. Dare to change your perspective on life. You have options- become creative. Make a list of ten options that will improve your situation. Force yourself to write down every one. The first few options may not be the best. The real gems often surface towars the end of your list. Then choose one and take the first step.
- Carefully monitor your language. shut off all negative self-talk,those coulds,shoulds, and can’ts. instead, substitute affirming statements. I am worthy, I am loveable, I deserve a better life. You will not see radical change overnight. This is a process. It takes time to integrate these beliefs at an emotional level. At first,they may sound false. Introduce them initially as thoughts, then verbalize them. Even better,use a 3×5 card and read them aloud every day with as much feeling as you can muster. By doing this repeatedly, you will plant ba seed in your unconscious mind. Your mind doesn’t know the difference between facts and fiction-it simply accepts the message.
- Look for inspiration. Get excited about designing a new plan for your life. Realize that other people have transformed their lives after enduring challenges. Look outward. Find one person who will not tolerate your victim attitude and ask for positive support. If you demonstrate that you are serious about changing your circumstances,the right people will espond. Be weary of other victims who don’t want to change. Avoid them. You need positive energy to set you free.