To The Woman Out There-Playing The Standards And Expectations Game

Think about it. This is a touchy subject for some people especially perfectionists.

Now,I’m not suggesting you lower your standards,just re-frame them in the context of living as a woman in today’s real world. Let go of the attitude that, “I’m the only one who can do the right.”

What drives some women crazy is not the messy house,dirty car,job,or even a hectic schedule-Often,it’s their own impossible expectations. People create so many rules about the way things must be done at work and at home that not only are they unhappy,but everyone else around is,too. Be aware that Ms.Perfect is a pain to live with when she’s resentful, irritable, difficult to please and exhausted. Not a pretty picture,and certainly not one which portrays a happy balance. I mean,is it okay that the cookies for the meeting are store-bought instead of homemade? Is it okay the floor isn’t spotless seven days a week?

Perfectionist is not a quest for the best. It is the pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough that we should try harder.

Julia Cameron,20/21st Century writer.

In my opinion, today’s society places far too much emphasis on having the perfect house(I don’t call it a home) with nearly impossible standards of cleanliness.

Unless you have time to totally focus on cleaning ,lighten up! This is another super -high standard that will only add more unnecessary pressure, (leading to stress and ultimately diseases) especially if you are a mother with young children.

Managing stress is essential for maintaining balance and having a healthy body. To conserve emotional energy,we need to become clear about which situations we can,and cannot change.

Most working women struggle with something called spillover. This occurs when one area of our life affects another,and it creates stress. If our job involves inflexible hours,a high pressure environment or a lot of travel,the negative spillover can affect our family life.

For most women,spillover is a fact of life. No magic wand will erase it. The best we can do is to learn how to manage each situation,and put a lid on the stress. It helps to keep everything in perspective, and to trust intuition.

The question now is,are you compromising your balance,your relationships,and your own happiness by insisting on impossible-to-meet standards? Really, when all is said and done,you will discover it’s your relationships that matter most. Make sure you nourish those more than anything else. When kids look back on their lives,they rarely say they are glad the floors sparkled. Instead, they are happy because Mom let go,and allowed them to use the couch pillows to build forts on the floor.

Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to .

Mandy Hale.

Getting Rid Of Illusions As A Perfectionist.

Perfectionism is rampant today. No wonder so many career-driven people are unhappy. On the outside they appear to have it all – success,great lifestyle,fabulous looks.However,on the inside it’s a different story. In many cases they feel desperate,frustrated and unhappy. Peace of mind and a sense of satisfaction elude them. Striving to be perfect all the time is exhausting. Babara Streisand,a well-known perfectionist, says, ” Demanding perfection is a cold way to live. Imperfection has humanity in it.” If you have fallen prey to this trap,cut yourself-and those you love-some slack. Being perfect is an illusion.

People don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Brenda was always impeccably dressed and groomed. Evey morning she walked into the office looking like a fashion model. Her workmates bristled with envy. How did she do it? She had three little ones at home all under the age of eight,and still managed to look great.

One Friday,at an important management meeting. Brenda was presenting at the front of the boardroom. When she turned around to demonstrate her Power Point Slide,everyone focused on the red velcro roller embedded in her hair. We all loved Brenda a little more that day!

Perfectionism dishonours us. The sad fact is that as a perfectionist,we may be controlling our feelings of inadequacy,but we ‘re no joy to be with. Think about someone you know like Brenda,who never has a hair out of place,does everything well and thinks she is always right. How do you feel being around this person? Exactly! It’s not a lot of fun.

A good question to ask a perfectionist is, “How is it working for you?” If perfectionist was classified as an emotional disorder. I believe more people would seek the help they need to free themselves from its destructive grasp.

Perfectionism is either directed at yourself,directed at others,or both. The former-inwardly focused perfectionism occurs when people are too hard on themselves,pushing relentlessly to achieve unrealistic goals. They don’t dare make mistakes. Failure is a reflection of their worth. They see failure as proof of incompetence.Letting go and being easier on themselves is difficult because they internalize failure.Self- oriented perfectionism is a form of self-rejection.

Perfectionism can also impose ultra-high standards on others. When this happens,relationships often suffer because it seems like other people are always letting them down. They become frustrated because other people fail to meet their demands. Wanting others to do their best is one thing but expecting perfection is setting them up to fail.

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding the truth.

Ludwig Borne
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